.
Читать онлайн книгу.
dealing with the rejection...
He nodded. ‘The pressure was intense, wasn’t it? And I was trying to stop my family completely disintegrating. The intrusion of the media was unbelievable. They ripped my father to shreds, which only made us all more aware of how damaged our own relationship with him was. It tarnished all the good memories we had as a family. It nearly destroyed us.
‘We’d always been in the limelight as one of the most important families in New York,’ he continued quietly. ‘A perfect family. And then it turns out that my father had been living a lie. That he’d had an affair. That there was a half-sister none of us knew about.’
He cleared his throat. ‘I was the oldest and it was down to me to handle the media and focus on what mattered and the only way I could do that was to ignore how I felt. My only job was to protect the people that mattered most to me and, at that time, it had to be my family. It hit my mother hardest, as you can probably imagine, but they went to town on Miranda’s mother, too. Describing her as worthless was one of the kinder labels. I didn’t know her and I probably wouldn’t have wanted to but I did know that my new half-sister was just a scared kid who had nobody to protect her. She was as vulnerable as you could get...’
Grace bit her lip. Charles couldn’t help himself, could he? He had to protect the vulnerable. It had been the reason why they’d been together that night—he’d felt the need to protect her. To comfort her. To make her feel strong enough to cope with the world.
That ability to care for others more than himself was a huge part of what made him such an amazing person.
And, yes...she could understand why his attention had been so convincingly distracted.
Could forgive it, even?
‘By the time things settled down, you were gone.’
Grace shrugged. Of course she had gone. There had been nothing to stay for. Would it have changed things if she’d known how difficult life was for Charles at that time?
Maybe.
Or maybe not. It was more likely that she would have been made much more aware of how different his world was and how unlikely it would have been that she could have been a part of it.
‘I can’t imagine what it must have been like. Life can be difficult enough without having your privacy invaded like that. I couldn’t think of anything worse...’ Grace shook her head. ‘I get that a one-night stand would have fallen off your radar. You don’t need to apologise.’
But it was nice that he had.
‘It was a lot more than a one-night stand, Grace.’ The words were quiet. Convincing. ‘You need to know that. And I asked about you, later—every time I came across someone from school at a conference or something. That was how I found out you’d got married.’
Grace was silent. He’d been asking about her? Looking for her, even? If she had known that, would she have taken her relationship with Mike as far as marrying him?
Possibly not. She had thought she’d found love but she’d always known the connection hadn’t been as fierce as the one she’d found with Charles that night.
‘It was just after that that I met Nina,’ he continued. There was a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. ‘Even then, I thought, well...if you could get married and live happily ever after, I’d better make sure I didn’t get left behind.’
The silence was very poignant this time.
‘I’m sorry,’ Grace whispered. ‘Everybody knows how much you loved her. I’m so sorry you didn’t get your happily ever after.’
‘I got some wonderful memories. And two amazing children. You reminded me just how lucky I am, on your first day at work.’ Charles drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘I hope you have things to feel lucky about, too.’
‘Of course I do.’
‘Like?’
Grace swallowed hard. She was leaning against that wall in her heart now, as if she needed support to stay upright.
But maybe she needed more than that. To hear someone agree that she was lucky?
‘I’m alive,’ she whispered.
She could feel his shock. Did he think she was making a reference to Nina? Grace closed her eyes. She hadn’t intended saying more but she couldn’t leave it like that.
‘I found a lump in my breast,’ she said slowly, into the silence. ‘I’d been married for about a year by then and Mike was keen to start a family. The lump turned out to be only a cyst but, because of my mother, they ran a lot of tests and one of them was for the genetic markers that let you know how much risk you have of getting ovarian or breast cancer. Mine was as high as it gets. And some people think that pregnancy can make that worse.’
‘So you decided not to have kids?’
Grace shook her head, glancing up. ‘No. I decided I’d have them as quickly as possible and then have a hysterectomy and mastectomy. Only...it didn’t work out that way because they found another lump and that one wasn’t a cyst. So...I decided to get the surgery and give up any dreams of having kids.’
She had to close her eyes again. ‘Mike couldn’t handle that. And he couldn’t handle the treatment—especially the chemo and living with someone who was sick all the time. And later, my scars were just a reminder of what I’d taken away from him. A mother for his children. A woman he could look at without being...’ her next word came out like a tiny sob ‘...disgusted...’
Maybe she had known how Charles would react.
Maybe she had wanted, more than anything, to feel his arms around her, like this.
To hear his voice, soft against her ear.
‘You’re gorgeous, Grace. There are no scars that could ever take that away.’
She could hear the steady thump of his heart and feel the solid comfort of the band of his arms around her.
‘You’re strong, too. I fought external things and I’m not sure that I did such a great job but you...you fought a battle that you could never step away from, even for a moment. And you won.’
Grace’s breath caught in a hitch. She had won. She would never forget any one of those steps towards hearing those magic words...
Cancer-free...
‘Your courage blows me away,’ Charles continued. ‘You not only got through that battle with the kind of obstacles that your jerk of a husband added but you took yourself off to work in places that are as tough as they get. You didn’t let it dent your sense of adventure or the amazing ability you have to care for others.’ His arms tightened around her. ‘You should be so proud of yourself. Don’t ever let anything that he said or did take any of that away from you.’
Grace had to look up. To make sure that his eyes were telling her the same thing that his words were. To see if what she was feeling right now was something real. That she could be proud of everything she’d been through. That she could, finally, dismiss the legacy that Mike’s rejection had engraved on her soul. That she was so much stronger now...
How amazing was this that Charles could make her feel as if she’d just taken the biggest step ever into a bright, new future?
That she’d found someone who made it possible to take the kind of risk that she’d never believed she would be strong enough to take again?
And maybe she had known what would happen when they fell into each other’s eyes again like this.
As the distance between them slowly disappeared and their lips touched.
That door in the wall in her heart had been so well hidden she hadn’t even realised she was leaning right against it until it fell open with their combined weight.
And the other side was a magic