Conard County Marine. Rachel Lee
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don’t mean about that, Kylie. You know that.” Her voice had gentled. “I mean about now—how you’re feeling, are you glad to be home? That’s okay, right?”
Coop had to resist the urge to throw everyone out right now. Not his decision, not his house. But he didn’t like the way Kylie was looking. And these were her friends?
But Ashley remained gentle and concerned and Kylie began to relax a bit. Todd on the other hand seemed to get a different message.
“I’ll be going,” he said. “Call me if you need anything at all, Kylie. I’ll see you again soon. You just take care of yourself.”
One problem solved, Coop thought as Todd let himself out. Then he looked at the women. “I guess I should make myself scarce.”
Kylie shook her head and Ashley looked directly at him. “I don’t mind you being here. It’s up to Kylie.”
“Stay,” Kylie said, sounding stronger. “I was just shocked to see Todd. We haven’t had much to do with each other since high school. I mean, we’ve been casual friends, but he’s not the first person I would have expected to show up.”
“Curiosity visit,” Ashley said sharply. “You’ll probably get a lot of those. But not me,” she added with a smile. “I promise. I just want to know how you are now, and Marisa, Connie and Julie designated me.” She looked up at Coop. “We’ve been a gang forever. And would you please sit?”
“You could take a seat yourself,” he answered humorously, but accepted the hint, settling onto one end of the couch. Towering over the women probably wasn’t very comforting to either of them. “Oh, I wondered about coffee. Anyone?”
“No thanks,” came two prompt responses. Ashley sat on the other end of the couch. “So everyone wants to know how you’re feeling. Still worn out by everything? Getting your energy back? Julie wanted to have a Scrabble night but decided we ought to find out if you were up to it yet.”
“Not yet. Thanks. These big waves of fatigue just wash over me from time to time.”
And waves of fear, Coop suspected. Then he took the bull by the horns. It had to be hard for Kylie to dance around things, and she already looked tired. “It’s a lot to deal with, not remembering the last few years, recovering physically, moving home with your sister. It’d wear anyone out, I’d think.”
Kylie surprised him with a crooked smile. “But aren’t you always on the go?”
“Well, yes,” he admitted. “But I’ve had years to get used to it. You’re probably used to being more settled.”
“I was. Once. I don’t know about recently.”
The stark honesty drew silence from both Coop and Ashley. They exchanged a quick look, then Coop rose. “I want that coffee. I’ll be back in a few.”
The least he could do was give Kylie the time to talk freely with Ashley. If she could. No question that he was the odd man out, and acutely aware of it. He listened to the murmur of their voices from the kitchen and nodded to himself. Give the ladies some time alone. It might do Kylie a world of good.
* * *
“He’s a hunk,” Ashley remarked after Coop walked away.
“I guess.” Which was kind of an evasive comment, Kylie thought as she heard herself. She had noticed he was a hunk. She just wasn’t interested in hunks or much else right now except the constant wondering about all she’d forgotten. The memory loss left her feeling unsettled. Uneasy. Unable to really trust herself, never mind anyone else.
“So what’s the hardest part and what can I do?” Ashley asked. “Anything?”
Kylie rose at last and walked slowly around the living room, touching familiar items as if they could connect her to the past that had a great gaping hole in it. Her ribs still ached, and she felt scars on her body stretch a complaint, but it wasn’t that bad anymore. “I honestly don’t know, Ashley. All I know is that it’s scary to have forgotten so much. I didn’t even recognize my own apartment, or most of what was in it.”
“That would be...eerie. Weird.”
“It is. I mean, I could tell I lived there, the signs were everywhere, but I couldn’t remember it. The only things I recognized were things I had before I moved to Denver.”
“Creepy,” Ashley said. “My God, that’s got to be a scary feeling, Kylie. I can’t imagine it.”
“Don’t even try. It’s hard enough to explain.” Weariness washed over her again. It had been a long day. She returned to her chair and tried to smile. “Some of it may come back. In fact, they seem sure that some of it will. The thing is, it probably won’t be enough to make up for those semesters in school that I can’t remember now. I don’t know if I even want to try again.”
Ashley nodded sympathetically. “The nice thing is you don’t have to decide now. Glenda is thrilled to have you back. In fact, I think she’s thrilled to have someone in the house who isn’t Brad. Do you remember him?”
“Yeah. Sort of.”
Just then heavy steps alerted them and Coop appeared carrying a coffeepot and three mugs. “Want to join me?”
Kylie felt Ashley look at her. Apparently it was to be her decision. A moment of amusement passed through her. Glenda swore she wasn’t interested in Coop. Now she wondered if Ashley was. “Love to,” she answered. Regardless of how she might be feeling, she could see no point in interfering with Ashley’s romantic interest.
Coop poured and passed the coffee around and set the pot on a coaster. “If I’m a fifth wheel, tell me.”
Kylie shook her head. “You’re fine. We were talking about my amnesia. We might as well talk about it. It’s kind of lying there in the middle of everything.”
Coop sat on the other end of the couch. “So...how much did you lose?”
“About three years for sure,” she said honestly. “All my time in Denver, all my schooling and training there...it’s a big blank. I don’t even remember people who were apparently my friends. The thing that also worries me is I don’t know if I have other blanks from earlier in my life.”
He lifted one corner of his mouth. “I think we all have those blanks.”
“That’s what Glenda said.” But she felt a burst of resentment. Having amnesia wasn’t something to be minimized. Not being able to trust your own memory at all wasn’t something to be brushed aside. But railing about it would only make these people feel bad, and all they were trying to do was make her feel better. God, this whole thing had turned her into some kind of mess.
Apparently Coop was better at understanding people than she would have expected from a marine. He spoke quietly. “I’m not trying to be dismissive, Kylie. Not at all.”
“No,” she agreed, the irritation remaining with her. “Everyone’s trying to be reassuring. And, yeah, I get that most of us don’t have the best memories, and that we all forget things, but it’s different when you lose three whole years!”
She heard her own voice rise with vehemence and didn’t care. Let them deal with it. It stank. All of it stank. Being attacked and nearly killed would have been bad enough all on its own, but losing a big chunk of her life? Losing all that work toward her master’s degree?
It was as if some part of her brain had simply shut down the sections labeled “Denver” and “Grad School.” She hoped she never remembered the attack. If that was all she had forgotten, she’d gladly live with it. But she had lost a whole lot more, and now she had to wonder what other things were lost that shouldn’t have been. Sure, everyone had holes in their memories, but usually they forgot unimportant things. She couldn’t be sure she hadn’t lost the important ones.
Then shame pierced her. “I’m sorry. You’re both trying to be so nice.”