Hollywood Hills Collection. Lynne Marshall
Читать онлайн книгу.
had she insisted on printing these photos and giving them to Mark?
She knew why. She’d wanted him to put them in his office or his room but he never had. She’d wanted to feel like they were a proper couple, like she was going to be part of his life when they returned to the States. After all, that was what he had promised her, and she had believed him. Despite the fact that he’d insisted on keeping their relationship secret—he’d told her that, because of his position as her CO, he didn’t think it was right to parade their relationship, and she had agreed. She’d had the future to look forward to so she could wait. But then she’d found out his promises had been empty ones. At the funeral she’d realised why he had wanted secrecy.
After he had died she hadn’t thought about looking for the photos, destroying them. She’d been too upset to consider things like that. She’d had her own copies and she hadn’t considered that Mark’s personal belongings would be sent back to his family. She hadn’t thought he’d had a wife. Daughters, yes, but he’d told her he was divorced. And she had believed him. She’d had no reason not to.
‘Were you having an affair with my husband?’ Tanya asked.
Abi didn’t know what to say. ‘We were having a relationship,’ she admitted. It seemed pointless to deny that under the circumstances. ‘But I didn’t know he was married. I didn’t know it was an affair. I didn’t know about you until his funeral.’
Abi had seen Tanya and her daughters at the front of the church but had still assumed that Tanya was the ex-wife. Until she had opened the memorial card and seen what it so clearly stated.
Devoted husband of Tanya.
Loving father of Nikki and Natasha.
Mark hadn’t been divorced. Mark hadn’t been planning on making a life with her. He had still been married.
She had left the funeral before it had finished. She had fled almost before it had started. She would never have attended in the first place if she had known. She’d felt embarrassed, humiliated and ashamed.
Abi picked up the photo of her and Mark in Prague. Looking at her picture, it would be obvious to anyone how she felt about Mark but Mark, other than the fact he had an arm around her shoulder, looked completely unaffected. Abi could just be a silly colleague. What had made Tanya suspicious?
‘How did you know?’ she asked.
‘You’re in all these photos. And I know Mark. You weren’t the first and I would guess you wouldn’t have been the last,’ she continued. ‘I knew Mark had affairs.’
‘You knew?’
‘I didn’t know about you specifically, you were just another in a long line, I expect, and I had learnt to turn a blind eye.’
‘Didn’t it bother you?’
Tanya shrugged. ‘As far as I was aware, his affairs were always conducted when he was away from home. I figured as long as it didn’t affect the girls I could put up with it. I could have asked for a divorce but I didn’t, for the sake of the girls. It was easier just to get on with my life and ignore what he got up to when he was away. He always came home to us and I always let him. That was my choice.’
Tanya didn’t sound angry or upset. If Abi had to describe how she sounded, she would have said resigned, but it was Abi who was surprised. Of everything she had expected, imagined, this sense of resignation wasn’t it.
‘Only this time he didn’t come home.’ The words were out of Abi’s mouth before she could stop them. Harsh words, she spoke the truth, but she hadn’t meant to voice her opinion.
‘He should have been more careful.’ Tanya reached out her hand and her fingers traced the line of Mark’s face in one of the photos that lay on the desk. ‘I guess he didn’t expect to die over there.’
Abi didn’t tell her that he would have expected that. They all had. Tanya didn’t need to hear that. She had loved her husband—that was clearly obvious. She didn’t need to hear the details.
‘I couldn’t save him,’ Abi said in reply. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You were there?’
She nodded.
‘What happened?’
‘What did the army tell you?’ Abi wasn’t sure if she could bear to vocalise the truth of that fateful day. Talking to Damien was one thing but it was something quite different to tell Mark’s widow the cold, hard facts. She didn’t want her to have the same nightmares she had. Someone who was emotionally invested in Mark didn’t need to hear the details. She didn’t need the truth.
‘Not much,’ Tanya replied. ‘They said it was a bomb and that he died instantly. But if you were there...’ Her voice trailed off and Abi knew what she was thinking. She was wondering how Abi had survived.
Abi knew the army would have been as kind as they could when they’d informed Mark’s family of his death. She agreed there was no need to go into the details of his suffering—to tell Tanya that Mark had died in her arms, that he’d been unable to speak and unable to breathe. That she had listened to his last breath, had seen it bubble out of his chest and leave his lips. She nodded. ‘That’s what happened.’
‘But you were all right?’
Did Tanya think that was unfair? Abi couldn’t blame her but she couldn’t argue with the facts. Abi had survived, although not without scars, both physical and emotional. ‘I was injured but not badly. Mark was nearer to the explosion.’
Tanya sat on the chair in front of Abi’s desk and Abi could almost see the strength seeping out of her. She had obviously been fighting to hold it all together. Was it still for the sake of her daughters or was it her way of coping? Abi didn’t know but that made her think of the reason Tanya was even in her office in the first place. Nicolette.
Considering how things stood now, would they still choose her as Nicolette’s surgeon? She imagined this might be enough to persuade them otherwise. How would she explain that to Damien? He had agreed to assist her with the surgery—how could she tell him that the surgery wouldn’t be going ahead because she’d had an affair with the patient’s father?
Her first concern wasn’t how she would explain this to James and Freya, how she would tell them that she had lost them business, but how she would break the news to Damien. What would he think?
‘Do you want me to find someone else to do Nikki’s surgery?’ Abi asked. There was no delicate way of asking that question.
‘Can you do it?’
‘Yes.’
‘Will your feelings about Mark or me or Nikki affect your process?’
Abi’s only feelings towards Mark now were anger and betrayal. She knew she needed to let that go and she was in the process of doing so, but she would make sure her feelings would not affect Nikki’s care. She was a professional, an expert. At least in a surgical sense she was, even if all other areas of her life were a shambles, this was something she knew she could do and do well. Medicine was all she had. ‘Not at all,’ she said. ‘I always give one hundred per cent. What happened between Mark and me has nothing to do with Nikki. She will get the best possible care and outcome I can give her.’ This would be her way of making amends.
Tanya was nodding. ‘Good. I don’t want to find someone else. Nikki liked you. She felt comfortable and you were recommended to us. We are still struggling to come to terms with Mark’s death and Nikki’s accident has just made matters worse. I’m used to being on my own and taking care of the girls, but there’s a lot more going on than normal.
‘Things have changed. In the past I always knew that Mark would come home or I could pick up the phone and discuss issues with him. I can’t do that any more. I have to be able to manage on my own. If I can get one thing back on track, perhaps it will help us to feel as if we will be okay. This is important to Nikki. I don’t