A Cowboy To Come Home To. Donna Alward
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once that he would always be there for her. And when push came to shove, he hadn’t been. There was no way he could deny it.
“I never hated you,” he insisted softly. “Not ever. It was complicated, but you are completely right in that I should have told you. I was wrong, Melissa, and I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry.”
She did not want to believe him or be touched by his apology. It was a real struggle, because he was looking at her so earnestly that she knew he wasn’t lying. Nor was he trying to charm or joke his way out of anything.
But one thing stuck in her mind from that whole speech, and it wasn’t that he’d admitted he was in the wrong, or that he was swallowing his pride to apologize.
It was that he’d said it was complicated.
“How complicated could it have been, Coop?” She kept her voice down—there were neighbors to consider—but her words were still crystal clear in the cool night. “Scott was cheating on me and you knew about it.”
“Scott was my best friend.”
“So was I. You said you’d always look out for me. You were like my big brother, do you know that?” She lifted her chin and finally said what she’d wanted to for ages. “You knew he was with her in the afternoon and coming home to me at night. Do you know how sick that is?” Tears pricked Melissa’s eyes. “How dirty I felt for months afterward? All it would have taken was a few words from you. I trusted you, Coop.”
He ran his hand over his hair. “Mel.”
Her name sounded ragged coming from his lips. So he wasn’t completely unaffected, either. Good.
“I trusted you,” she repeated, softer now, and a sadness took over where her anger had lived. Sadness and acceptance.
“I was friends with both of you. Have you even considered for one moment how caught in the middle I was? I swear, as soon as I found out I confronted him about it. I begged him to put a stop to it. I demanded.”
“Did you threaten to tell me?”
“Yes.”
“And yet you didn’t.”
He swallowed and looked away. “No.”
“And why is that?”
He didn’t answer, but they’d come this far and she wanted to know. He’d been the one to open the can of worms, and now he would have to deal with her questions. “Why didn’t you tell me, if you told him you would?”
Cooper took a few moments to respond, and when he did his words seemed measured. “Scott said he would deny it, and that you’d believe him.”
She frowned, puzzled. “Maybe I would want to believe him, but don’t you think I’d ask why you would tell me such a thing if it wasn’t true? Come on, Coop.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Look, my intention wasn’t to relive this thing from start to finish, okay? I just wanted to say I was wrong, and that I’m sorry. Isn’t it time we moved on?”
It bothered her that he was probably right. It had gone on a long time. She’d picked herself up and dusted herself off, made a good life for herself. The one thing she hadn’t done was let go of her resentment for Cooper. Funny how she’d been able to put Scott in the past and not miss him a bit, but not Cooper. She supposed it came from staying in the same town and being faced with seeing him on a regular basis, even from a distance.
“I forgave you a long time ago, Coop.”
“You could’ve fooled me.”
“Forgiving isn’t the same as forgetting. You’re right. It’s over and done. But you know the old saying, ‘Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice…’”
“‘Shame on me’,” he finished.
“Our friendship as it used to be is over, Cooper. We can’t go back. It’s how I’m built. Once someone hurts me, they don’t get a chance to do it again. Once I learn a lesson, I don’t forget it. So maybe we can just call a truce, okay? I can live with that. If you’re expecting more…”
She didn’t finish the sentence, but she didn’t really need to, did she?
Cooper took a step back, out of the circle of lamplight. “You should go in. It’s getting late.”
She didn’t like how they were leaving this, but knew there was no other way. “Thank you for the walk home.”
She’d turned and taken two steps along her walkway when his voice stopped her once again. “Mel?”
Her heart quaked. Why did this feel like goodbye? Why did it feel final? Final had been three years ago when she’d said she never wanted to speak to him again.
The words had been extreme, but that had been an extreme period in her life.
“I lost two best friends, you know. You might think I sided with Scott, but I didn’t. I hated what he was up to and begged him to do the right thing. It was the end of our friendship. I did not condone or support his behavior in any way. You need to know that.”
Sadness swept over her. “You didn’t stop it,” she whispered. “To me, you condoned it by doing nothing.”
Silence spun between them, until finally Cooper gave a curt nod and turned, walking away. She watched until the sound of his boots faded and his tall form turned the corner, out of her line of vision.
Only then did she realize that she was still wearing his jacket. She curled her fingers around the edges and pulled it close, drawing in the scents of hay and fresh air and the cologne he’d worn for as long as she could remember. The smell of it was imprinted on her brain, bringing a wealth of memories and emotions. It took her back more years than she cared to count.
She’d worked so hard to put the past behind her, but as the scent of him wrapped around her, she grieved just a little bit for the life she’d nearly had and the dreams she’d lost.
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