Bedded for His Pleasure. Heidi Rice
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‘No, he was long gone by then. He left when he was twelve and I was only ten. Our grandmother had died that summer. I guess he couldn’t stand knowing we’d be stuck with her all the time.’
‘You mean, until this summer, you hadn’t seen Linc since you were children?’
He shrugged. ‘Not since the day he ran off.’
Suddenly, so much became clear to Jessie. These men had been trying to forge a relationship after over twenty years apart, after the abject horror of their childhood, and she’d nearly messed it all up. ‘I’m so sorry I behaved like such a silly cow when you arrived, Monroe.’
‘Red.’ He brushed a finger down her cheek, smiled. ‘As far as I’m concerned, you were feisty and gorgeous and you felt great wriggling around in my arms, so there’s no need to apologise.’
The blush became more intense as she thought of their first meeting. ‘Will you tell me about prison, Monroe?’
She wanted to know about the boy he had been—and how he had become the man she loved.
Monroe huffed out a breath. He had to do this. She had the right to know what he’d come from, how ugly it was.
‘The first stretch was okay.’ He couldn’t even remember the green kid he’d been then. ‘It was only six months in juvie.’ He’d been wild and angry, he realised now, but determined to see it through and get out. ‘I behaved myself, didn’t attract too much attention. I was more bored than anything.’
The experience in juvie had made him think doing time wasn’t so bad. It was three square meals a day and they didn’t shout at you or beat you simply for existing.
‘Ali said you did two terms?’
‘Yeah, the second stretch was…’ He paused. ‘It was different.’
‘How?’ She said the words on a fragile whisper.
Monroe’s gaze lifted to hers. Could he tell her? Would she despise him, for what had happened, for what he had let them do to him?
He took a slow breath. ‘It was real time. After juvie I skipped parole, took to the streets. A year later, I was picked up in Buffalo after a bar fight. One of the local barflies went after me with a broken bottle. I defended myself and hit him back but then loads of others piled in. Glass and fists were flying everywhere. A guy got hurt bad that night. I wasn’t from around there and I had a record, so it was me who ended up doing a stretch in the local pen. One of the meanest pens in the whole state of New York I found out after I’d been there less than a day.’
He could still remember the horror of that night, could still remember the fear afterwards, during two years of tests to make sure he was healthy. Looking at her, he could see the compassion, the understanding in her eyes. Maybe she wouldn’t judge him, maybe she would understand.
‘I had a pretty face. I was seventeen, cocky and stupid with it. I thought I knew the score.’
Jessie could see the shadow of bitterness in his eyes and felt her heart race in sympathy.
‘They cornered me in the shower on the first night,’ he continued, his voice low and thick with tension. ‘Two of them. I fought back at the start, but what was the point? It was two against one and I didn’t stand a chance.’
The tears slid down Jessie’s cheeks. How had he survived?
He stared down at his feet in the sand. His words came out on a low murmur. ‘They held me down, took turns.’
Leaning forward, she pressed herself against him, wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. She could feel the solid beat of his heart against her ear as she rested her head against the warm skin of his back. He didn’t say anything, but slowly she felt his shoulders relax. He put his hand on top of hers.
After a long time, she let go, moved round, knelt in front of him. She gripped his face in her hands, made him look at her.
‘You survived, Monroe. That’s all that matters.’ She could see the shadow of humiliation in his eyes, fought to control her anger at what he had been forced to endure, at what he was still enduring. ‘Don’t ever feel ashamed.’
‘You don’t think I’m less of a man?’
Where the hell had that question come from? he wondered. He’d never known the doubt was inside him until he’d asked her.
She flashed a seductive smile at him through the veil of tears. ‘Monroe. I don’t think I could cope with you if you were any more of a man.’
He brought his arms round her then, held her close, sank into the comfort and support she offered. He’d told her the worst of it and she hadn’t been disgusted. She hadn’t judged him as he had so often judged himself.
‘Did it happen more than once?’ she asked quietly.
‘No, that was it. I got beat up a few more times after that, but mostly I kept to myself.’He folded his legs, settled her onto his lap, but kept his arms around her. And thought about how much he was going to miss her when he had to let her go.
As they walked back towards the garage apartment, the noon sun heating the grass beneath Jessie’s feet, she considered what Monroe had told her of his past.
He’d been through so much, as a child and as an adult. Yet the only person he really seemed to blame was himself. She could feel the rough skin of his palm as he held her hand. He’d worked so hard, in dead-end jobs, yet he had such great talent as an artist but didn’t want to promote it. Now she understood why—because he lacked the confidence.
She loved him. It wasn’t just a silly girlish dream. It couldn’t be. She understood him now. This was more than she’d ever felt for Toby.
She had planned to tell him how she felt tonight, but now she wasn’t so sure. Maybe she shouldn’t rush him, put pressure on him. He’d told her things she was sure he’d never told anyone else. He’d shared so much with her and that should be enough for now. She squeezed his hand as they mounted the apartment steps together.
‘You all right?’ he asked. The slight frown on his face made it clear he wasn’t sure. The thought made her heart ache for him. How could such a strong, admirable man be so unsure of himself?
‘Yes, I’m wonderful.’ She glanced away. The heaviness of the conversation was making him uneasy. She needed to change the subject. ‘It’ll be nice to see Ali and Linc and Emmy again tomorrow, but I think we’re going to miss the privacy.’
He pushed the apartment door open, held it as she went in ahead of him. ‘I guess.’
‘We may have a few awkward moments with Emmy when she comes skipping over in the morning to play mechanic with you.’
‘About that…’ He stopped dead beside her, the strain clear in his voice. ‘We probably shouldn’t say anything yet.’
‘Why not?’Jessie felt the flutter of uneasiness in her stomach.
Monroe dumped their towels on the sofa. He took his time walking into the kitchenette and getting himself a glass of water.
‘You want one?’ He held the glass up.
Jessie shook her head. ‘Why don’t you want us to say anything to Linc and Ali?’
He put the glass down with a solid plop on the breakfast bar, looked at her for the first time since they’d entered the apartment.
‘Is there something wrong, Monroe?’
When he didn’t answer straight away, she felt a lump start to form in her throat. What exactly was going on?
‘No.’ Her relief at his words was tempered by the look of regret she could see in his eyes.
Reaching across the breakfast bar, he took her hand, pulled her around beside him. Putting his palms on her cheeks,