Chapter Sixteen

      There did not seem to be any words, none Julia could say without bursting, ridiculously, into tears. What was the matter with her? Her fears over their marriage? Her state of physical frustration or Will’s sudden wild generosity? Julia laid her hand over his and squeezed and then, ignoring their audience, bent from the saddle and kissed him on the cheek. ‘I shall call him Angelo.’

      ‘A Spanish angel? I hope he proves to be so.’ Will grinned at her.

      Emboldened, Julia murmured, ‘Not many men would give their wives a stallion.’

      ‘Perhaps they do not feel very secure about certain things and feel they have something to prove,’ he suggested. ‘I intend continuing to ride Ajax.’ That was his raking thoroughbred gelding. ‘I may be flattering myself, but I do not feel that puts my masculinity at question.’ The look in his eyes was decidedly wicked.

      Julia felt herself growing warm. ‘I have missed you,’ she whispered.

      ‘We need to talk.’ His eyes said that he meant with more than words. ‘Why not try him in the paddock and then we’ll see them all settled in?’

      Mr Bevis was right, the powerful stallion had perfect manners and a soft mouth. He curvetted slightly, showing off, as he went past the mares, but answered her hands on the reins and walked past into the paddock.

      ‘You are not to flirt,’ Julia scolded and he put one ear back, listening politely. They circled at the walk, then the trot, Julia rising in the saddle as a man would, enjoying the stretch in her leg muscles, wondering if she was shocking Will and rather hoping that she was. When she settled into the saddle and pressed with her heels Angelo went into a perfect canter and then back to the walk as she reached the gate again.

      ‘He is superb,’ she called and reluctantly turned back into the yard.

      The sun was warm and Julia went to sit on the mounting block, her elbows on her knees, and watched the men taking the horses to their appointed boxes. Everything was a controlled bustle, the sound of hooves on the stone setts, men giving orders, stable boys running back and forth, and yet she felt filled with the kind of peace she had experienced after she had recovered from the loss of the baby. In those months before Will returned she had come to feel she belonged here, that she was in control and understood what she was doing.

      And then she saw Will walking towards her. He was hatless, his coat hooked on one finger over his shoulder, his shirtsleeves rolled up. He looked big, physical, intelligent, this man she was married to, had made love with, hardly knew.

      ‘A penny for them. In fact...’ Will put one foot on the bottom step and regarded her, head to one side ‘...I may offer two pence, your thoughts seem so deep.’

      ‘I was thinking that I feel as I did just before you came back,’ Julia said without calculation. ‘As though I belonged here.’

      ‘And when I came back, you no longer did.’

      ‘Yes. That is exactly how I felt.’ She had said it now, the hurtful, tactless thing. It was out in the open and they could no longer pretend that everything was just fine.

      A shadow passed over Will’s face. He would turn away now, deal with this in a civilised manner by ignoring it as usual. The loneliness and regret washed through her like the winter sea.

      Will stood very still, studying her face, then, to Julia’s surprise, came and sat next to her, hip against hip. ‘We have not talked, have we?’ It was a statement and he sounded reflective, not angry or hurt. Julia shook her head. ‘There were the really big things,’ Will continued. ‘We talked a little about those, of course. The baby, Caroline. We could hardly avoid those subjects, although there is much more that could be said.’

      ‘And we spoke of your love for this place and your parents. As you say, the big things, the difficult things, but not the small things,’ Julia agreed. There was no tension. It seemed natural to lean against his shoulder as they sat there. ‘I do not know how much housekeeping money I have, or pin money. We simply fell into some kind of division of responsibilities. You were surprised by the timing of...my cycle. We have been married for three years and yet we know nothing about each other. What are your political opinions? What is your favourite meal? Do you read novels or are the ones in your library there because you buy all the latest books?’

      ‘I did not know how to open negotiations again,’ Will said, surprising a laugh from her. ‘I made such a mull of things with Caroline and Henry. I knew I must have hurt you, if only by my sheer clumsiness. And then I could not come to your bed and somehow I did not like to simply make assumptions and walk in after I thought the timing would be right. Perhaps it was a good thing or I suspect I would have tried to make up by making love and we would have talked even less.’

      That was true. Lovemaking was something they could use to avoid confrontation as much as to give and take pleasure. ‘You know who you are, don’t you?’ Julia asked. ‘You know you belong here, you are so secure in being a man that you can give me a stallion to ride while you keep your gelding, you can admit when you are wrong and try to solve things by talking.’

      ‘Are you implying that I am perfect?’ She shot him a sideways glance from narrowed eyes and saw his mouth was curling into a smile.

      ‘Not at all. You had not given a thought to what you were going to do about me when you came home.’ She realised something as she studied his profile, the sensitive, mobile mouth and the stubborn chin. ‘You thought that because I love this place, too, there must be a power struggle over it. But that’s idio—I mean, there is no need for that. It is yours, I would just like to share it. And you do that typically male thing of ignoring uncomfortable things until they are pushed under your nose.’

      ‘Ah. An idiot and a typical male?’ He was still smiling. ‘Do you think we can make this work, Julia? If you can overlook my idiocy and kick me when I’m ignoring things?’

      ‘I