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he’d never had reason to do that before. Hell, as a kid he’d seen her eating mud, hair all over the place, and as an adult staying with him he’d seen her at her worst. That time she’d drunk too much red wine and had spent the night on the bathroom floor throwing up. She’d looked like death the next morning. No, he told himself, he could brush any mad feelings aside. She was still the same old Lucy, no regard for what time of day it was or whether she was disturbing him, simply ringing him when it suited her.
He picked up the phone one morning at eight, believing she would be too tied up at the bakery to call then, so he would be safe. His heart gave an involuntary lurch as he heard her voice.
‘Gabe, anyone would think you’ve been trying to avoid me. Either that or you should sack your secretary. I’ve left getting on for half a dozen messages for you.’
He covered the receiver with his hand and took a deep breath. ‘Yeah, yeah.’ He made a huge effort to sound normal. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve been wrapped up in a case, some major hitches, been in constant meetings. I have meant to ring.’ Plausible vague lies, exactly what the situation needed. It seemed to work because she didn’t appear to have heard him, instead sweeping on with her own stream of consciousness in her usual impatient way.
‘Well, never mind. I’ve got hold of you now. It’s Ed!’ She couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice.
‘What about Ed?’ Walked out? Decided to become a monk? Sadly no.
‘The clothes are working! He noticed my new heels right away.’
He grinned ruefully into the phone. ‘Told you.’
‘And I keep catching him stealing sneaky glances at me when he thinks I’m not looking. He’s much more touchy-feely than usual, too. You’re a genius! I should market you to women everywhere!’
Gabe felt a stabbing pain somewhere deep in his gut, not unlike a punch. Miserably he realised this was what jealousy must feel like. It wasn’t an emotion he was used to. The women he dated never evoked enough interest for him to be bothered if another man came along. His mind spun. It wasn’t just a blip, then. Something he could talk himself out of by using willpower. There really had been a shift in his feelings for her. He rubbed his temples with his thumb and forefinger. Problem was, how the hell did he shift them back to where they were supposed to be? Because it was obvious that Lucy didn’t feel the same way. And why should she? He was just good old Gabriel, brother-figure, who was currently masterminding her happy ever after with another guy and who’d apparently just kick-started her relationship.
Wanting to get the conversation over with as quickly as he could, he was uncharacteristically abrupt with her. ‘Lucy, I’ve really got to be somewhere, so can we do this later?’
‘I’m sorry! I always forget how busy you are. I think of you as my personal property.’
He felt a surge of happiness at this remark followed swiftly by despair. What the hell was he going to do?
‘I just wanted to organise getting together,’ she said. ‘You know, to talk through my proposal. I’ve got loads of ideas. Maybe we could make it a lunchtime, though, because Ed’s been talking about taking me out to dinner.’
What, every night? he wanted to snarl at her. He shook his head briefly to try and clear it. ‘Are you sure you really need me, Lucy? I mean, you sound like you’re doing great on your own.’
‘Of course I need you.’ She sounded puzzled and hurt and he experienced a jolt of guilt. ‘I need your views, Gabe. You’ve helped loads already. I know I haven’t been exactly positive about some of your observations, but you know that’s just my way. I’ve taken everything you’ve said on board.’ Then she added cynically, ‘Or are you just too busy for friends? Is that it?’
He pulled himself together with a stupendous effort. He was used to his emotions being pretty constant, not this swinging between jealousy, anger and misery. If love was this much grief, he decided he had been thoroughly justified in choosing to give it a miss all this time.
‘Don’t be silly,’ he said, as lightly as he could. ‘Like I said, it’s just been busy.’ He realised he couldn’t avoid seeing her. His only hope was to carry on as normal and hope these feelings would just wear off. In fact seeing her might help. Maybe he was building the whole thing up in his mind. ‘How about tomorrow?’ he suggested. ‘I’ll meet you at Smith’s for a sandwich.’
‘Great. Can you make it about two?’
He gritted his teeth in exasperation. ‘Do you always have to eat so late? Can’t you have lunch at twelve or one like normal people?’
‘I can’t help it,’ she countered. ‘Twelve until one is our busiest time at the shop. We need more than one person to make it run properly. If we make it two, I can leave Sophie in charge and not have to rush back.’
‘OK, OK, two it is.’ There was no point arguing with her.
He replaced the receiver with a feeling of trepidation.
Lucy put the phone down feeling reassured. Her feelings were focused exactly where they should be. It was just a simple matter of keeping your mind in the right place. She’d made a stand to herself by telling Gabriel in no uncertain terms how wonderfully her relationship plans were going. After all, she reasoned, if she focused enough on Ed there wouldn’t be time for feelings for anyone else to develop, especially stupid feelings for Gabriel, which could never come to anything. Things with Ed really did seem to have been boosted. Surely that was a good sign. She could make Ed sit up and take notice after two years and that had to stand them in good stead for the future. She could even look at these irrational feelings for Gabriel as a test of her love for Ed. If she could get over this then nothing could shake them once they were committed.
She ignored the small voice inside that told her she was just scared of change. Understandable really after the shifting sand of her childhood. Scared of losing Ed and the secure life she’d built with them both in it, where she knew when she went to sleep what would happen when she woke up again. If she wasn’t deliriously in love with him, she certainly loved him for the life and stability they had together. Her mother had loved her father with desperate passion and look where it had got her. No, she was certain. Love that lasted was built on a lot more than lust. And she needed Gabriel as a friend to talk to and lean on in times of trouble. Mess with that, Lucy, the voice said, and everything teeters on the precipice. Follow these mad feelings and end up losing Ed, and then after three weeks, or maybe a month if you’re lucky, commitment phobic Gabe will be just about ready to quit, and you can lose him, too. Because it would never be the same between her and Gabriel again—that was the one thing she knew beyond question. That kind of elephant never left the room.
Plus the fact, she reassured herself, Gabe showed no more sign of reciprocating her feelings now than he had when he was eighteen, so she would most likely make a fool of herself as well. He obviously hadn’t given her a second thought this week—she’d had to practically stalk him to get a phone conversation. The best way to put this whole mess behind her would be to direct all her energy at Ed, who she knew loved her and wanted to be with her and who was showing loads more enthusiasm for their relationship than he had in months. She should be making the most of that. Once he’d said yes and they were engaged, everything would be fine, she was sure of it.
It was a perfect winter’s day as she walked through the streets from her shop to meet Gabriel at Smith’s. This was a quaint little coffee shop in one of the side streets just off the main city centre. She and Gabriel met there often because it was roughly halfway between his office and her shop. The cakes and pastries were always delicious, and Lucy always enjoyed comparing them to those she made in her own bakery. She always judged coffee shops and restaurants by their food; she couldn’t seem to stop herself. A dry Danish pastry or a soggy eclair had the instant ability to turn her off an establishment for good. The sun was shining as she walked and the air was crisp and clear. It reminded Lucy of the last day like that, when she’d had lunch at Gabriel’s parents’ house. She thought of them fondly. Any nostalgia she might