Do You Remember the First Time?. Jenny Colgan
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of non-gay way of saying well done,’ said Oliver.
I walked over to where Clelland had been. But even as I got there, I felt something was wrong. Was my mind playing tricks on me? How could that be such an exact replica of someone I hadn’t seen for sixteen years? I mean, people change in sixteen years, don’t they? It would be completely impossible for it to be otherwise. I mean, of course, I’d hardly changed, thanks to the miracles of modern cosmetics … well, maybe I had a bit. Suddenly I gulped and smoothed down my hair. Did he have a picture rotting away in his attic?
I spotted his dark jacket again. He was talking to one of the waitresses with his back to me. I took a deep breath and walked up to him.
‘Erm … hey there!’
The man turned round. And at once I realised my mistake. The likeness, though, was absolutely extraordinary. The figure stared at me. This wasn’t a man at all, hardly more than a boy.
‘Sorry, but … oh, you look familiar.’
‘I’m Flora Scurrison,’ I said warily.
His face was furrowed in concentration for another minute, then he broke into an enormous smile. ‘Oh my God! Don’t you remember me?’
Something was ringing at the back of my mind.
‘It’s Justin!’
Justin, Justin …
Suddenly it hit me.
‘Oh my God.’
‘Yeah!’
‘You’re Clelland’s little brother.’
The one with the baby monitor.
‘Yes! I recognise you from the photos.’
‘I am SO OLD,’ I said, almost without realising it.
‘Everyone keeps coming up and telling me how much I’ve grown. I am nearly seventeen, actually. Quite grown up.’ He looked petulant all of a sudden and I was reminded overwhelmingly of Clelland.
‘You look a lot like your brother.’
‘I do not.’
‘He does not,’ said a deep voice.
I looked up.
‘Hello, Flora. Justin, scram.’
‘You always treat me like a kid,’ scowled Justin.
‘That’s because you sulk and whine all the time.’
Justin sulked off, whining.
‘He’ll be OK. He needs to eat about nine times a day, so the buffet’s probably the best place for him.’
Clelland was … well, it was impossible I’d have mistaken him for anyone other than himself.
He had filled out, of course; he couldn’t possibly be as absurdly skinny as he had been; that would have been David Bowie and nobody else. But his black, unruly hair was just the same as ever.
‘I thought he was you,’ I said, not trusting myself beyond a short sentence.
‘God, really?’ He glanced behind him at his brother, mooching off. ‘Was I such a slouching runt at that age?’
‘Worse!’ I gave a very peculiar slightly strangulated laugh. ‘At least he’s not wearing a Morrissey T-shirt. Every day!’
‘I loved that T-shirt.’
‘I know.’
I held out my hand. ‘Clelland, it’s good to see you.’
‘Oh God, it’s John. Please. Nobody calls me that any more.’
‘No, really? I thought you swore you’d never get tied down into “bourgeois tying-down name fascism”.’
‘Yeah? And do you still spell your name P-f-l-o-w?’
‘No,’ I said, going scarlet.
‘So … what have you been up to?’ He looked … he looked great. And wryly amused to see me.
‘Oh, lots of things,’ I said, as he easily lifted two glasses of champagne off a passing waiter.
‘Yeah?’
‘No!’ I said. ‘Well, I went to university then got a job and moved back to London.’
‘That’s three things.’
‘Over quite a long period.’
We stood for a moment.
‘What have you been doing then?’ I asked awkwardly.
Oddly, I could see over my shoulder, Justin had bumped into Olly at the buffet and was pointing out foodstuffs to him.
Clelland – John, but I really couldn’t think of him any other way – shrugged.
‘Well, I went to Aberdeen.’
‘I remember that,’ I said quietly.
‘Yes, of course,’ he said, looking slightly awkward for a second, which came as a big relief to me. From the way our conversation had been going, I was beginning to wonder if I’d made up the whole romance in a psychotic episode and we were distant acquaintances greeting each other at a Rotary Club dance.
‘Then I joined VSO for a couple of years – get out and see the world, you know.’
‘Oh yes. Where did you end up?’
‘Africa.’
‘Wow, that’s amazing!’
‘Complete and utter shithole. I hated every second of it. I wanted to catch malaria so they’d have to send me home.’
‘God, I haven’t wanted you to die for ages,’ I said, before my brain had properly engaged. It was not a good moment. Olly stumbled over.
‘Jesus, Flo, I can’t eat a damn thing. Do you know they have almonds in the salad? You’d think they’d put on a few fish fingers just in case. This is going to be even worse than the Stricklands’ wedding, and that made me sick.’
‘You were drunk.’
‘God, yeah.’
Clelland raised his eyebrows.
‘This is Oliver,’ I introduced him. ‘My, er, boyfriend.’
Why the ‘er’? I was conscious that perhaps I wasn’t sounding as thrilled as I could.
Clelland put his hand out. ‘Hi.’
‘Hi,’ said Olly, holding out his hand.
‘Clelland’s an old school friend.’
I’d never told Olly about Clelland. At first it was because I was obeying the ‘don’t tell new boyfriend about exes; they must think you’re a virgin’ type bullshit law. And then … well, some things are private. Also, I think if we knew all about how people behaved when they were teenagers, no one would ever go out with anyone.
‘Nice to meet you,’ said Olly gruffly.
Looking at them both, I felt very strange suddenly. I wasn’t comparing them. Definitely not. This was not a competitive thing. Clelland still had a chance to appear a complete prick.
‘Olly’s a lawyer,’ I said helpfully.
‘Really? And I shook your hand?’ said Clelland, and smiled.
I’d hardly ever seen his smile. Not something suburban rebels do very often, smile. They talk about suicide and Leonard Cohen quite a lot. It was lovely. His teeth were slightly crooked, and the incisors pointed in.
‘Oh gosh, yes, sorry about that. But we only really screw you if you’re a multinational, our lot,’ said Ol. ‘Just the sixth circle of hell really.’