В погоне за светом. О жизни и работе над фильмами «Взвод», «Полуночный экспресс», «Лицо со шрамом», «Сальвадор». Оливер Стоун
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mine so I’m on hand if he needs a sitter. With three daughters under six he has his hands full.”
Cassie watched as he carefully extracted the baby from the rocker. His movements seemed natural and effortless, as if he’d done it a hundred times before. She remembered her own first stumbling weeks when she’d come home from the hospital with a newborn. There were days when she’d never felt more overwhelmed or alone in her life.
Oliver gurgled delightfully and her heart tightened. Tanner cradled the baby in one arm and easily supported his head with a strong hand. “He’s a big boy,” he said and came toward the countertop. “Clearly a hearty eater?”
Cassie smiled. “He does love his food. He also likes to puke, so watch out.”
Tanner laughed and the rumbling sound made her belly flip over. For a reason she couldn’t quite define Cassie wished he would stop being so likable. Doug had always been the charming one. So many times he’d said his younger brother was moody and serious with little time for anyone or anything other than his horses and his ranch. The two occasions they’d met she’d had no reason to question that description. He’d hardly spoken to her. Oh, he’d been polite, but there had been almost a cool reserve in his manner. She hadn’t taken it personally because Doug had warned her that Tanner wasn’t exactly warm and friendly. It had also made the unexpected spark of awareness she’d experienced easier to ignore. But now, watching him hold Oliver with such open affection suddenly seemed at odds with Doug’s depiction.
“You’re good with him,” she said, surprising herself as she buttered the toast.
“Thanks,” he replied and tucked the baby into the crook of his arm.
Cassie grabbed a couple of plates and took the food to the table. “He hasn’t had a lot of interaction with men. Well, except for Gabe.”
His expression narrowed fractionally. “Gabe?”
“My best friend’s fiancé. Lauren and Gabe got engaged some months back. They’re good friends and very supportive. And Lauren’s parents insist I take him to see them once a fortnight. They said he’s their honorary grandson, which is nice.”
“It’s hard when you don’t have family.”
It didn’t sound like a question. And she was quick to remember what he’d said about Oliver being the only real family he had. “Sometimes.” She smiled “On the good side there are less birthdays to remember.”
He didn’t smile back straightaway. “How’s your grandfather?”
She was surprised to think he remembered she had any relatives and Cassie quickly explained her grandfather’s slide into dementia as she brought fruit and then coffee to the table.
“He doesn’t know you at all?”
“Not really,” she replied. “Sometimes he calls me by my mother’s name. I’ve taken Oliver to see him a few times but he just sits and looks at us. He’s always friendly but I miss the man he used to be. He was all I had after my parents died. He’s on dialysis now and has numerous other health issues, including a weak heart.”
“I’m sorry.”
She shrugged and tried not to let her sudden emotion show. It was difficult talking about her only remaining grandparent. “Don’t be. I still like to see him even if he doesn’t know me. But I know he’s ill and probably not going to be around much longer.” She motioned to the food on the table. “You can put Oliver back in the rocker if you like.”
“I can manage,” he assured her as he pulled out a chair and sat down, positioning her delighted son in the curve of his elbow so he could see her from across the table. He rocked Oliver a little. “I like getting to know my nephew.”
“I’d like him to know you, too.”
It wasn’t the truth. Not really. Because she was confused by her feelings for Tanner. And it was difficult imagining her son could have some kind of worthwhile relationship with a man she hardly knew. A man she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.
And that, she realized, was at the core of her reticence.
It wasn’t about Oliver.
It was the lingering awareness and unwanted attraction she had for Tanner that made her reluctant and suspicious. They’re my own secret demons. And she had to get over them. For Oliver’s sake.
“And your ranch?” she asked, changing the subject. “That’s going well?”
He nodded. “Sure. I’ve mostly been working with injured or traumatized horses for the last couple of years.” He managed a wry smile and glanced down at his leg. “Kind of ironic I guess.”
She relaxed fractionally. “Doug said you were some kind of horse whisperer.”
He laughed and the sound hit her directly between the ribs. “My brother always did like to make me sound like a crackpot.”
“I don’t think it sounds like that. And you know what they say—working with kids or animals is one of the hardest jobs in the world.”
“I think that’s in the movies, Cassie,” he said and smiled. “I just train horses to trust people again.”
She nodded, thinking that he’d probably managed to accomplish that as easily as he breathed. “And you’re happy there?”
He stilled and looked at her. “Yes, very happy.”
Cassie swallowed hard. “So you wouldn’t...you wouldn’t consider...”
“Consider what?” he asked and rubbed a gentle hand over the back of Oliver’s head.
She shrugged. “Moving back... Moving here...”
His brows shot up. “To Crystal Point? No. My life isn’t here anymore.”
She knew that. But unease still rippled through her veins. Because she knew what it meant. “Are you going to sell the house?”
He stared at her with blistering intensity. “Unfortunately, I’ll have to.”
Her blood stilled. “I could try and raise the money to...” Cassie stopped and thought about what she was suggesting. She’d never be able to commit to such a large debt. Her minimum wage job and the cost of child care put that option out of reach. She shrugged again. “I thought perhaps the insurance might have covered the mortgage.”
“No,” he said quietly. “There was some other debt and—”
“The Ducati,” she said and sighed. “Doug bought it the last time he was home.”
“Yes,” he said, still quiet. “I’m sorry about the house, Cassie. I know it was your grandfather’s home and means a lot to you.”
Heat pinged behind her eyes and she blinked quickly. She didn’t want his sympathy. Or his pity. If the house needed to be sold, then she had no option but to go along with his plans. She wanted to ask him about the “other debt,” but didn’t. What difference did it make now? Her home was going to be sold and there was nothing she could do about it.
“I’ll need some time to arrange things,” she said and concentrated her gaze on her smiling son. “Perhaps a month to sort through my—”
“There’s no rush.”
* * *
Tanner saw the emotion in her stare. He didn’t want to alarm her or make her life complicated. In fact he wanted the opposite. He’d come to Crystal Point to right a wrong. To forgive and find a kind of peace so he could get on with the rest of life.
She stared at him over the rim of her mug. She really does have the most amazing colored eyes. Eyes easy to get lost in. Eyes that made it even easier to forget that Doug had loved her. And that she had loved his brother.
“I guess that