Welcome to Mills & Boon. Jennifer Rae
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not,” he assured her. “I’m here because I want to be here. I mean, with Oliver. I made a promise and I intend to stick to it. Doug would want me to make sure his son was provided for.”
It wasn’t exactly the truth. Since Doug hadn’t any plans to claim the child he’d fathered or the woman who’d loved him.
She inhaled heavily. “I hardly saw him, you know... I mean, in the last twelve months before he was killed. He returned for about a week, but he was restless...like he didn’t want to be here. Like he was waiting to get back to his other life.” She shrugged. “That was the week Oliver was conceived. And it was the last time I saw Doug.”
Tanner remembered that visit. Doug had called him, complaining about how Cassie was pushing for commitment and how he wanted out of the relationship. He’d talked his brother out of doing something rash, but three months later Doug called again...and this time he wasn’t going to be swayed. Cassie was pregnant. He didn’t want commitment. He didn’t want fatherhood. He didn’t want to be tied down to a life he wasn’t suited for. Tragically, by paying the ultimate sacrifice for his country, his brother had gotten the freedom he’d craved.
Tanner wanted to tell her that Doug would have come home to claim his family. He wanted to tell her that she would have had the happy-ever-after she deserved. But he couldn’t. Because it wasn’t anywhere near the truth. Doug had been a fine soldier, but in his personal life he’d repeatedly left wreckage in his wake.
“I’m sorry it didn’t turn out the way you were hoping it would.”
She gave a derisive laugh. “He told you, I suppose, that I had brought up the subject of marriage.”
Tanner nodded. “Yes.”
“He said we’d talk about it when he got back. Only, he never did get back. And we never talked.”
“Some people just aren’t the marrying kind, I guess.”
Her eyes widened. “So you don’t think he would have married me and settled down?”
Realizing he might have said too much, Tanner backpedaled. “It doesn’t really matter what I think.”
“But Doug talked to you,” she persisted. “And he obviously told you how he felt about the baby coming.”
“He was surprised,” Tanner said too casually. “And in a war zone. I don’t imagine he had the chance to absorb much of anything at the time.”
“I suppose. I only wish... I wish that he’d met Oliver...that he’d had a chance to know this perfectly beautiful baby and hold him just once. I’m sure if he had he would have...he would have felt like I do.”
Tanner wasn’t so sure. But he didn’t say anything. Because her blue eyes were now glistening brightly and her tremulous voice echoed around the room. She dropped her face into her hands for a moment and sighed heavily. Seeing her sudden anguish, he walked around the counter and moved closer. She looked up to meet his gaze and within seconds there were tears on her cheeks.
Without a word he sat down and reached for her hands, taking them gently within his own. She didn’t protest. She didn’t move. The only sound in the room was the faint tick from the clock on the wall and the gentle hum of the refrigerator. And she wept. Not racking, uncontrolled sobs, but quietly, with restraint and a calm kind of dignity.
As he held her hands and felt the connection of her skin against his own, a tide of long-buried feelings rose up and hit him squarely in the solar plexus. He pushed them back, willing them away with all his strength because he knew they were futile.
“I’m sorry... I don’t know what’s come over me,” she said, still crying.
Tanner squeezed her fingers gently. “You’re tired, you’ve been ill and you’re grieving, Cassie. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Tears trailed down her cheeks and he fought the impulse to wipe them away. He wanted to take her in his arms and console her. But he wouldn’t.
“The more time that goes by, the less I feel I knew him,” she said shakily. “It’s like there’s this wall of disconnect that keeps getter wider with each day that passes. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’ll forget what he was like and I won’t be able to tell Oliver about his father.”
“That won’t happen,” Tanner assured her and gently rubbed her fingers. “We both knew Doug... We can both tell his son the kind of man he was. How he was brave and fought for his country. How he could make people laugh with his lame jokes. How, even when we were mad as hell with him, we couldn’t help loving him.”
She nodded and looked at their hands. Still linked. Still connected. And making his heart beat faster with each passing second. He met her gaze and sucked in a sharp breath when he noticed her lips part fractionally. He knew it was an unintentional invitation, but it was an invitation all the same and the very notion of her lips against his made his skin burn.
He wanted to kiss her. Just as he had all those years ago. He wanted to hold her, as he’d imagined countless times since.
But this was Cassie...the woman who’d borne his brother’s child. She’d loved Doug. Just like Leah. And he wasn’t about to let his heart get smashed.
Not ever again.
No matter how much he was tempted.
Cassie was captivated. There was something about the way Tanner looked at her that defied logic. Defied good sense. Defied every warning bell in her head telling her she was crazy to be so achingly aware of him. His brown eyes searched her face, lingering on her mouth, and there was enough heat in his gaze to combust the air in the room.
Something rattled around inside her head. A sense. A feeling. It was both familiar and breathtakingly new. She wondered how he could do that to her. How, even though they barely knew one another, there was a growing energy between them that drew her toward him in a way she hadn’t expected. If she believed in past lives, if she believed that two people could have a connection that belied the depth of their acquaintance, she would have sworn they’d somehow shared a moment of time together.
The feeling lingered and she couldn’t have moved if she’d tried. She looked to where his fingers stroked her hand and felt the heat of his touch through to her very core. He had nice hands, big and tanned and just a little calloused on the tips. Hands that were made for schooling the most skittish colt, but hands she’d seen soothe her baby son to sleep as no others had. Cowboy’s hands, she mused, forged from hard work and skill.
Her thoughts shifted and she wondered how it would feel if his fingers traveled slightly up her arm. The quiet intimacy of the room amplified her awareness of him and Cassie let out a long, shuddering sigh. He felt it, too; she was sure of it. The intensity in his gaze couldn’t be faked and the tenderness of his touch was wholly mesmerizing.
It had been so long since she felt a connection to someone.
And the fact that someone was Tanner McCord scared her to pieces.
He drew her hand to his mouth and softly kissed her knuckles. It should have sent her running. It should have had her jumping up in protest and demanding an explanation. But she didn’t move. She didn’t break the contact.
He did.
Tanner released her hand and got to his feet, staring at her for a few long seconds. “Good night, Cassie.”
By the time he’d left the room she was shaking all over. By the time she finally tumbled into bed ten minutes later she was certain she had to pull herself together.
And fast.
It was past seven when she rolled out of bed the next morning. Tanner was in the kitchen preparing Oliver’s bottle and she barely looked in his direction