Knave of Hearts. Caroline Anderson
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slumped into a chair. ‘I think a hell of a lot of you, Jake. I always have done, but that doesn’t mean I’ve ever let it cloud my judgement. You were a good friend, the best, but you would have made a rotten husband and father seven years ago.’
‘And now?’
‘Now what?’
‘What kind of a husband and father would I make now, Annie? Because you can be sure of one thing—I’m not letting her go. I don’t want carefully measured visitation rights, or joint custody or some other legal arrangement. I want to be her father, in every sense of the word. I want a say in her upbringing and education, and I’m not convinced I want you out at work leaving her with a stranger for the weekend while you’re on call!’
‘Huh! And how the hell am I supposed to provide for her if I don’t go out to work?’
‘I’ll provide for her—for both of you——’
‘Over my dead body! And anyway, Jenny’s a registered childminder, not a stranger——’
‘She is to me. How do I know if I can trust her with my daughter?’
Anne glared at him. ‘She’s not your daughter, she’s my daughter. I carried her, I gave birth to her, I’ve brought her up and cared for her and made all the decisions for her while you were off seeing the world and getting married——’
‘You could have married me.’
‘Oh, yes—we’ve been through all that. You weren’t ready, Jake. Look what happened when you did get married.’
‘There was no child involved.’
‘Would it have made any difference?’
He met her eyes briefly, then looked away. ‘Probably not.’
‘You see? Just one more example of your feckless attitude to life, but Beth’s one toy you’re not going to pick up and drop—damn it, Jake, I nearly died giving birth to her! She’s mine, and I’m not going to let you have her!’
Her emotions strung to fever pitch, she turned away to hide the sudden rush of tears that cascaded down her flushed cheeks.
Jake’s hand, gentle on her shoulder, was nearly her undoing.
‘I don’t want to take her from you, Annie. I want to share her, get to know her. I want to love her, Annie, and I want her to love me, too. Don’t shut me out. I’ve lost so much of her life already—let me share her with you. Please? Marry me now, Annie—make me part of your lives.’
Her breath caught in her throat. His touch was warm, undemanding, but she knew it could change like quicksilver to become sensual and erotic, giving and yet taking, demanding, searching … Dear God, what was she thinking? She was letting herself be swayed by the soft pleading in his voice, but she could never feel like that for Jake again, could never trust him——
‘Marry you? Jake, are you mad? I wouldn’t marry you if you Were the last man on earth!’
He recoiled as if she’d struck him, walking swiftly away from her to stand broodingly at the patio doors, staring out at the dark, snow-covered garden. His hands were rammed in his pockets, his shoulder hunched defensively.
Immediately Anne regretted her impulsive outburst, but not the emotion that had triggered it. Yes, Jake was Beth’s father, but that gave him no rights over her.
‘You didn’t feel that way about me once,’ he reminded her.
‘Yes, once and only once, and look where it got me!’
He turned and met her eyes challengingly. ‘You could have had an abortion.’
‘No!’ She felt the heat drain out of her at his words. ‘Oh, no. Jake, I loved you. You were the best friend I’d ever had. How could I have killed your child?’
As she watched, the challenging anger faded from his eyes and they glazed with tears. ‘Why didn’t you tell me, Annie? I’ve missed so much …’
He bowed his head, and she watched in horror as a heavy tear slid down his cheek and splashed on to his sweatshirt, all the more shocking for being so unexpected.
She didn’t even stop to think. Her arms were round him, his head against hers, offering him wordless comfort while he struggled against the roiling tumult of his emotions.
After a while he lifted his head and tilted her chin, staring down searchingly into her eyes. His lashes, impossibly long, were spiked with tears, but his eyes were clear now, his emotions firmly back in control although his voice was gruff.
Thank you—for having her, for taking care of her, for not taking the easy way out.’
She shook her head. This was the easy way out—but not only that, for me it was the only way. Don’t thank me. I didn’t do it for you.’
‘I’m thanking you for my daughter,’ he reminded her softly, and then with a sigh he pulled her close again. ‘You said you nearly died …’
She nodded. ‘It was awful. Really she’s lucky to be alive. She was an awkward presentation, and I just didn’t have the pelvic capacity to cope with it.’
Jake led her to the sofa and sat, his arm still round her, while she told him about the fight to bring his daughter into the world.
‘Why didn’t they do a section?’ he asked in bewilderment. ‘Surely they could see you’re too tiny to deliver anything but a straightforward presentation?’
She shrugged. ‘It was a young doctor, and he kept saying she’d turn any minute. I knew he was wrong, I’d done my obstetrics, but you’re very vulnerable lying there, and you don’t feel like arguing. In the end I was too weak to argue, and then he called the consultant and they got her out in the nick of time. It’s a miracle she isn’t brain-damaged.’
‘Don’t,’ he groaned, and hugged her hard against his side. ‘Oh, Annie, love, I’m sorry. I should have been there.’
She laughed, a little shakily. ‘I’m glad you weren’t—you would have killed him!’
Jake chuckled. ‘Probably.’ He tipped her chin up with his fingers, and looked searchingly into her eyes. ‘Poor darling,’ he murmured, and then his mouth found hers, his lips soft and undemanding, his kiss a gift of devastating tenderness that brought a sigh to her lips.
Her body felt like liquid, melting against him as he deepened the kiss. She had missed him—oh, how she had missed him, but it had never been like this. Apart from that one wild, unforgettable night there had been only hugs and kisses of friendship, but this—there was something so right about it that it didn’t occur to Anne to stop him.
Gradually the pressure increased as the kiss became more demanding, and Jake eased her down until she was stretched out on the sofa, his body pressing against hers so she could feel the hard imprint of his desire.
With a moan of frustration she arched against him, and he lifted his head and stared down at her, his eyes almost black with passion.
‘What about Beth?’ he asked, his voice roughened with need.
‘What about her?’ Annie asked absently, her eyes locked with his, drowning in the deep, peaty pools that mirrored her own desire.
He laughed softly. ‘I’d hate her to come down and catch us—is there a lock on your bedroom door?’
‘Bedroom?’ she echoed stupidly, then suddenly reality came crashing back and she pushed ineffectually at Jake’s solid chest.
‘Dear God, what are we doing? Jake, let me up.’
He stared at her in disbelief for a second, and then with an untidy sigh he eased away from her and let her go.
She sprang off the sofa, her arms hugged around her waist, her whole body trembling. Dear heaven,