The Balfour Legacy. Кэрол Мортимер
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sinking into her skin was so very distracting…and gradually it made her relax a little. She drank some cool water and picked up her book. Put it down again, and dozed.
Deep, accented words floated into her dreamless state and she looked up to find that Carlos was leaning over her, his black eyes gleaming with concern. ‘You’ll burn if you’re not careful,’ he said softly. ‘Want me to rub some cream on for you?’
‘I…’ What could she say? That she was afraid if he touched her she might not be able to control her emotions, or her body’s response to him? She would risk burning her skin because she was so vulnerable around him? How pathetic was that? Kat nodded, tongue flicking out over suddenly bone-dry lips. ‘If you don’t mind.’
Mind? Carlos’s mouth hardened. ‘Turn over.’ He squeezed lotion onto the firm flesh between her shoulder blades and then began to rub it in, expelling a slow rush of air as he felt the silken texture of her skin beneath his fingers. How long had it been since he had touched her like this? Pushing aside the straps of her bikini he began to massage her tight muscles, feeling some of the tension begin to melt beneath his questing fingers.
‘Carlos…’
‘Is that good, Princesa?’
Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, Kat couldn’t make up her mind whether she wanted to laugh or cry. ‘Well, yes…yes, it’s good.’ Of course it was good.
‘Then lie back and enjoy it.’
Was he mad? Didn’t he realise that, with his hands edging down to the wide band of flesh which lay above her bikini bottom, she just wanted to wriggle and squirm and pull him down against her rapidly warming body? Against her and into her. To feel his hard flesh united with hers once again. Kat swallowed. Now his fingers were kneading at the tops of her thighs—and this was really dangerous territory because what else would account for her almost strangled little gulp and the terrible sexual hunger which had begun to bubble up inside her?
‘Carlos!’ she said urgently.
‘What? What is it, Princesa?’
‘I…I…’
And suddenly Carlos couldn’t bear it for a second longer, knowing that he was about to fall into a snare of his own making. Knowing full well that he could seduce her in an instant, exactly where she was. He wouldn’t even have to meet the expression in her cold, hurt eyes. Could thrust into her from behind for a wordless and blissful coupling, knowing that they would both gasp out their relieved fulfilment and then it would be over. Their frustration forgotten and their bodies satisfied. And suddenly registering the certainty that it was no longer enough. Not nearly enough. Not any more.
Yes, it would be as easy as breathing to take her, but where would that leave them? Hadn’t he used the power of his sexual expertise to shield him from life for too long, seeking the heady power of sex as a substitute for emotion, time after time? And didn’t he owe this woman the truth, no matter how hard it was for him to admit it?
Turning her over, he stared down into her face—at the dark dilation of her blue eyes and the flare of colour which washed across her cheekbones—and felt a strange rush of something like pain in his heart. He had faced death and danger many times during his life, but he had never known such a feeling of trepidation. How was it possible to face the mighty wrath of a thirteen-hundred-pound animal in the bullring with a degree of steadfastness and resolve…and yet be rendered weak by the blaze in a woman’s beautiful blue eyes?
‘I’m sorry,’ he said simply.
Kat frowned. What was he saying—that he’d changed his mind about making love to her when it had obviously been on his mind only seconds ago? ‘Sorry?’ she echoed. ‘What for?’
He gave a bitter laugh. ‘How long have you got? For doubting you. For being a victim of my own prejudice. For not realising that the woman I saw on my boat was the real you, not the poor little rich girl I was determined to see. That once you’d peeled away the layers you’d used to protect yourself from the tough blows that life had dealt you, I caught a glimpse of the woman you really were. The real Kat. That beneath all the finery was something much more precious.’ For a moment his voice sounded shaken. ‘And that something was you.’
Kat stared at him, confusion tempered with the frantic clamour of her mind telling her not to raise her hopes. Not to let him hurt her. Not any more. ‘Are you saying all this because I’m having a baby?’ she whispered.
He shook his head. ‘I’m saying it because I mean it. Because I’ve been a fool, Kat. A stupid fool.’ Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to admit why. ‘Resenting you for the fact that, for the first time in my life, I lost control when I was around you. Without realising that sometimes a man needs to lose control, because that is what makes him human. What enables him to grab at the things which make life worth living.’
Suddenly, Kat could see how Carlos’s steely self-will had protected him in exactly the same way as the armoury of her clothes and rebellious attitude had protected her. The two of them had a lot more in common than she’d ever realised. They’d both witnessed violence and pain. Had both deployed their own methods of coping with them.
And now?
They could, she realised, put all their demons in the past—but only if he wanted to. Because she realised something else too. That time after time she had given herself to Carlos, only to have him push her away. She understood why he had done it—but she couldn’t keep on doing it. Giving was a two-way street—or there could be no true equality. No real relationship. Her voice was gentle. ‘Carlos, what exactly are you saying?’
He was intelligent enough to know that this was one of life’s big questions, the sort that your entire future would depend on. And even as she asked it, the answer came to him instantly, with a kind of blinding certainty he’d never before realised he was capable of.
He stared straight into her face. ‘That I love you,’ he said simply.
They were words she never thought she’d hear—never from Carlos—but it didn’t occur to Kat to doubt them. Not for a minute. Perhaps because she sensed how much it had taken for him to say them—and because although his words could sometimes wound, they were always truthful. And perhaps because she knew that he had missed out on love for so much of his life, it didn’t occur to her to hesitate. Nor to hold back in any way. In fact, she couldn’t have done—for the joy in her heart was too insistent to be silenced.
‘Oh, Carlos. My sweet, darling Carlos. I love you too,’ she whispered. ‘So much.’
He took her face in his hands, cupping its heart shape between both palms. ‘I want to marry you, Kat,’ he said unsteadily. ‘I want us to make a life for ourselves together. A new life. A proper life.’
And now she did hesitate. For Kat hadn’t grown up with the best role models in the world where marriage was concerned. Her family was littered with divorces and their complicated consequences.
‘And I want to be a good father,’ he continued fiercely, before she had spoken. ‘The best father in the world to our child. He—or she—will have their own destiny and never will I try to live my life through them.’
She heard the resolve which had deepened his voice and knew that Carlos was determined never to replicate the cruelty practised by his father. And that determination of his spurred her on. Because wasn’t marriage a leap of faith for everyone? In a way, she and Carlos were lucky. They had witnessed the mistakes that other people could make with their lives—and they could do their best to ensure they didn’t repeat them.’
She drew back a little as she looked up into his face. ‘Oh, Carlos—of course I’ll marry you. I want to marry you more than anything else on earth.’
He nodded, and for a moment there was a lump in his throat so big that he had difficulty in speaking. ‘Then seal it with a kiss, Princesa,’ he commanded at last.
Something in his eyes made her tremble and