Ready for Marriage?. Anne Marie Winston
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he was beginning to fully appreciate just how flexible his arrangement with Kristin had been. He’d advertised for a nanny and had three people to interview over the next few days, but even with that, he doubted he was going to be completely satisfied with the new arrangement. Kris had made his life so easy she’d spoiled him for anyone else.
He eyed the phone. It was the second of July already, and he’d been waiting for Kristin to call to firm up their plans for the Fourth. But she hadn’t called, and he had the feeling she wasn’t going to. Well, he could afford to be generous, he decided, picking up the receiver. He wasn’t the one who’d stalked off in a huff.
And what the heck had that been all about anyway? He hadn’t stopped thinking about that kiss all week. Or his reaction to it. Or the way she’d reacted, winding herself around him like a living vine, opening herself completely to his kiss.
His heartbeat doubled merely thinking about it. God, she’d been sweet. He’d wanted to crawl into her caresses, to drown in the sensations she’d aroused, to bury himself inside her so deep there was no telling where he left off and she began. He’d never before allowed himself to think like that, to fantasize about the shape of her breasts or the feel of her slender legs locked around his hips, and it had been so disconcerting he’d had to stop kissing her. And then he’d started thinking about how she’d grown up practically before his eyes, and then he wondered what Deb would have thought of him kissing Kris…and then he’d been dumb enough to tell her he needed time to figure out their relationship.
He could almost smile about it if he didn’t miss her so much. She should have been born a redhead, because it sure didn’t take much to set fire to her temper.
He started to punch in her number, then stopped. He’d better decide what he wanted to say, or he was liable to have her jumping down his throat again. I still don’t know what to say to you but I’d like to spend more time with you. I miss you.
It was that simple. And it was honest. He had a feeling honesty was the only way to go with her.
Decisive now, he did call, and when she answered, he was ready. ‘‘Hey, Kris. How are you?’’
‘‘Fine.’’ She sounded…cautious. ‘‘How about you and Mollie?’’
‘‘Mollie’s fine.’’ He could talk to her about his day-care problems on the Fourth. ‘‘I’m not so fine. I miss you.’’
She was silent. Finally she said, ‘‘I know it’s really different now that I’m not around as much. It’ll get easier.’’
It wasn’t exactly the response he realized he’d been hoping for. ‘‘I don’t mean I miss your help with Mollie,’’ he clarified. ‘‘I miss you. And that’s why I’m calling. What time do you want me to pick you up on the Fourth? I thought it might be nice to do the picnic thing again. That was fun last year.’’
He heard her catch her breath, and she was silent for a moment. ‘‘Um, Derek, I can’t get together with you and Mollie this year.’’
Now it was his turn to be silent. ‘‘Look, Kris, I’m sorry for upsetting you the other night—’’
‘‘No,’’ she said. ‘‘It’s not that. If I were free I’d be glad to come with you. But I already have a date.’’
She had a date. A date? He completely forgot what she said about being glad to go along. ‘‘With who?’’
‘‘No one you know.’’ Her voice sounded pleasant but firm. ‘‘He’s a new member of the church.’’
The church that he, Derek, attended on Christmas and Easter while she had taken Mollie to Sunday school all year long. Until recently. ‘‘Oh.’’ He wondered if he sounded as shaken as he felt. ‘‘Well, maybe we’ll see you there.’’
‘‘Maybe.’’ Her voice was cheery. ‘‘Give Mollie a kiss for me.’’
‘‘I will.’’ What he really wanted was for Kris to give him another kiss. But that was looking less and less likely as her words sank in. After another lame exchange of small talk, he hung up—and threw the phone against the wall in a rare display of temper that even he hadn’t been prepared for.
‘‘Dammit!’’ He flopped down on the couch and drummed his fingers on his knees. Alarm bells began to ring in his head. What an ass he was. Here he’d been, thinking nonstop of himself and how a relationship with Kristin would affect him.
It was a shock to realize that she wasn’t even thinking of him at all. If you imagine I’m going to sit home waiting while you dissect your feelings and decide whether or not I might be allowed to fit into your life, you are seriously mistaken.
God, she hadn’t been kidding! He’d disregarded the words, he saw now, because he assumed they were meant to manipulate him. But they hadn’t been. His heart sank. No, far from manipulation, Kristin was giving up. Going out with someone else.
The thought made him want to snarl. She had no business going out with another man after she’d kissed him like that! Deb might have been the only other woman he’d ever had a physical relationship with, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew he wouldn’t lose his head with just any woman like he nearly had with Kris. God, they’d practically spontaneously combusted the other night. He still got hard every time he thought about it.
He was so confused. He wanted her. He didn’t want to want her. He was afraid to want her. Kristin was a very different woman than Deb had been. He hadn’t ever envisioned himself with anyone besides the wife he’d adored.
Sandy had been right. Kristin was very definitely a woman now. All woman. But she wasn’t the woman for him. He should be glad she was dating.
Glad. Ha! He felt anything but. In fact, he felt like throwing a few more things around the room at the thought of Kristin going out with someone else.
Kristin worked late the following Monday. After she checked to be sure the rest of the staff had gone home, she pulled up the computer programs that contained the previous year’s daily expense entries. Although it was looking more and more likely that Cathie had been steadily embezzling from the sanctuary, she was still reluctant to believe it. So reluctant, in fact, that she had yet to report it to the board.
As she studied the figures on the screen before her, a note taped to her monitor caught her eye. Tuesday, 1:00 p.m.
She’d put it there so she wouldn’t forget. Rusty Sheffield had asked her to have lunch with him tomorrow. Although he said he wanted her to catch him up on what she was doing, he’d made it plain that he considered it more than a business lunch. He’d told her how beautiful she’d looked the day of Summerfest. He’d asked her if she was involved with anyone and had made his relief plain when she’d told him no.
It wasn’t a lie, she told herself fiercely. A barely civil friendship with Derek is not a relationship. And she ignored the little pain that shot through her heart.
She’d promised herself she wasn’t going to sit around and moon over Derek. And so she’d said yes to Rusty, and yes to a real date on Friday night with the electrician who’d come by the shelter to repair the wiring. He was young, handsome and single, and she’d be a fool to wait around, hoping Derek would love her someday. This could be her last chance at a relationship!
A knock at the back door of the office startled her, and she quickly minimized the program she had open. Then she went to the door with a pleasant smile fixed firmly in place although the hours posted at the entry clearly stated the sanctuary was closed for the evening. But when she glanced through the window, she recognized Derek’s SUV parked beside her little compact car. Her heart rate doubled and her mouth went dry. Good heavens. Had her wishful thinking somehow communicated itself to him?
Ridiculous, she told herself. You’re being ridiculous. But she couldn’t prevent her body’s response any more than she could