A Mum For Amy. Ann Evans
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In dismay, Maggie said, “It wouldn’t have mattered if they had gone on at me for a month. There was just no way I could bear to end up being Aunt Maggie, living on the outskirts of my own child’s life. But I don’t blame you, Al. At the time, they thought it was a perfectly sensible solution, and you couldn’t have refused.”
Their eyes met, and immediately Alaina’s looked elsewhere, leaving a brief burn of barely concealed shame. “I know they hurt you,” she said. “I should have taken your side. But I’m not a fighter and never have been. I don’t like…confrontation. Arguing is so…”
“Fight phobia.”
Alaina’s gaze swung back to her. “What?”
Maggie gave her a small smile of understanding, hoping to lighten the mood. “Back in high school. That’s what Zack used to call it when I’d complain because you wouldn’t take a stand with me against Mom and Dad. Fight phobia.”
Maggie came around the bed to go to her sister’s side. Gently, she squeezed Alaina’s arm and drew her closer. “It’s all right. Everything worked out for the best.”
“Did it?” Alaina asked, looking uncertain. “I want a child so badly. I don’t know how you reached that point where you could—” She colored suddenly. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I’m not judging you.”
“You couldn’t possibly judge me more harshly than I do myself sometimes.” Maggie felt a sudden, tight thickness at the back of her throat. Talking about children—particularly the fact that she didn’t have any—always made things difficult. Maybe it was time to change the subject. She touched Alaina’s cheek. “Are you and Gil still trying for a baby?” she asked quickly, hoping that her sister wouldn’t notice anything wrong with her voice.
“Not so much anymore. We’ve done everything the doctors say. But after nine years, you start to think…”
“Maybe you need to spice things up a bit. I hear the Internet has all kinds of Web sites where you can buy—”
“Mag!”
“Oh, good grief. How can sex make you blush after nine years of marriage?”
“There are some things that are just too personal to discuss.”
Maggie waved that away. If she was really going to try to strengthen her relationship with Alaina, she might as well start now. “Between sisters? Nonsense. Ask me anything. I guarantee I’m long past the blushing stage, and very few things make me uncomfortable anymore.”
Alaina gave her a searching look. “Do you ever think about your baby?”
Maggie blinked rapidly. She could not hold Alaina’s gaze, not even for a second. Something inside her just couldn’t manage it.
She had the quick vision of her daughter’s face as the clinic’s midwife had placed the baby in her arms. All red and unhappy and helpless as she wailed. And then gone, so suddenly. It had only been a moment. How could she explain to Alaina that such a tiny fragment of time still made her brain and her heart burn like brimstone?
“Every day of my life,” Maggie said carefully. “I’ve second-guessed that decision from the moment I made it and wondered what my life would be like if I hadn’t. What she might look like now, as a little girl.”
The silence between them thickened, then Maggie straightened her spine, determined to be brisk. “But it’s easier to find solutions when your stomach is full and you aren’t sleeping in your car. When I showed up on Zack’s doorstep, I honestly didn’t know how I could manage with a baby. They need so much.” She grimaced. “So I just made the best choice for her that I could. At least what I thought would be best.”
“You should have gone to Will,” Alaina said softly. “I always liked him. I think he would have helped you.”
Maggie stepped away abruptly, returning to her suitcase. “Really, Al. You’re too romantic to be believed. Will told me flat out that he hoped he’d never see me again. That the danger I exposed Lisa to was unforgivable. Do you honestly think he would have been thrilled by the idea of having a baby with a woman he despised? First he would have accused me of getting pregnant on purpose—which I didn’t—”
“You were always so careless about keeping track—”
Maggie made a face at her, more comfortable to return to this testy camaraderie. “You don’t have to point that out. I know. But I’m much better about it now, I assure you.”
“Sorry.”
“And then he would have been furious. Forced to share custody for the rest of his life with someone he hates? Never able to file me away in some compartment of his tidy little mind labeled Finished Business? Trust me, that definitely wasn’t an option back then.”
“I suppose we’ll never know,” Alaina said. “Isn’t it funny how both of us, in our own way, always give in to fear?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m always afraid of doing something that will disappoint someone. Mom and Dad. Gil. And you’re frightened that people will think you can’t manage your own life. That somehow they’ll think you’re weak. Too much pride, Maggie.”
She didn’t want to talk about this. She let Alaina take the blouse from her hands and slip it onto a padded hanger. Then she kicked off the heels she’d worn for the meeting with Teddy and began massaging one instep.
“What do you want to do about dinner?” she asked. “I feel like steak. Should I make a reservation for three at Maldanado’s? Or is Gil still boycotting red meat?”
Alaina emerged from the closet, then headed for the door. “Gil’s in Boston this week. He’s giving a couple of speeches at a pediatricians’ conference.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t go with him,” Maggie said with a frown. “You love Boston.”
Alaina shrugged. “Not this time. Now I’m going to fix us some lunch.”
“Al…”
Alaina turned back.
“Why haven’t you asked me about Zack? I’ve mentioned him twice now. Don’t you want to know how he is?”
Her sister didn’t miss a beat. “Okay. How is he?”
“He’s great. Still the best friend a girl could ever have. And he’s really my right arm when it comes to the business. I’m afraid I’m going to lose him next year.”
“Lose him?” Alaina’s brows rose. “Why?”
“He keeps talking about opening up his own shop. Nothing to do with aquariums, so I don’t have to worry about competition. But his cabinetry work is so remarkable. I’m sure his talent has had a lot to do with the success of Sapphire Seas.” She gave Alaina a curious glance. “Don’t you want to know if he ever talks about you?”
Alaina bit her lower lip, and Maggie wondered if that was the only way she could keep it from trembling. Then she tilted her head back a little, all trace of discomfort gone. “No,” she claimed succinctly. “Why would I? What we were in high school…what might have been…what difference does all that make now?”
Maggie grimaced. “Mom and Dad really did a number on both of us, didn’t they? Trying to convince me that you could raise my child, until I just got fed up and ran away. Brainwashing you into thinking that Zack wasn’t good enough. That you weren’t head over heels in love with him.”
“Maybe I wasn’t.” She sighed a little. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter now. Eventually you have to leave behind all that foolishness.”
“So you can become exactly who you’re supposed to be,” Maggie said, reciting Alaina’s earlier words.
“That’s right,” Alaina replied.