A Divided Spy. Чарльз Камминг
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a Friday evening and the office in Hamburg closed for business, Riedle was alone with his agony. He drank constantly, he sat on his own in the apartment, unable to read, to concentrate on watching the television, to do anything other than obsess about Dmitri.
He thought about him incessantly. Though there was no evidence for this, he was convinced that Dmitri had left his wife and that all of the promises he had made to Bernhard were now being made to a younger, more vital lover, a partner with whom he would build a meaningful future. He pictured them deep in conversation, laughing and sharing intimacies; devouring one another’s bodies. Everything physical between them was more satisfying for Dmitri, their intellectual life more stimulating and more meaningful than it had ever been with Bernhard. He could hear Dmitri betraying him in conversation, speaking contemptuously of his character. What they had shared over their three years together – the trips to Istanbul, to London and New York – had already become a subject of ridicule. The peculiar hardness in Dmitri’s personality, the chill ruthlessness Bernhard had fought so hard to ignore, was now all that remained of him. He felt discarded and forgotten. He felt weak and he felt old. He wanted, more than anything he had ever wanted in his life, to have the opportunity to confront Dmitri, to rail at him for his cruelty and selfishness, and then to restore their relationship to what it had once been. He felt that he could not live without Dmitri’s love. If he could not have it, he would kill himself. He was going mad.
Brussels was a prison. They had spent so much time in the city in recent months that every street corner held a memory of their relationship. Restaurants in which they had eaten, parks in which they had walked, cinemas where they had watched films, holding hands and touching in the darkness. The bed in which Bernhard slept was the bed in which he had made love to Dmitri, stroked his hair, read to him from the books they adored. It was only in bed that Dmitri had allowed himself to be vulnerable, to articulate his deepest fears and insecurities. On occasions he had encouraged Bernhard to beat him, to punish him – these had been the only times when Bernhard had felt that he had any semblance of control over their relationship. He had been intoxicated by the intimate depravity of their private selves. There had been nothing false between them in this bed. There had been no secrets. Now Bernhard could only sleep by taking a pill that would knock out the night, leaving him exhausted for work the following morning. In his first waking moments, he would be assaulted by images of Dmitri with his new lover. As a consequence, he walked the streets with a feeling of bottled hate – he had never known such humiliation, such a distilled sense of betrayal and loss. This was the wretched character of Bernhard Riedle’s life. He was at the mercy of a man who seemed utterly contemptuous of him. He was fifty-nine years old and knew – because he had no illusions about such things – that he would never again experience a love as intense and as fulfilling as that which he had experienced with Dmitri.
It was a Saturday night in June. Tourists in the Grande Place. Teenagers drinking cheap beer, couples with selfie sticks taking flash photographs in front of the Hôtel de Ville. Bernhard despised them, not least because he envied them their youth and apparent happiness. The square stank of horse manure and cheap melted chocolate and it was almost impossible to take more than a few steps without tripping over a small child. Bernhard felt less alone among the crowds, but wished that he had taken one of the smaller side streets through the old town instead of subjecting himself to the chaos of the square. He had eaten an early dinner in a poor and expensive Italian restaurant, leaving half of his food untouched, a bottle of Verdicchio emptied. Before dinner he had consumed two beers on an empty stomach and now felt the familiar symptoms of a depressive drunkenness. He was wary of encountering an associate from the building project, or even the client himself. It would take very little for Bernhard to break down; a small gesture of kindness, an expression of empathy, and he might even collapse in tears. He did not want to undermine his reputation nor be exposed for the lonely and broken fool that he had become.
He decided to return home, to take a sleeping pill, then to go to church in the morning. He had begun to pray last thing at night, pleading with God to ease his suffering, to show Dmitri the error of his ways. It was time to take his prayers to a place in which he might find some modicum of spiritual solace. He knew that Dmitri believed only in himself and in his own strength. He would doubtless hold Bernhard in even greater contempt for the naivety of his new-found devotion. So be it. He had to try to find some semblance of calm, a way to end the turbulence into which he had been thrown since Egypt.
Riedle walked towards his apartment block in the Quartier Dansaert, the crowds ebbing away as he reached Rue des Chartreux. The entrance to the building was set back from the street by a short, dimly lit passageway in which couples sometimes lurked for a furtive kiss, and where Bernhard’s neighbours tied up their bicycles and pushchairs. By the time he reached it, the bustle of the night had receded to an absolute stillness, the only noise in the neighbourhood the echo of Bernhard’s footsteps as he turned towards the door.
What happened next happened quickly.
There was a man of Somalian appearance standing in the passageway, most likely a drug addict. His jacket was torn, his shoes stained. Bernhard could smell the sharp acidic filth of his clothes and sweat.
‘Entschuldigen Sie mich,’ he said, instinctively speaking in German. The Somali was blocking his route to the door and took a step towards him.
‘Argent,’ he said, the French aggressive and guttural. ‘Portefeuille. Maintenant.’
As Bernhard processed the realization that he was being mugged, a second man walked into the passageway behind him, shutting off any hope of escape. This man was taller than the Somali and almost certainly of Eastern European descent. He loomed over Bernhard. There was a livid birthmark to the left of his nose.
‘Un moment, s’il vous plaît,’ he said, turning back to the Somali, desperately searching for his wallet. Bernhard reached into the pocket of his trousers and pulled out a handful of loose change. Some of the money spilled on to the ground as he tried to pass it to the Somali.
‘Fucking money now,’ said the Eastern European.
‘Oui, oui. Yes, OK,’ Bernhard told him, spinning around. That was when he saw the knife, hidden within the folds of the man’s leather jacket. Bernhard let out a gasp, still desperately searching for his wallet. Had he been pickpocketed in the Grande Place? He was terrified of being cut. Of all things, at that moment he thought not of Dmitri – who would surely have been able to protect him from his assailants – but of ISIS, of kidnap, of heads sliced apart by machetes. He wondered if the men were terrorists.
‘Watch.’
The Eastern European had flicked at the antique Omega Constellation on Bernhard’s wrist, sending pain shooting along his forearm. He winced and cried out as the man hissed at him in French to remain silent.
‘Argent.’
Before Bernhard had a chance to remove the watch, the Somali had grabbed him by the right arm, almost knocking him to the ground. A car drove past but did not stop. Bernhard wanted to shout out but knew that they would run him through with the knife. He was pitiably afraid. He had never known such fear, even when attacked as a young man, for his habits, for his dress, for the sin of being gay. Those attacks had conferred upon him a certain nobility and he had at least experienced them with other men, in groups of two or three. On this occasion, however, he was quite alone. He could be killed for the watch, for the contents of his wallet, and the men would never be caught.
Then, a miracle. One of the tenants from the apartment block came into the passage from the street, jangling a set of keys, whistling a tuneless song. He was about forty-five, lean and reasonably fit. The man looked up, realized what was happening and acted with astonishing speed. In clear, confident French, he approached the men, stepping in front of Bernhard as he did so.
‘Mais qu’est-ce qu’il se passe? Dégage de là.’
Bernhard felt himself pushed against the wall as the Somali moved past him to confront the neighbour. The next thing Bernhard knew, the neighbour had disarmed the Eastern European, knocking his knife to the ground. It spun away to the far side of the passage as the Somali doubled over from a savage kick in his groin. Meanwhile, the Eastern