Her Secret Service Agent. Stephanie Doyle
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You were constantly being hounded for comments.”
Vivian considered it, but no, it wasn’t possible. She hadn’t been able to say the name at all. When trying to give the federal agents as much detail about the time spent as his prisoner, even thinking the name caused her to shut down completely.
It wasn’t until she’d started therapy with Nicholas that she’d finally been able to recount more of the details of her kidnapping. Something he assured her she needed to do to put it behind her.
But Nicholas wasn’t someone she necessarily wanted to remember, either. She certainly didn’t want to discuss him with Joe. For now she didn’t see the point. Carl and his agents were going to investigate the origin of the letters. Joe was simply the body man she needed to watch her back.
The less said about her time with Nicholas, the better for both of them. Only, there was the small matter of Joe not wanting to take the job.
“I know this is strange,” she began. “For both of us. I know I’m probably the last person you ever wanted to see again, and now I’m asking you for something, as well. You can say no if you hate me that much. It’s okay for you to walk away. But if any part of you remembers who we used to be before it all happened, then I’m asking as your old friend to help me.”
He lifted the remaining glass of whiskey and swallowed it in one gulp.
“Okay. You win. Let’s go.”
“Where are we going?”
“You remember how it works, Viv? Where you go I go. Which means I’ve got to check out your place.”
Right, Vivian thought. She was taking Joe back to her place.
She could handle that. At least she hoped she could.
* * *
“WHERE’S YOUR BED?”
They were back at her apartment and Joe was moving from room to room. Finally he joined her in the kitchen, and Vivian tried to think straight.
It was hard when part of her wanted to pinch herself. It was surreal to her that he was actually here with her now. Not a dream. Not a memory.
He was certainly older. Some gray was smattered throughout his dark brown hair. A beard grew tight along his jaw. Back in the day the other agents had called him Baby Face Hunt, much to his chagrin. No one could say that now.
Of course, he was still handsome. She’d never expected that to change, and she didn’t think she would ever look at Joe Hunt and think him not handsome. His eyes were still the same. Deep, dark brown and intense. Although now there were lines around the edges, like rings in a tree marking the years of his life.
And when he asked her where her bed was, she felt a pang.
Not good.
A series of thoughts ran through her head. Did he want to take her to bed? Would she let him? Were they finally going to do what she’d felt had been destined for them all those years ago? Was this the thing they could do that would finally close the door on their past and let her move on with her life?
“It’s not an invitation. Just a question,” he elaborated.
Or maybe he just wanted to know where her bed was.
Mentally, Vivian scolded herself. She knew better than to indulge those feelings.
Adolescent crush. Hero worship. Fantasy-based infatuation. These were the terms Nicholas had used to describe her feelings toward Joe. Which in many ways helped. If he hadn’t been that important to her, then it wouldn’t have hurt as much that he left her when she needed him most.
Except he had been. Important. And it had hurt.
Back then.
“I don’t have a bed.”
“From what I can tell, this is a one-bedroom apartment. That room back there is supposed to be the bedroom. All you’ve got in there is some fancy couch, a nightstand and a walk-in closet.”
“It’s a chaise lounge,” she corrected him.
“Whatever. Where do you sleep?”
“I don’t sleep much,” Vivian answered. She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want him to see the ripple effects of the kidnapping in her life. She wanted him to see how much she’d changed and grown. Not how much she was still broken.
Half answers had never been enough for him, though, and she could see he was waiting for more.
Vivian shrugged. “I have insomnia.”
“Even insomniacs sleep some of the time.”
“I sleep some, yes. On the couch here. In that leather recliner behind you. Sometimes on the chaise. Whenever my body needs it. You’re not supposed to lie in a bed and not sleep. It develops bad patterns. You begin to associate the bed with not sleeping. I didn’t want to develop any long-term issues with beds in general. Sooner or later I’m going to get over this. Then I’ll need one. For now, no bed.”
“You never used to have a problem sleeping.”
Vivian gave him a look that implied he was being thick.
He nodded. “You haven’t slept in ten years? You look remarkably well, considering.”
“I sleep. I just don’t sleep in a bed.”
“Must be hell on your boyfriends,” he commented, walking past her toward a wall she had filled with framed pictures of herself and her father. She’d once stood next to dignitaries, presidents, congressmen and a queen. She wondered if Joe remembered those times. He’d been at most of those occasions with her.
Then he looked over his shoulder at her with a shitty little grin. “Then again, I guess shrinks don’t have a problem doing it on a couch.”
Wow. A direct hit. She’d been waiting for it. It had to come up sometime. His disdain over what had happened with Nicholas. It was why she’d avoided mentioning his name back at the bar.
Still, she hadn’t been prepared for how much it would hurt. Hadn’t been prepared for him to hurt her so intentionally.
Something he would do only if he hated her.
This had been a mistake, she thought. A mistake to come to him for help. She thought he could make her feel safe. He thought she had ruined his life. Of course he would want to hurt her, punish her.
“You’re right, Joe,” Vivian said calmly. “What a funny joke.”
His expression changed. Almost as if he regretted the words, but it was too late. Now she knew the truth. He really did hate her, which meant she was never going to feel safe with him.
“Vivian...”
“This isn’t going to work.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away from her. “I didn’t mean... I was just...”
“Being an ass? What? You thought reminding me about my scandal would make me laugh?”
If it was possible, Nicholas Rossi had been a bigger mistake than running away from Joe that night.
“Just like that, then? You said you needed me and now I’m expendable.”
“I can’t... I can’t...” She paused and took a deep breath, then another. She was not a weak person, she told herself firmly. She was not. “I can’t do this, Joe. I can’t fight whoever is trying to scare me and you, too. When I found you, I thought I would find...”
Safety and peace. What she’d had before with him before it all shattered. It had been a fool’s errand. A person couldn’t go back.
“Find what?” he asked.
Vivian shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I was wrong. I’m sorry for taking you away from your afternoon