A Home For Her Baby. Eleanor Jones
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sea. She’d thought they were friends, but he’d only reluctantly agreed to let her come on this trip, and apart from that one episode with the oilskins, he’d been curt and distant... Now she knew why. Her presence on the boat in such bad weather had put them all at risk.
Bobby couldn’t drown, he mustn’t drown... It wasn’t right. And if he did...if he had, then it would all be down to her.
Hours passed, or what felt like hours to Ali. If only one of them would come and tell her something...unless there was nothing to tell. She nursed her arm to try and ease the pain, thinking about Bobby and feeling guilty for being warm and dry. Bobby was always so much fun, laughing, joking and singing karaoke in the pub. Someone so vibrant and bubbling with life had to be fine...didn’t they? He was kind and caring, too, and so young. He had far too much left to give for his life to be taken; she just needed to stay positive.
Nursing her throbbing arm she cast her mind back to the first time they met. She’d gone with her husband, Jake, to a charity event at the college in Manchester where he lectured and Bobby was a student in his tourism and hospitality course. Jake introduced them and they’d chatted, just general stuff, but after that she’d seemed to keep bumping into him when she least expected it. They’d fallen into an unlikely and totally innocent friendship, and when her dad died and then her marriage went wrong and she’d had no one to talk to, he’d been there. In fact, she realized, she’d have been lost back then without his good advice and common sense.
You need to take some time out, he’d told her. A trial separation to decide what you really want. Maybe you could even do something for your dad. You’re a journalist and he was a fisherman, perhaps you should write an article on fishing and the sea, in his memory.
His suggestion had taken root and grown. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time, her coming to stay at his family’s pub, The Fisherman’s Inn in Jenny Brown’s Bay, a little village between Arnside and Morecambe. She’d so enjoyed talking to the fishermen who frequented the pub in the evenings, especially Bobby’s older brother Tom and learning what her father’s life must have been like. In the end she’d taken a six month lease on a cottage right down by the sea and begun writing her article. She closed her eyes and shook her head... How had it ended like this. If she hadn’t taken Bobby up on his suggestion to come here—or if she’d followed Tom’s advice and stayed on shore—tonight would never have happened. Oh why did she always have to be so pigheaded?
Mike appeared again, peering cautiously round the door. “You okay?”
She nodded. “Have you found him?”
“Search and Rescue are out looking.” His mouth was a grim line. “His brother Ned works for them and he’s on duty tonight so he’ll find Bobby, I’m sure of it.”
Ali saw the lights first, blazing through the blackness. She pressed her face against the glass. They must have found him...
The Search and Rescue boat came right up against The Sea Hawk, grating hull to hull. A man secured the ropes and a familiar figure jumped effortlessly across the gap between the boats... Ned, it was Ned.
He spoke to Jed first, placing an arm around his father’s shoulders. When Jed dropped his face into his hands Ali’s heart sank and an unshed well of tears stopped her breathing. No...no...no...this couldn’t be happening.
She was gasping for breath when Ned burst through the cabin door. “It’s you...” he yelled. “My brother’s dead because of you.”
Ali sank to her knees, not noticing that the storm had died and the pale light of dawn was sneaking over the horizon, bringing the promise of a new day; a day that didn’t have Bobby in it...because of her. “I am so, so sorry,” she groaned, rocking from side to side, her pain forgotten.
“It’s all your fault!” Ned said, turning away.
Eventually Tom came back to the cabin, his face ashen and his eyes dark and empty. Ignoring Ali he took the controls, piloting the boat on automatic. Half an hour went by before he spoke. “I told you to stay down below,” he said without looking round. It was an accusation, Ali knew that, but she didn’t know how to respond.
“Oh no. I’m sorry,” she eventually managed, her voice little more than a whisper. Tom just stared ahead, and she could see his eyes were bright with tears he wouldn’t allow himself to shed.
They traveled like that for over an hour, across the restless rippling sea, unaware of the glorious dawn that brought a hint of pale winter sunshine that made the water sparkle. It felt to Ali as if the sea was laughing at their plight, but still she couldn’t hate it. She was the one who deserved to be hated. Mike came and went again, in silence, for there was nothing to be said.
Back at the harbor, Tom and Mike worked in silence, securing the boat. Ali sat motionless, still wrapped in a blanket, not knowing what to say or do. There was nothing she could do, no words she could say that might help. Her heart was a lump of lead inside her chest, her mind an empty space that was still trying to process what had happened. She looked at Tom... Bobby was his brother.
Tom just looked broken and lost.
A heavy flood of tears pressed against her eyelids. What she felt must be nothing to what he was going through. Bobby’s death had been her fault, but she knew Tom would blame himself and he now had the task of going home with his dad to break the awful news to his mother, Grace, and his seventeen-year-old sister, Lily. They’d be waiting impatiently at The Fisherman’s Inn right now, waiting for their family to come home...still unaware one of them was gone forever and the fishing trip that had started out as an adventure had become a nightmare that could never end.
Mike looked into the cabin as he was about to leave. “You okay?” he asked.
Afraid to see sympathy in his eyes when she didn’t deserve it, she just nodded, unable to bring herself to look at him. “You need to go home now,” he told her. “And try to get some sleep. I can give you a lift if you’d like.”
She shook her head. “No need, thanks,” she said, standing up and dropping her blanket onto the bench. “It’s not very far. I’ll be fine.”
Tom was still on board when she left the boat and she watched and waited in the shadows until he locked the cabin, left the boat and walked woodenly across to his truck, looking neither left nor right. Only then did she start slowly walking et off toward her cottage on Cove Road, remembering how the adventure had begun, just yesterday. She’d walked so eagerly down to the boatyard, alight with excitement. And then she’d overheard them, Tom, Ned, Bobby and Jed, arguing about whether or not she should come along. Bobby had invited her and she’d been so looking forward to the chance to return her father’s ashes to the sea. When she overheard Tom calling her a rookie and a city girl who’d cause only problems for them, she’d felt a rush of disappointment. It was Bobby who was her friend, but she thought she and Tom were building a friendship, too. He’d been so patient with her many questions and had given her a lot of information on fishing as a way of life. She’d been annoyed and maybe a little hurt to find out just how angry he was about Bobby inviting her along, especially when it was so important to her. Now she knew better. She dropped her face into her hands... Now she knew just how right Tom had been and just how foolish she was.
Opening the cottage door, she went through into the sitting room that overlooked the sea and collapsed on the sofa, feeling as if the whole world was closing in on her. Bobby Roberts was dead and it was all because of her.
ALI GROANED, clutching at her shoulder, her heart beating erratically as the memories kicked in... The boat...the sea...and Bobby; it was just a bad dream...had to be a bad dream. The agony in her arm said otherwise and she dragged herself up from her awkward position on the couch, crying out with the pain. She must have slept, but how could she, after everything?
Outside, bizarrely, the sun was shining, bringing a sparkle to the tranquil ocean, just