CHAPTER TEN

      THAT NIGHT RORY lay awake while Finley snored softly in the cot beside his bed. Staring at the dark ceiling, he struggled with the myriad thoughts that battled in his brain. Was she right? Would he reject her, the way her ex-husband had, because she couldn’t have kids?

      He didn’t know. He honestly didn’t know. But he did know that if he followed her lead, pulled back from a relationship, as she had, he’d never be put in the position where he’d have to make a choice. Which might be why she’d been so standoffish. She liked him enough that she didn’t want to put him in the position where he had to choose. Then, as she’d pointed out, neither one of them would be hurt.

      He fell asleep around four and woke at seven, tired but agreeing that the thing to do would be to follow her lead. Pull back. Hold back. Don’t give her hope only to snatch it away again later if he just plain wasn’t ready to handle a relationship. Or, God help him, if he couldn’t come to terms with never having any more of his own children.

      As he and Finley walked into Shannon’s office, she rose from her desk. Wearing a red dress, with bright gold earrings shaped like Christmas ornaments, she looked festive. But her smile was cautious, wary.

      “So, Miss Finley, are you staying with me this morning while your dad spends some time in human resources?”

      She bounced up and down. “Yes! Are we going to do something fun?”

      “Well, first I have to get my morning paperwork done.” She clicked on her big-screen TV. “You can watch cartoons while I do that. Then I thought we’d just take a walk in the park, get some fresh air.” She stooped down in front of Finley. “There should be carolers there this morning.”

      “Carolers?”

      “People who sing Christmas songs.”

      Not enthusiastic, but at least not pouting or throwing a tantrum, Finley shrugged. “Sounds okay.”

      Shannon rose. “Okay? It’s going to be fun.” She smiled tentatively at Rory. “So you’ll be back around noon?”

      He swallowed. She might be cool and collected, but he knew her heart had been broken. Irrevocably. Life couldn’t do anything crueler to a woman who wanted children than to deprive her of the privilege of conceiving them.

      He tried to smile, but knew the effort was lacking. “Yeah. I’ll be back around noon.”

      When he turned to go, she caught his forearm. He faced her again.

      “Don’t worry about me.”

      “I’m not…”

      “You are. But I’m fine. Really. In the past year I’ve adjusted, and in the past week I’ve made some decisions about what I want to do with the rest of my life. You just do your part. Decide if you want to buy Raleigh’s. And I’ll take care of everything else.”

      He left her office with a strange feeling of finality swamping him. She’d made the choice. It didn’t sit right, still part of him sighed with relief. He’d just come from a bad, bad, bad marriage. Until he’d met Shannon he’d all but decided never to get close to a woman again. It scared him silly to think he even wanted to try. And the first time he tried it was with a woman who couldn’t be hurt, someone who needed promises up front. Promises he was too shaky to make.

      So maybe Shannon was right? Maybe it was best that there be nothing between them?

      He headed for human resources, but halfway to the door to housewares, Wendy called to him. “Wait! Wait!”

      He stopped. Thinking she had a message from Shannon or Finley, he said, “What’s up?”

      “Nothing…” She sighed heavily. “It’s just that Shannon came in sad this morning and I…” She winced. “I just wanted to know if something happened last night.”

      His breath caught, but he refused to give in to the emotion. She’d made the choice and he respected that—if only because his own failed marriage had left him so cautious that he couldn’t promise that he’d give her the love she needed. Not after only a few days together.

      “Nothing happened last night.” Nothing that he’d tell one of Shannon’s employees. But as quickly as he thought that, it dawned on him that if Wendy, her trusted secretary, didn’t know why Shannon was so heartbroken then Shannon might not have told anyone.

      Except him.

      He felt burdened and honored both at the same time.

      “I’ve been divorced. I know how difficult the first Christmas alone can be. Give her some space. She’ll be fine.”

      With that he pushed open the swinging door. He spent the morning listening to the human resources director explain Raleigh’s hiring policies, its wage structure, its bonus and pension plans. Glad for the distraction, he listened intently, but the second he left the big office and headed downstairs to Shannon’s office, the weight of her troubles sat on his shoulders again.

      When he arrived at her office, Finley raced into his arms. “We went to the park! Saw the people sing. They were funny.”

      “Funny?”

      Shannon laughed. “One of the singers dressed up as a reindeer when they sang ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.’ It was hysterical.”

      He smiled. He couldn’t help it. Finley was really coming around about Christmas. If she kept this up, in a few more days she might actually like the holiday. But, more importantly, Shannon looked better. More peaceful. He knew that was due in part to Finley’s company, but he genuinely believed that since they hadn’t really “fallen in love” she’d very quickly gotten beyond their near-miss romance.

      “So…” He caught her gaze. “Are we ready for lunch?”

      She looked away. “You go on without me.”

      Finley whined, “Awww!!”

      Shannon peeked up, smiled at her. “Sorry, but because we played all morning I have a little work I’d like to catch up on.”

      A combination of fear and guilt clenched in his stomach. She didn’t want to be around him anymore. Or maybe she wasn’t having as much fun around Finley as she seemed? Maybe having a child around was pure torture? “If Finley’s a bother,