Too Scared to Tell. Cathy Glass
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regardless of whatever else might have happened in his past. I said I hoped that in time he would start to relax and look a bit happier, as other children we’d fostered had. Generally, children have amazing resilience and adapt to change – in my opinion, they are all little heroes.
Aware that Oskar would probably have an unsettled first night, I went to bed shortly after ten o’clock. I never sleep well when there is a new child in the house. I’m half listening out in case they wake frightened, not knowing where they are and in need of reassurance. I checked on Oskar around 2.00 a.m., and when I woke at 6.00 he was still asleep. Indeed, he slept through until 7.00, when I gently woke him to get ready for school.
‘Where am I?’ he asked, sitting bolt upright in bed.
‘You’re staying with me, Cathy,’ I said quietly.
‘Oh yes, I remember.’ He rubbed his eyes.
I now expected him to ask me when he would see his mummy, as most children would. He’d hardly mentioned her the evening before and he didn’t now. He simply got out of bed, used the toilet, and then I left him to change into his school uniform that I’d laundered the night before. I’d buy another school uniform today, as we couldn’t get by on one and I didn’t know if or when his clothes would be sent from home. Sometimes parents send their child’s belongings once they are less upset and angry about their child going into care, others don’t, in which case I replace the lot.
I waited on the landing while Oskar dressed and then took him downstairs for breakfast, talking to him and reassuring him. Although he wasn’t saying much, he still looked anxious. Adrian and Lucy were already at the table having their breakfasts and said hi to Oskar. He looked at them warily. Paula didn’t have to leave as early as they did and would come down shortly. On a weekday my family usually fix their own breakfasts and then at the weekend, when there is more time, I often make a cooked breakfast.
At dinner the evening before, Oskar had sat next to Adrian where I’d laid his place, but this morning he seemed to purposely go around him to the other side of the table. He sat next to Lucy, as far away from Adrian as possible. ‘I’m honoured,’ Lucy said with a smile, having also noticed Oskar’s decision. It was where Paula usually sat at the table, but she wouldn’t mind.
‘What would you like for breakfast?’ I asked Oskar. ‘Cereal, toast, yoghurt, fruit?’
He looked confused. ‘Would you like to come and see what we have?’ I suggested.
‘You can choose what you want,’ Lucy prompted when he didn’t move.
‘Within reason,’ I added. I wasn’t about to let him have a chocolate bar and fizzy drink for breakfast, as some children I’d fostered were used to. Foster carers are expected to provide healthy, nutritious meals for their family and the children they look after.
Oskar slid quietly from his chair and came into the kitchen, where I opened the cupboard doors and the fridge to show him the choices. He didn’t seem to spot anything he might like. I opened the bread bin. ‘Or toast?’ I asked him.
‘I have rolls, a bit like those,’ he said, pointing, clearly used to something different.
I took out the bag of wholemeal rolls. ‘Would you like these for now and then after school we can go to the supermarket and you can show me what you like to eat?’
He nodded.
‘How many rolls?’
‘One,’ he said.
‘What would you like in it?’
I showed him what we had and he chose ham and a slice of cheese as a filling, and a drink of orange juice. By the time he sat down at the table to eat, Adrian and Lucy were leaving to get ready for work. I took my coffee and sat with Oskar as he ate. It wasn’t long before the smell of ham brought Sammy in, nose twitching. I gave him a stroke and then kept an eye on him, making sure he didn’t jump up and steal some ham, as he tried to do sometimes.
‘Do you like the cat?’ Oskar asked me as he ate.
‘Yes.’ I smiled. ‘He’s like one of the family. Do you have a pet?’
‘At my house …’ he began, and stopped.
‘Yes, love?’
But he continued eating, clearly having decided not to say any more on that topic. Then he asked, ‘Can we go to school now?’
‘When you’ve finished your breakfast. There’s no rush.’
Paula appeared and said hi to us both before getting herself some breakfast. She sat next to me and we talked a little about her college as Oskar finished his roll and then drank the juice.
‘Can we go to school now?’ he asked again the moment he’d finished.
‘Yes, but there’s plenty of time. We won’t be late.’ Given that he’d often been late for school in the past, I guessed it was worrying him.
‘Have a good day,’ Paula said as Oskar and I left the table.
‘And you, love,’ I replied.
I took Oskar upstairs to wash his face and hands and brush his teeth, and then downstairs again we put on our jackets and shoes. He appeared to be very self-sufficient and didn’t need much help from me.
‘Are we going to school now?’ he asked as we got into the car.
‘Yes, but don’t worry, you won’t be late.’
He asked me again as I drove and I said, ‘We’re going to school, but it’s a different route to the one you’re used to, as I live in a different part of town.’
‘I like school,’ he said.
‘Good, I’m pleased.’
‘I like school,’ he said again a minute later. ‘I wish I could stay there.’
I glanced at him in the rear-view mirror. He was looking out of his side window, frowning, deep in thought as he often seemed to be.
‘Why do you prefer school to home?’ I asked gently. Many children like school, but preferring it to home was unusual and also worrying. I’d had children before disclose abuse while I’d been driving. I think it helps, not being able to see the person’s face when saying something painful, similar to writing it down or confiding in a diary.
Oskar hadn’t replied, but he was still frowning and continued to gaze out of his side window.
‘Why is school better than your home?’ I asked again lightly, keeping my eyes on the road ahead. ‘Can you think of a reason?’
‘My teacher is nice,’ he offered.
‘Yes. She is nice,’ I agreed. Although that alone wouldn’t normally be enough for a child to prefer school to home.
‘Are the people in your house nice?’ I asked.
He didn’t reply, but as I looked again in the rear-view mirror I saw him imperceptibly shake his head and his frown deepen.
‘Oskar, love, is there anything about your home life that is worrying you and you can tell me? I know you were able to tell Miss Jordan some things yesterday and that was very brave of you. Is there anything else you want to say?’ He didn’t reply. ‘If you do think of anything, you know you can tell me or Miss Jordan. We are both here to help you.’
But he changed the subject. ‘There’s a cat like Sammy,’ he said, pointing through the window.
‘Yes, he is,’ I agreed.
I parked outside Oskar’s school and he couldn’t get out of the car fast enough, his face losing some of its angst. As soon as we entered the playground, Miss Jordan appeared. I think she must have been looking out for us. She came straight over.