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Tanya Wright
“Why didn’t you ever kiss me, Josh?”
Her words came out like a whisper, caressing his skin as he hovered over her.
“I always wanted you to.”
Desire coursed through him at the sound of her admission.
“I haven’t been kissed in years.”
Her voice held a sensual quality, washing over him, weakening his resolve.
“I need to be kissed.”
Her small hand reached up, cupped the side of his face. He found himself leaning into it even as her hand moved up and around his neck. He closed his eyes as her fingers combed through his hair, not realizing until it was too late that she was pulling him closer.
Her soft, tentative lips moved against his, leaving him powerless. He responded to her kiss, and the tiny thread on which his control was hanging snapped in an instant.
This story began fifteen years ago, long before I was aware of just how it could be used. I was a young teenager, experiencing first love, when my boyfriend was tragically killed in an accident. What followed was nothing short of heartbreak and pain, before I was eventually able to see that life went on regardless.
It was in 2013 that I finally realised my healing process had come to an end. In that moment, on what would have been his thirty-third birthday, I began to ask myself the question every writer asks: What if …? I wondered what life would have been like if only he hadn’t died that day. And so this novel was born.
It is not a biography by any means, but the story of two characters on a journey of grief and healing similar to my own. It was cathartic, writing Micah and Josh’s story. You can watch them grow together as they struggle with the pain of their past and manoeuvre their way through unknown territory and burgeoning new emotions.
Even when I felt it shouldn’t, life went on—the world kept spinning. It wasn’t the pain that defined me, but rather the way I handled it.
I have been writing for many years, but lacked the confidence to pursue my dreams. My first step after finishing my manuscript was to get it out there. Such was my motivation for entering So You Think You Can Write. You can imagine my surprise when I found out that the story so near and dear to my heart had won the public’s vote, awarding me a publishing contract.
I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. And that you walk away inspired and encouraged by Micah’s story.
Tanya
TANYA WRIGHT knew from an early age that she wanted to write, but it wasn’t until this year that she decided to take it more seriously. In January she completed her first manuscript, and in March IF ONLY …, her second, was born. This year marks the fifteenth anniversary of the death of her own real-life Drew. That experience is what inspired her and gave her the courage and drive to write this story.
She wants to write real stories for real people who experience real struggles, and to offer them an escape from the mundane and a little bit of hope and a happily-ever-after.
Tanya is originally from Florida, but after completing her college degree in Boston she decided to stay. She’s close to her family, and their antics are what inspire many traits in her characters. She is in a constant state of creativity: writing, cake-decorating, painting and sewing. She loves serving in her church, where she sings in the worship band.
This is Tanya Wright’s first book for Modern Tempted™ and is also available in eBook format from www.millsandboon.co.uk
To the women in my life …
Mom, my #1 fan. Your strength and perseverance saw me through the toughest moments.
To my sisters, Jess and Shay. Outside of the moments of uncontrollable laughter and borderline insanity that provide me with excellent material you are my best friends and I could not have done any of this without you.
To my grandma for instilling in me the importance of dreaming big and going after those dreams.
To the heroes in my life—the men who set the bar high …
Dad, my anchor; my brothers, Aaron and Brandon, and Kade, my beautiful and amazing nephew.
And to my cousin Mark and my friend Chet for your help, regardless of time of day or the question’s stupidity.
Wasn’t fire supposed to be fierce, unpredictable or even dangerous? Micah twirled a strand of her flame-colored hair, wondering how she had lost the spark associated with its vibrant strands. Had the flame been extinguished years ago, or had it been a slow, gradual fade?
She wasn’t even sure anymore. It was as if the last ten years had all been a lie. She had gone through the motions of healing, of moving on, only fooling herself into believing she was past it. But this semblance of a life was all a facade. It was obvious to her now. She had only buried the pain, denied its existence.
Until now.
Half a day spent lying in her bed had done nothing to comfort her like it should. She held the teddy bear Drew had given her close to her body, trying to capture any of its comforting magic, but sadly that too was failing to comfort her. On this dreary day in October, it seemed nothing could assuage the pain. It was like a fresh wound all over again.
Her phone signaled an incoming text message. Josh’s name appeared on the screen.
Just wanted to check in on you. Make sure you’re doing ok. Text me back <3
She ignored it, just as she had ignored all the others she had received today. She didn’t want to talk to him yet. As her closest friend, Josh had been her distraction, the one who pulled her from depression and back to the land of the living. She knew he would try to shake