Modern Romance September 2017 Books 5 - 8. Кейт Хьюит
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muscles of his chest on glorious display, a sprinkling of dark hair forming a V down to the low waistband of his pyjamas.
But Allegra wasn’t thinking about how handsome he looked. She was realising how sad he seemed, and it made her ache.
‘I’ve felt the baby kick,’ she said quietly. Rafael turned to look at her, his mouth dropping open in surprise.
‘You have?’
‘Just in the last few days. I didn’t know what it was at first. It feels like bubbles popping inside me. Little flutters.’ She took a deep breath. ‘But they’ve become a bit stronger in the last day or two, almost...almost as if the baby knows. As if he or she is telling me...’ She broke off, her chest tight with the force of her feeling, the strength of her emotion.
Rafael leaned closer, his expression intent. ‘Telling you what?’
‘Telling me that he—or she—wants to live.’ She scanned his face, looking for clues to how he felt, what this could mean—for both of them. ‘That this baby wants to live, no matter what.’
His expression was both intense and unreadable as he stared at her. ‘What exactly do you mean?’ he asked in a low voice.
Allegra let out a shuddering breath. ‘I mean that no matter what the results are tomorrow, even if we know this baby’s life is going to be short and hard, I want to keep him. I want to know this baby, I want to hold him, I want to love him. Or her.’ She let out a trembling laugh and brushed at her eyes. ‘I seem to be rather emotional lately. It must be the pregnancy hormones.’
‘I feel emotional,’ Rafael said, his voice hoarse. ‘This is hard, Allegra, and it might only get harder, for both of us...if you mean what you say.’
‘I do, and I know.’ But did she, really? The words were easy to say—sort of—but the actions that might test them in later months would be far harder. Was she strong enough? There was only one way to find out. ‘What about you?’ she asked quietly. ‘Do you...do you feel differently? Because I won’t hold you to anything, Rafael. You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t even want a baby...’
‘I didn’t want you to be pregnant,’ Rafael corrected. ‘And I imagine you didn’t either. We were strangers, Allegra.’
‘We still are,’ she said softly.
‘But this child is real and growing and I want it as much as you do.’ He took a deep breath, meeting her gaze directly. ‘Do you honestly think I would leave you to cope with this alone?’ She was silent for a second, and he drew back, deep hurt scoring his face. ‘Is that the kind of man you think I am?’
‘I don’t know what kind of man you are,’ Allegra confessed. She knew she was hurting him with her words but she had to be honest for both of their sakes. ‘You left me once before, Rafael. You pushed me away, dismissed me out of hand. I’m scared...’ That you’ll do it again. She couldn’t say the words, admit so much.
Rafael’s mouth twisted. ‘We had a one-night stand, Allegra. I admit my exit lines could have used some work, but you can’t judge me by a single conversation.’
‘Or lack of conversation.’
‘If you are going to carry this baby to term,’ Rafael stated, ‘then I am staying with you. No matter what.’ His tone was flat and determined, unyielding as stone. Allegra didn’t know whether she should be heartened or alarmed by the strength of his conviction. Was this simply a matter of responsibility and duty, or the heart?
And what was this going to mean for both of them? For their future? She’d intended on going this alone, because that’s how she did everything. She didn’t want to invite someone into her life, someone who had the power to hurt her, who had already hurt her once before. And yet she couldn’t kick Rafael out either. He was this baby’s father. He had a say, a right, just as much as she did.
Allegra stared down into the fragrant depths of her tea, her emotions a tangled web of confusion, of opposite desires to stay strong, safe and alone—and to run straight into Rafael’s arms. To seek a comfort there that she didn’t even know if he could give.
Inside her their baby kicked, and with a tremulous laugh of surprise she pressed one hand against her belly. Rafael drew a quick breath. ‘Did you feel...?’
‘Yes.’ She looked up, a new shyness coming over her. ‘Do you want to...?’
‘Yes.’ His tone was heartfelt, emboldening her to reach over and take his hand, pressing it over her bump, their fingers interlaced. His palm was warm and strong and she liked the feel of it there. ‘Wait,’ she whispered, and they both remained still, holding their breaths, hoping...
And then it happened. A light kick, right into his palm. Rafael laughed, a sound of total joy. Allegra smiled, feeling tearful again. Everything about this was so much... Rafael, their baby, them.
Rafael kept his palm on her belly and their baby kicked again, stronger this time. He looked up at her, his smile now one of fierce pride. ‘He’s a fighter.’
‘It might be a girl.’
‘Then she is. I don’t care either way, boy or girl. I just want the baby to be...’ He trailed off, a confused torment creasing his features, and Allegra squeezed his hand.
‘Healthy,’ she finished softly. ‘I know.’ Wasn’t that what all parents said? I just want the baby to be healthy. The words sounded trite when you felt assured of the outcome. In this moment of terrible uncertainty they were painfully earnest, and yet it was the not knowing that drew them together, that made Allegra feel as connected to this man, or even more so than she had during that terrible, wonderful night in Rome.
They remained on the sofa, hands interlaced on Allegra’s bump, as minutes ticked past. Their baby kicked a few more times and then settled down, and after a while Allegra fell into a doze, only to wake when she felt Rafael scoop her into his arms.
‘Sorry,’ she mumbled. ‘I didn’t realise I’d fallen asleep...’
‘You’re tired.’ His voice was gruff, a thrum in his chest as Allegra pressed her cheek against the steady and comforting thud of his heart. She felt so treasured and small in his arms, in a way she hadn’t felt in years, if ever.
Rafael carried her into her bedroom, depositing her gently down on the bed. Allegra looked up at him, still half-asleep, missing the feel of his strength and warmth all around her, barely aware of what she was doing and yet knowing she needed him now more than ever. And maybe, just maybe, he needed her as well.
‘Rafael,’ she whispered. ‘Stay with me. Please.’
A look of surprise flashed across his face and then Rafael slid into bed next to her. He pulled her into his arms, drawing her back against the solid wall of his chest so their bodies were like spoons in a drawer, fitting perfectly. With a sigh of contentment Allegra settled against him and drifted back to sleep. She didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but tonight she felt safe and happy and hopeful.
* * *
Rafael sat in the doctor’s office, Allegra looking pale and tired next to him, both of them incredibly tense. Now was the moment of reckoning.
Last night had been one of the most intimate and intense experiences of his life—first feeling their baby kick and then holding Allegra in his arms all night long. The ache of desire at feeling her body so tantalisingly close to his had been overwhelmed by the fierce need to comfort and protect her. She needed him, and he wanted to be needed. Wanted to provide for her what only he could.
But this moment, he acknowledged with painful certainty, was outside his control.
The doctor came into the room, her bland expression giving nothing away. ‘Miss Wells, Mr Vitali.’ She smiled at them both before sitting down at her desk. ‘I have the results of the amniocentesis, and there is good news and bad news.’
Allegra’s hand snaked out, searching for his.