Baby Miracle In The Er. Sue MacKay
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into this tiny thing you call a car?’
Turning her down was warring with interest in his eyes.
‘See it as a challenge.’
He never dodged one of those.
The passenger door opened.
‘My knees and ears are about to become best mates.’
She laughed. ‘Do you want to tip the seat back so you can lie down?’
Finally the last of the ball of tension in her stomach unravelled and she played the piano on the steering wheel until Michael got belted in. Spending time with him was exactly what she needed—not her empty, lonely house.
At the pub, with drinks in hand and fish and chips ordered, they found somewhere to sit away from the noise of people talking too loudly. It was good to get a load off her feet and lean back against the leather-covered wall of the booth.
‘Just what the doctor ordered.’ She sipped her beer.
Michael mimicked her. ‘Perfect.’
After glancing around the crowded room he came back to look at her.
‘Tell me about Queenstown. There’s so much to do outdoors—what did you try?’
Staying on safe subjects was good. ‘I learned to ski—or rather I started to. Falling off and twisting my ankle put me off that pursuit. Next I joined a tramping club and went on some amazing walks in the mountains—until a group of us had to sleep outside an overcrowded hut one night. Being woken by a huge possum crawling over my sleeping bag gave me the heebie-jeebies and I quit tramping.’ She shuddered. ‘Furry creepy beasts...coming right up to my head looking for food.’
‘Then you took up crochet?’
Michael’s smile sent her stomach into chaos. The fish and chips had better be a while away.
She choked on her laughter. ‘Might’ve been wiser than salmon fishing.’
He groaned. ‘What happened?’
‘I never learnt when to stay still, always went one step too far—and I fell in, filled my waders with freezing water straight from the mountains every time.’
‘Did you catch any salmon?’
She shook her head. ‘They were totally safe when I was around.’
‘I tried trout fishing in Taupo once. I’d rather be running around a rugby field.’
‘You miss it?’ It must’ve been hard for him to give up when he was still a rising star.
‘Yes and no. The body’s too old to take the knocks now. I like to win—don’t take coming second very well.’
That was what had lifted his game from good to exceptional, or so his coaches had said in one article she’d read online.
He drank down half his glass of beer. ‘It wasn’t easy, giving up a lifelong dream, especially when it seemed half the world was watching me.’
‘It was your choice?’
‘Yes, it was—and I don’t regret it.’
He must be strong to do that. At a young age the temptation to stay in the limelight would’ve been hard to ignore. She needed to follow his example as she got on with living back here. Days like today would occur occasionally, but she couldn’t let them decimate her. Her reaction to the birth of those twins had to be a one-off—anguish to be dealt with and put away. She needed to be strong, too.
A big, warm hand covered one of her smaller, chilled ones. ‘Tell me?’
He could see her thoughts? Probably not hard when her mouth wasn’t lifted in a smile any more, her hands had grown cold and her body had sagged forward.
‘I had IVF once.’
He didn’t look shocked, only sad for her. ‘You lost your baby?’
‘I didn’t get that far. Thank goodness. It was bad enough not conceiving with all the help available, but to get pregnant, feel your babies grow inside your belly and then lose them is beyond my comprehension.’
‘But you came close to understanding today?’
Oh, God. This wasn’t easy. Yet it felt good to tell Michael. She hadn’t talked about this to anyone since Freddy had left her.
‘I was probably way off the mark, but, yes, I hurt. For Melanie. For me. For those babies. Hers and the ones I can’t have.’
Michael was up and around the table, sliding in beside her, his arm around her shoulder bringing her close to his warm body.
‘You’re resilient. You might’ve had a wee moment in ED, but then you straightened up and got on with your job—saving others.’
It hadn’t been that easy, but she had found an inner strength. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered.
He pushed her glass towards her. ‘Were you married or in a relationship?’
‘Married for four years. Thought it was for ever. We both did. But the pressure of undergoing fertility treatment was hard...having it fail was much worse. We didn’t survive.’
Gulping at the beer, she thought back to Freddy and his tears the day he’d told her he couldn’t stay any longer, that he’d given all he had, his tank was empty.
‘I don’t blame Freddy for going. It was one of those mazes neither of us could find a way out of.’
Counselling might have worked, if Freddy had agreed to attend, but he’d refused. He was a man, and men didn’t do spilling their hearts to strangers. Not him, anyway. Not even for her, no matter how much she’d pleaded. Over was over, and he didn’t want to be with her any more.
‘He should’ve stuck to you like glue.’ Michael was tense against her, his voice fierce. ‘Not walked away when the going got tough.’
She pulled away from Michael’s arm, slid along the seat to put space between them. Staying curled against him was making her punch-drunk. His defence of her was wonderful, but it undermined her determination to go it alone in her quest to get her future sorted and never be rejected by anyone again. She’d promised herself she’d get over Michael when she returned home—not fall in love with him.
‘Freddy did the right thing for him, and ultimately for us. At first I hated him for going, but I’ve accepted the inevitability of it. If we couldn’t survive that, we weren’t as strong a couple as I believe couples should be.’
Their fish and chips arrived at that moment, and Stephanie didn’t miss the relief pouring through Michael. He didn’t have an answer to what she’d just said. Hell, she hadn’t even known that was what she thought until thirty seconds ago. It was all new to her, but it felt absolutely right.
Tapping her glass against his, she smiled. ‘Thanks for listening. I feel a lot better than I have at any time since picking up Melanie.’
Now she’d eat, and enjoy the fact that Michael had come out with her, before heading home to catch up on much needed sleep. Oh, and to tick another box—she’d found she might have the courage to stay put for ever this time.
She’d also told Michael about her infertility. So what? That wasn’t on her list, no, but at least there’d be no ugly surprises in the future if they did spend more time together. Which they weren’t going to do. Getting over him once and for all was the goal. The ultimate box to be ticked off.
But there was no denying he’d made her feel soft and warm when he’d got so uptight about Freddy. She didn’t need anyone guarding her back, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t kind of cool when Michael did it.
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