Their Mistletoe Baby. Karin Baine
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his attention was totally focused on Freya as she made her way through the cabin. That bright smile shone for everyone she spoke to and he held his breath, waiting for his turn; to feel her warmth upon him once again. Of course, it didn’t happen. When she reached him the light dimmed in her eyes and the smile faltered.
‘You’re looking well, Freya.’ It was the best he could come up with to fill the awkwardness of the moment but he meant every word of it. The passing of time hadn’t diminished her beauty, or the effect it had on him. He still felt like the luckiest man in the world that she’d ever agreed to be his wife, and the stupidest for letting her go.
She turned to move on without saying a word but it had been so long since they’d been this close he couldn’t help himself trying to prolong the moment.
‘You’ve cut your hair.’ The short, messy bob suited her fine features but he’d always loved her long chestnut-brown hair.
‘I needed a change,’ she said flatly, suggesting again there’d been more than physical alterations occurring in his absence.
His stomach rolled at the thought he’d been the cause of that sudden edginess to her when she’d always been such a bubbly, loving individual and his actions had hardened her heart the way his father’s self-destructive behaviour had his. He knew what a long, painful process it was to get over that kind of damage and what it cost along the way. Not something he would ever have wished for Freya to go through, and exactly the reason he’d walked away in the first place.
‘I am sorry. For everything.’ Characteristically, he’d remained in denial until crisis point, when he’d been forced to witness the emotional effects of the damage he’d caused first-hand. While he had no desire to embarrass her in front of anyone here, it would be remiss of him not to acknowledge the wrong he’d done her, and if she chose not to speak to him after this flight at least he would know he’d made the apology and meant it.
‘Perhaps you’d give us a song, Doctor? I’m sure the children would love it.’ There was that smile again but there was no trace of friendliness in the way she’d bunched up the leftover song sheets in her fist. She was rejecting the apology as obviously as she could without drawing attention from the others because she would know taking part was the last thing he’d want to do.
Their marriage might’ve been short-lived but they’d been together long enough for Freya to know that this Christmas merriment was out of Lucas’s comfort zone. Her enthusiasm for the season had been difficult to live with when he’d hated everything about it. The over-the-top glitter and expense was always a reminder of the childhood he’d been denied and the only reason he’d agreed to step in before he knew Freya was involved had been to ensure these kids had the happy memories he didn’t.
‘I...er...have a lot of paperwork to catch up on.’ It wasn’t a complete lie. As the emergency replacement for the usual medical coordinator, he’d been handed the itinerary at the last minute. Although he’d done his best to get acquainted with the case notes of the children who’d be under his care so there wasn’t any room for error and he was fully prepared for any eventuality. Not that anything could’ve prepared him for this tense exchange but he deserved every bit of the hard time she was giving him.
‘Well, don’t let me take up any more of your time.’ She made a move to leave but there was such resignation in her tone he didn’t want her to think he’d ever dismissed her, or everything they’d ever had, as easily as it may have seemed.
He reached out to touch her arm but she flinched away from him again as though he’d given her an electric shock. A reminder of those early days when they’d been avoiding their growing attraction in the workplace, where every brush against each other had held so much meaning. The most obvious difference now was that she wasn’t looking at him with undisguised desire, more like murderous intent.
‘Don’t be like this, Freya. I really am sorry...’ If he’d been in her shoes he knew he’d probably never be able to forgive him either, but how could they ever resolve matters if she refused to be anywhere near him? Expecting a truce here was a big ask but eventually she might accept he was trying to make the best out of a bad situation. Perhaps a divorce would get that anger at him out of her system once and for all.
‘If you’ll excuse me, we have a very busy schedule ahead of us today and I wouldn’t want to let people down.’ Freya cut off his attempt to apologise again and put some distance between them, leaving the scent of cinnamon and peppermint lingering in her wake. She launched into the first rendition of an old Christmas classic, encouraging everyone else to join in and handing out percussion instruments to the youngest members of the party.
To everyone else sitting on this plane Freya was the life and soul of the party, bringing festive cheer to those who needed it most, but Lucas could see the brave face she was trying to put on. She refused to make eye contact with him again for the duration of the fun and games on board to pass the time for the children and he knew that determination not to let them down was because she’d been there. She’d been on the receiving end of bitter disappointment and broken dreams and it was all down to him.
His journey to recovery had come at Freya’s expense and he couldn’t fully move on from the past when it wasn’t only his father who’d left a legacy of unhappiness behind. Unlike the man who’d made his life hell, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t try to fix things. Although he hadn’t been able to provide Freya with the husband and family she needed or deserved, there was one thing he could give her that might go some way to making up for his behaviour. An explanation.
It wasn’t going to be easy to open up about the demons that had driven him away or to get her to speak to him long enough to do so, but he owed it to her to try. Perhaps this visit to Father Christmas could give them both the gift they needed most—peace of mind.
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