Bringing Emma Home. Stella MacLean
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if we go and he has irrefutable proof that it’s your child?”
Once again, his hands reached for hers. She hugged herself, not letting him touch her.
“Grace, that’s not possible. The more I think about it, the less likely I think it is that it’s true. In my experience, she was always meticulous in her dealings with people. If I was the father of her child, why didn’t she tell me? I can’t help but believe that she would have wanted me to know, to share the responsibility for the baby, the cost of her education, all the things that are needed to care for a child. I can’t imagine that she wouldn’t have insisted that I help out. What woman wouldn’t?”
“What will we do if it is your child?” Grace asked, as she kept waiting to wake up from a bad dream, cry out and be cuddled by her husband, the way it had happened after other nightmares.
The thought that a child would come into their lives in such a destructive, personally tragic way was almost beyond believing. “If this child is yours, you’ve hurt an innocent child because of your careless behavior while destroying our marriage.”
Aidan stood perfectly still. “I realize that, Grace. And I have no idea how I’ll make it up to you, but I will. As for the little girl, we owe it to her to talk with this lawyer and see what proof he thinks he has that I’m her father.”
If she was to keep her marriage as God intended, and rebuild the trust they’d always shared, she had to work her way through this horrible mess. But she couldn’t do it without proof that Aidan was serious about making amends. “There is only one way I will consider being involved with you in this, and that is if you tell me everything. If I find out you’ve been lying to me about this woman, about your time with her, our marriage is over.”
“I have told you the truth. And there is zero chance that this is my child. You and I have been trying to get pregnant for years, and every doctor we went to couldn’t find the cause. I simply won’t accept without further DNA tests, that I could have fathered a child so easily. Not after all the times you and I have made love, all the procedures we went through. It’s as simple as that. From my point of view, this is a mistake on someone’s part. I want to get it straightened out so that you and I can go ahead with adopting a child.”
“Adopt a child? How can you even think of such a thing when our marriage is in so much trouble? Didn’t you just tell me that you’d had an affair, that there might be a child from that affair? You think that this will simply be over by you admitting to what you did?” she asked, shocked and angry.
“I didn’t mean right away. I meant after this is over.”
“Aidan, this won’t simply go away. The fact that you had an affair is bad enough. The thought that you had a child with this woman makes everything impossible. Can’t you see that?”
She stood with her hand on the door, her head pounding, and watched her husband’s face. A face she loved, had loved most of her life. And now, because of one phone call, it might all be over. “Well? Aren’t you going to say something?”
“Grace, I’m begging you to go with me. You can’t imagine how terrible I feel for the pain I’ve caused you. I want to make it up to you by being totally honest about all this. From now on, wherever this takes us, I want you with me.”
She heard the sincerity in his voice, saw the expression of remorse on his face, and her determination to walk out slipped from her. Whatever he’d done, however much he’d hurt her, she was still his wife and she had to allow him to make this right. Maybe he couldn’t, and she would have to live with that. But whatever came out of this, she didn’t want to end up regretting what she’d done, how she’d behaved.
As she stared at him, memories of their life flashed before her eyes, all the good times they’d had together would end up being for nothing if she acted too rashly. Deep down inside she wanted to believe that, despite everything, they might still have a chance.
“I don’t know if I can do this, any of it. You’ve hurt me in ways I could never have imagined. Right now I hate you, and I can’t imagine ever getting over what I’m feeling.”
“Grace, I’m so afraid,” he said, his hands working at his sides.
“Would you be willing to go for marriage counseling?” she asked.
“Of course. All I want is you, Grace. I want us to find each other again, to feel what we’ve felt all these years.”
She looked at the man she’d married ten years ago, at the light dusting of freckles on his cheeks, the way his eyes seemed to see straight through her. Was it possible she might have feelings for him again? That somehow their marriage would survive this? Love didn’t die easily. She’d seen her parents’ marriage and the trouble they’d gone through, the loss of faith when her dad’s gambling problem had nearly bankrupted the family. She had to believe that her marriage would survive this, that marriage counseling might help them regain the trust they’d lost.
But she had no idea how. And if it turned out that Aidan had been unfaithful, it could be the final blow to their marriage, something that Grace would never get over. To a part of Grace, it was simply unbelievable that her husband could have fathered a child when they’d done everything to have one of their own. No one had said it was her fault that they couldn’t conceive, but deep down, she blamed herself. Proving that Aidan hadn’t had a child by this woman would help ease her guilt that she was responsible for their infertility. If this whole thing was behind them, as Aidan said, they could go to counseling, reaffirm their marriage vows and work with the adoption lawyer to find a baby.
Grace took a deep breath to ease the tension headache. “Okay. I will go with you, but that’s all I’m willing to do.”
He grabbed her, held her tight. “I love you, Grace. So much,” he said, tears streaming down his cheeks, his shoulders shaking.
“We’ll get through this,” he whispered close to her ear. “There is nothing we can’t do if we put our minds to it. I made a mistake, but I’m willing to make it up to you. As for the child, there is no way that little girl is mine. And I’ll prove it by having the DNA testing redone in a reputable lab.”
“I hope you’re right,” she said, her voice low as she looked into his eyes.
“This is one giant mistake on someone’s part, and I’ll prove it.” He put his arm around her shoulders and led her to the sofa, all the while feeling her resistance. “I should never have told you about Deidre the way I did. It was thoughtless and hurtful. There’s nothing I can do to fix that, but if you’ll go with me while we establish that I’m not the father, then we can work on us.”
“It’s not that simple, Aidan. I’m not going to go along with whatever you want. I’ve had enough of that. You don’t really believe that this will be over so easily, do you?” she demanded, pushing his hands away.
“I don’t know, but I want to see if I can start to make things right with you. Grace, I can’t bear to lose you, and we will get through this. I’ll make a reservation at an inn in Spartanburg, and after all this is behind us we will continue what we started here,” he said. “That is, if you want to.”
“I don’t know what I want. The only thing I’m certain of is that this is a long way from over.”
Aidan saw the misery in his wife’s eyes and his heart contracted in his chest. How could he have done this to her? “Grace, I have been so damned stupid. You deserve better than what I’ve given you by way of explanation. I’m sorry about everything, but most of all I’m sorry for causing you such pain. Thank you for agreeing to come with me. And I promise you that we will figure this out. Just give us time.”
She gave him a harsh look he’d never seen before. His stomach sank as he realized the monumental task ahead of him.
* * *
THE NEXT DAY, as they drove toward Spartanburg, would have been so pleasant if not for the impending meeting. Aidan had lain awake