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they might wish to be between them was not as important as the greater good. She’d walked back inside to be greeted by a priest and Lord Murray, who’d just signed the betrothal documents from Duncan.
Once it was all done and the betrothal official, she’d begun imbibing. Now, seated next to the man who would claim her as wife in a few short weeks, Ciara emptied the last of the sweet wine in her goblet into her mouth and held it out to a passing servant for more.
‘Have a care,’ James whispered. ‘That wine is more potent than the ale you were drinking.’
Ciara smiled at him and took two mouthfuls in a row, leaving only a sip or two behind. It was, she suspected, the only way to get through this evening. ‘My thanks for your concern, James.’ She put the cup down and moved it away. ‘I am finished.’
He placed his hand on hers where it rested on the edge of the table and his warmth enveloped hers. James met her gaze and the truth of their life together struck her—it would be comfortable. The intensity she always found in Tavis’s eyes, the thrill whenever he touched her, even by accident or when he helped her to mount, were lacking in this contact with her betrothed. He would show her affection, he would be caring, he would be considerate, but he would not love her.
She would be what she feared the most—a bride accepted for all that she brought and not find a love match as her parents had.
Ciara remembered Duncan MacLerie’s arrival in Dunalastair and how he and her mother met there. She remembered that it was not long before they married and returned to Lairig Dubh and how their love surrounded them always. And, damn her stupid heart, she wanted that for herself. Could she find it with this man?
‘May I escort you to your chamber?’ James asked.
Ciara looked around and realised that both Elizabeth and Cora had asked for leave to retire some time ago and she’d given it. Now that they were formally betrothed, such an act was permitted, so she nodded and stood.
‘I will return,’ James said to his parents as he walked at her side from the great hall, up the stairs to her room. They continued along the hallway in silence and he stopped before her door. Ciara reached out to lift the latch, but James took her hand in his and drew her close to him.
He slid his hand up to capture her face and then touched his lips to hers. More than the fleeting kiss a few days ago, this one seemed to be about staking some kind of claim on her. He tilted his head and pressed his mouth against hers, touching her lips with his tongue until she opened to him.
She closed her eyes then, allowing him to lead in this and awaiting the sense of transcendence other women spoke of when this was discussed. His tongue moved into her mouth, seeking hers and touching and tasting it as she did his. James entwined their other hands together, pulling her closer until their bodies touched. He was taller than she and their bodies fitted together nicely.
When he released her hand and wrapped both arms around her, moulding his body to his, Ciara knew there would be no moment of wonder for her. His kissing was pleasant, but did not make her want more or want … anything. The centre of her body that had exploded in heat while watching Tavis naked remained cool and calm. Now, mayhap the wine had dulled her senses and this was much more exciting than she knew?
James loosened his embrace and lifted his head. Pressing a few quick kisses on her cheeks and forehead, he took in a deep breath and released her. Mayhap he had felt it all during this embrace? Had he felt overwhelming desire and longing for her? His eyes, clear and blue, seemed unaffected. Before moving away, he gathered both of her hands in his and kissed them.
‘Sleep well, Ciara,’ he whispered.
‘And you, James,’ she replied as she lifted the latch and opened the door to her chamber.
Ciara moved quietly so as to not disturb Cora who, by the sound of the snoring emanating from the pallet in the corner, was asleep already. She began to cross the small antechamber when she realised she’d forgotten her shawl at the table. Since it was one given to her by the laird’s wife on the occasion of this journey, she did not want to chance losing it, so crept across the room and quietly made her way out and back along the stairs to the main floor of the house. She reached the great hall and was about to enter when James’s voice stopped her before she left the shadows of the corridor.
‘She certainly doesn’t kiss as I expected the daughter of the Robertson Harlot to kiss.’
Chapter Nine
Ciara’s world shattered in that moment. She stumbled back against the wall.
‘Blood will out, James, and you will be a lucky man to have that woman warming your bed if her hunger for bedplay is anything like her mother’s was.’ There was a pause before Lord Murray delivered a most-scathing insult to her mother’s reputation. ‘’Twas said she took three, nay, four men to bed on the night her father found her. Noblemen all, so at least the daughter is of noble blood, even if none would claim her after such a scandal.’
Ciara sucked in a breath so quickly she nearly coughed. She covered her mouth to hide her presence just outside the room.
‘The old laird found her naked and wine-soaked, cavorting in his own keep. He could have done worse, but he shaved her head, tossed her out of the keep and banished her for years. Only when the girl was born and raised did the new laird let her back.’
Could they be speaking about her mother? It was unthinkable, of course, but they spoke with such authority. Was this the truth? She roughly rubbed the tears away from her cheeks as she listened to discover more so she could tell the truth from the lies. Surely, they lied?
‘I had hoped for more than a whore’s daughter for a wife, Father,’ James replied to the crude comment made by Lord Murray that had her shaking so badly she nearly lost her balance. ‘Not a wife who will cuckold me with any man when I am not there.’
‘We need the dowry, James. You know that,’ Lord Murray explained. ‘And the connections to her uncle and her stepfather.’
‘Aye, Father. I know it. It will be the difference between complete failure and success.’
‘Virgin or not matters not in this. The daughter of a whore or a saint matters not. The laird promised she is an innocent, but I doubt it with the way that guard sniffs around her. But even that matters not,’ Lord Murray explained calmly.
They believed her so dishonourable and yet accepted her for marriage into their family? His next words made his priority clear.
‘So take the benefits you gain from this marriage and enjoy them. A young man like you will find many uses for a woman like that one. May you and your cock be strong enough to survive the nights with her in your bed!’
Goblets clinked as though touched in a toast and Ciara heard the chairs scrape along the stone floor. They were leaving. Ciara glanced around and found a small alcove set back in the wall, so she pressed herself into it and waited for them to walk past her.
It felt like forever as she tried to unravel what was truth and what was deceit in the words she had heard. Ciara stood silent in the darkness a good while after the sound of their footsteps passed and moved off to their chambers. She was undone by it all. Shocked past action or clear thought, she simply waited to see if it made sense if she allowed a few minutes to fade away.
And another few minutes.
And another.
Was this why her parents had avoided accompanying her here? Was it more than simply trying to give more credence to a possible betrothal than they wanted to? Did they worry that their presence would stir up such talk from a rumoured past?
Thoughts and old memories swirled inside her mind until she wanted to scream. If it were daytime, she would ride, for it always cleared her thoughts and helped her to think. Mayhap she should ask Elizabeth,