Modern Romance Collection: June 2018 Books 1 - 4. Miranda Lee
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jolly and friendly about the divorce? Well, she would look like an idiot if she got upset and he realised she had become extremely attached to him. She remembered the young woman in Klosters whom he had shunned for fear that, given encouragement, she would cling to him like a limpet. Freddie had no desire to be Zac’s limpet in life. She would be strong and sensible. She wouldn’t let him guess how she felt.
Zac was waiting at the cemetery gates for her with his bodyguards. He told her off for not using the limo or taking her bodyguard out with her.
‘I felt like a walk alone,’ she mumbled, walking through the gates with only the hum of a mower and the traffic beyond the walls infiltrating the emptiness.
‘It was such a waste. She was so young,’ she told him as she laid down her flowers and backed away to sit on a bench nearby.
Zac didn’t voice any of the empty clichés that were often utilised in such moments. He settled down beside her and closed a soothing arm round her taut shoulders.
‘I still feel so guilty,’ Freddie admitted convulsively. ‘I kind of used to blame her for falling into drugs but, the last year of her life, she told me something that has haunted me ever since. I wish she had told me a lot sooner and then I would’ve understood better, but she thought I was too young and she didn’t want to upset me.’
‘What did she tell you?’ Zac prompted when the silence dragged on.
‘We were put in a care home the first few weeks after our parents died.’ Freddie struggled to control her turbulent emotions. ‘When Lauren was pregnant with Jack, she told me that she was raped there but she didn’t report it because she was threatened and she was scared something would happen to me. It’s so ugly.’
‘But not your fault. You were a child,’ Zac soothed.
‘You see, she changed but I didn’t know why. Wherever we were she looked after me like a mother hen and then, when she got old enough to leave foster care, she fell in with a bad set of people and everything went downhill after that. She couldn’t cope with life on her own.’
‘You did everything you could to help her,’ Zac interposed. ‘Freddie... I’ve lost friends to drugs and not everyone is capable of what it takes to get clean. I think you need to believe that she’s gone to a better place and forgive yourself for not being able to save her.’
‘Yes,’ she mumbled tearfully, loving him so much at that instant that she almost sobbed all over him.
‘And perhaps we could get her a nicer headstone,’ Zac suggested lightly.
‘It was the best we could afford at the time. Claire paid for everything. Gosh, I still owe her the money for that.’ Freddie sighed.
‘I’ll take care of it. Shall I wait at the gates for you?’ Zac asked. ‘Maybe you’d like to spend a few minutes here on your own.’
Nodding jerkily, Freddie watched the love of her life stride away, tall and straight and full of innate power and confidence. Lauren had said that Cruz was ‘the one’ for her and Freddie, who had never been in love, hadn’t really understood the strength of such emotions, had not grasped that her sister simply didn’t have the power to break away from her toxic boyfriend. But she understood now.
And for the first time she saw a clear path in front of her. One of the elements she most valued in her relationship with Zac was the level of honesty with which they dealt with each other. She had to tell him that she was pregnant immediately, she decided heavily. She couldn’t keep secrets from him. But she could act on her own behalf like a strong, independent woman and walk away first.
It would hurt like hell, she knew it would, but at least it would cut out any ‘will he, won’t he?’ scenarios in which she hoped for more from him than he wanted to give. If she made the first move, there would be no humiliating emotional scenes between them and their relationship would remain stable in the future, which was very important from the children’s point of view.
Zac, after all, hadn’t shifted an inch in his attitude towards their marriage. It wasn’t even fair for her to expect more from him. He was good to her, really good, but he didn’t love her, nor did he want to keep her for ever. Sadly, she wasn’t ‘the one’ for Zac da Rocha, because if she had been he would surely have said something after two months of marriage. Instead he was still reminding her that what they had was a temporary marriage.
Her mind made up, Freddie rose from the bench to leave the cemetery.
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