Father By Surprise. Sarah M. Anderson
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thing to do, to keep their relationship quiet. Instead, she’d been trying to keep that baby quiet. She hadn’t been waiting for him at all. It was almost as if she hadn’t even missed him. He’d been working a hundred hours a week to prove to her that she should have had more faith in him, that she should have come with him, and now he didn’t even know if she’d given him half a thought in all that time. The sudden realization that perhaps he needed Tanya more than he was willing to admit left him feeling vulnerable. He didn’t like feeling vulnerable. It left him in a dangerous position of weakness.
He couldn’t let her see that weakness. He couldn’t let her know that she meant more to him than he did to her. The problem was, he couldn’t fabricate excuses to pacify her valid arguments either. She had him dead-to-rights. He could spout off excuses about being busy or being involved, but those were nothing more than excuses, and she was smart enough to see right through them. His only option was to go at her sideways. Maybe, just maybe, if he could get past her defenses, he could show her how much he really needed her. Then maybe they could go back to what they’d been before. He touched his forehead to hers and used his height to push her head back. “But I’m here now.” His lips grazed her temple, then her cheek. “God, I missed you, Tanya.”
She stiffened, and then pulled away. Suddenly, Nick was standing alone halfway between her house and his car while she was on her front stoop. She crossed her arms and glared at him. “Did you, now.”
He’d envisioned this going a little better. Smoother. More sensuality, less defensiveness. This conversation needed to move in a different direction. “I got a house in Sioux Falls. It’s only an hour away.” Mom had asked if he wanted his bed back, but there was no way in hell that Nick was going back there. It wasn’t the same hovel he’d grown up in—he’d sent Mom money to get a better place—but emotionally it was still a hellhole. “It’s got a gourmet kitchen and a huge master suite.” It also had two other bedrooms and a fenced-in backyard. A nice family home, the Realtor had said. But he wasn’t about to make it sound like he wanted Tanya to move in with him because that hadn’t been the reason Nick had taken it. The real reason was that it was the nicest place on the market in southern South Dakota, and even then it cost less than a quarter of what the condo in Chicago was worth.
“You bought a house?” The way she said it made it sound like he’d blown all his money on a gold-plated umbrella stand or something equally frivolous, not invested in real estate, and certainly not like she was angling for an invite.
“I’m just renting.”
The moment the words left his mouth, he knew he’d screwed up. The kind of open-mouth-insert-foot blunder that sunk careers in seconds.
Tanya’s face fell, and then fell some more before it disappeared under a blank, almost soulless mask. Any relationship they had had, or were going to have, was sinking, the decks blazing under the weight of his honest fireball. There would be no chance of raising this ship.
His stupidity made him desperate. “Tanya, wait—how old is Bear?”
“What does it matter, Nick? You’re renting. You won’t stay.” She turned and took a step into her house, but before she shut the door, she looked over her shoulder. Maybe it was a trick of the setting sun, but he thought he saw a tear race down her cheek. “You never do.”
Chapter 4
Monday came whether Tanya wanted it to or not. Part of her had come to terms with the fact that Nick knew about Bear. She’d never been that good at keeping secrets anyway. He would have found out sooner or later. Sooner had been the winner, that was all.
The other part of her was a wreck. Nick finding out about the boy hadn’t erased her worries, only replaced them with a different, larger set. What would Nick do next? He couldn’t be happy with her. Odds were decent he was furious with her. She might have guessed what the old Nick would have done, but this new man? No idea. She’d be lucky if he didn’t sue her into oblivion, most likely.
She didn’t have to wait long to get an answer to that particular question. Nick walked in at his regular nine o’clock and gave her the same look he’d given her all last week. Just seeing him again made her heart beat faster. But this time, he added, “Ms. Rattling Blanket, I’d like to see you in my office.”
Damn it. At least he wasn’t going to keep her on pins and needles the whole day. She grabbed a notepad and a pen and began the long walk back to his broom closet. The whole time, her stomach did flips. She knew he could grind her into the dust if he wanted to. He was too good a lawyer and had more money than she ever would. Tanya didn’t want to go down without a fight, but she was outclassed and outgunned, and she knew it. She kept telling herself that she had to protect Bear from Nick’s abandonment, but she knew deep inside that she had to protect herself.
She wished she hadn’t kissed him, no matter how wonderful that kiss had been. By letting him past that first physical barrier, she’d reminded herself in Technicolor of how Nick had always made her feel, of how he could still make her feel. The danger was, she still wanted that feeling. One stupid kiss was more than enough to show her that she still wanted Nick.
Nick was seated behind his desk. She was glad to sit in the chair because her knees didn’t feel like they were up to the task of holding her upright. “Yes?”
Nick didn’t look up. Instead, he kept reading a huge file and taking notes in the margins. “What’s wrong with Bear?” There wasn’t a trace of tenderness in his voice.
Dread started flipping around in her belly with the nerves. Tanya knew what this was. “You’ll find out one way or another, but you’ll feel better if I told you, right?”
Nick’s pen stopped moving, but he still didn’t look at her. Tanya preferred it that way—not seeing his eyes made it easier to remember that she didn’t know this man. “That is correct.”
She sat there, willing her knees to stop knocking. Nick turned a page, almost as if he’d forgotten she was there. A flash of anger made Tanya furious. She was sick and tired of being forgotten by Nick Longhair. By God, she would make sure he’d never forget her again.
“The doctor says there’s a problem with his ears. He gets a lot of ear infections, and he might be completely deaf. There’s something wrong with his vocal cords, too.” She paused, realizing how bad this must all sound. But she had Nick’s attention now. He’d set his pen down and was watching her. “That’s why he sleeps in the bed with me. I was nursing him, and he doesn’t cry. He just sort of…shakes. I was afraid I’d sleep through it when he really needed me.” Good Lord, that sounded even worse. What kind of mother couldn’t get her kid medical care? What kind of mother didn’t even have a separate bed for her baby? The kind that couldn’t take care of her child. The kind that shouldn’t have custody. “I’m not a bad mother,” she hurried to add, feeling stupid that she’d just given Nick all sorts of ammunition to use against her—if he wanted to.
Did he want to?
Nick shut his eyes, looking disgusted. With her. “How old is he?”
This was it—the ultimate way to make sure that Nick would always remember her. “He was only five pounds, seven ounces when he was born, but he was two weeks late.” She swallowed, trying to maintain a level of professionalism when the situation was anything but. Nick was a smart guy. She was willing to bet he could do the simple math of pregnancy and age in his head. “He’ll be one next week.”
The air in the small office chilled, as if frost was settling around them. Nick rubbed the bridge of his nose, then ran his hands through his still-too-short hair. He looked upset. Of course, if anyone made “upset” look good, it was Nick. Even now, he wore his angst handsomely.
Well, he could just be upset. Tanya held her ground. In a way, it was a relief to have the weight of the secret off her shoulders. But she was just too terrified of what Nick would do next to enjoy it.
Of course, he didn’t do any of the worst-case scenarios that Tanya had envisioned.