Modern Romance June 2016 Books 5-8. Tara Pammi
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Anya stuck to water. She really had overdone things this week but then she watched as Naomi poured the chocolate cups she had brought from New York into a bowl and tried to resist temptation.
Libby’s family were there and some other people that Anya did not know but she was only really aware of Roman.
The apartment was huge, yet she was painfully aware of his presence standing by Libby when he handed over his gift for little Nadia.
‘Thank you, Roman,’ Libby said. ‘It’s absolutely beautiful. I’m sure she will always treasure it.’
Roman nodded and when he went to get a drink, Anya could not resist asking Libby for a look at it.
She held the cross in her hand. It really was exquisite and she wondered how the hell he could afford it, then she turned and read the engraving on the back.
Strength.
Anya really needed to have strength today.
It was agony being in the same room as him, yet it was bliss to know he was there.
She was mired in confusion, for she ached to be by his side and yet she could not bring herself to go over.
A tray of food was offered and again she shook her head but her eyes kept going to the little chocolate cups that Naomi had brought.
She would have just one, she decided, and made her way over.
Anya went to open it but decided she would enjoy it later and she put it into her bag.
Maybe she could take one for the journey home, she thought, and slipped another into her bag.
Perhaps she would take a few for during the intervals so that she could remember being here with Roman today.
And then her hand stopped as she scooped another lot up and she knew that she had been seen putting the little silver chocolate cups into her bag.
Anya turned and saw Naomi frowning and then she met Roman’s eyes and shame swept through her, just as it had when her mother had caught her. She had been caught again stealing food, and she did not know how to shrug it off, or to explain and, red in the face, very close to tears, she quickly walked out of the room.
‘Why is Anya sneaking food?’ Naomi had whispered to Sev, but Roman had heard her.
Because she had grown up having to, Roman thought, but didn’t say anything.
He walked across the room and out into the hall he caught up with her.
‘Leave me,’ Anya said. She was desperately embarrassed and trying not to cry.
This very moment she remembered the slap of her mother’s hand on her cheek when she had been found in the cupboard cramming chocolate into her mouth. ‘I’m so embarrassed.’
‘No, no...’ Roman said, and he opened a door to a room and pulled her inside and then straight into his arms. He held her against him. ‘You don’t have to be.’
‘But they saw me,’ Anya said. It felt horrific. She was so controlled in everything and yet she had been seen. ‘They all saw me stealing food.’
‘So?’ He lifted her chin so that she had to look at him and Roman smiled when he so rarely did. ‘You like chocolate. I’ll take a bottle or two of champagne on the way out and they can talk about how rude we both are...’
His words didn’t work because Anya was starting to cry.
‘It’s okay,’ he said.
‘But it’s not. I just wanted some for later. I know it’s stupid but I feel so awkward eating around others...’
‘It’s not stupid,’ Roman said. ‘You were sent to a cupboard to eat.’
‘She always...’ Anya stopped what she was about to say, not wanting to be disloyal to her mother, but Roman spoke for her.
‘She always caught you,’ Roman said. ‘And then you would be given a slap and scolded.’
‘How do you know?’
‘There was no television at the orphanage,’ Roman reminded her, and she gave a thin smile. ‘You know I watched all that went on with you.’
And here was the one person who might properly understand because he had been there, he had seen first-hand the endless shaming whenever she had tried to get food.
‘“You’ll get fat,” she would say.’ Anya’s voice shook as she recalled her mother’s words. ‘“If you want to dance then you have—”’
‘Anya,’ he interrupted. ‘I don’t have many good things to say about your mother but, in this, Katya was doing her best to keep bringing you to work with her.’ Roman told her what he had tried to on the night of their row, when she had pointed out that he knew nothing about families. ‘She was trying to keep her job and keep you close to her in the evenings and not leave you at home alone.’
Anya frowned.
‘The supervisor would say to her they had enough hungry mouths without feeding the staff’s children. They were jealous because, as the cook, your mum could have a meal. If the supervisor had caught you eating, at best you would not have been able to come to the orphanage, at worst she would have lost her job.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Because I watched and I heard what went on. When I was on set-up duty for the dining room, before you came back from school, your mother would be making the dinner and she would be warned over and over that meals were not to be provided for you.’
Anya closed her eyes and thought back to those times, how her mother would send her to the cupboard to eat soup. The battle with food and her mother had started as a means to survive yet, as Anya’s talent had started to shine, for Katya it had become an obsession.
For Anya now too.
Still he held her.
‘Do you know,’ Roman said. ‘When I was growing up I always thought you were rich because you had a parent, but you were as poor as us, maybe more so—at least we were fed regularly.’
She felt better for his understanding and she thought of her mother and could see things through more forgiving eyes.
It was nice to confide in him, to be held in his arms as she recalled those times.
‘I was always so hungry.’
‘I know you were. Which is why, the night I took you out for dinner, I thought that a meal before your audition would be such a good idea. We had no idea about the world then.’
‘They were still good times.’ Anya sighed, because she had so many happy memories of back then—as children, laughing and showing off how fit she was to Daniil and Roman as they did their boxing drills. She recalled Christmas dinners when the workers’ families could come in for the day. Then she would get to eat with the orphans and she would sit with the four boys rather than standing in the kitchen to watch.
‘They were the best,’ Roman told her.
His response was unexpected.
He held her tight into him so that she rested her head on his chest and she could hear the thump-thump of his heart.
‘I didn’t think that you would have any good memories of back then,’ Anya said.
‘I have many. For the first twelve years I had Daniil, as well as Sev and Nikolai, and I always looked forward to seeing you. Do you remember the time you brought supper to my room?’
‘I wanted to kiss you,’ Anya said.
‘I wanted to touch your breasts,’ Roman said, and she smiled.
‘Did you look forward to seeing me today?’ Anya asked.
‘No.’
And