Hawk's Way Grooms. Joan Johnston
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her to her feet.
She shoved his hand out of the way. “I’m not a cripple, either, Mac,” she said. “I can manage on my own.”
“Damn it, Jewel! What do you want from me?”
“Honesty,” she said, rising and standing toe to toe with him, her eyes focused on his. “You never used to lie to me, Mac. Or to yourself.”
“What is it you want to hear me say? I won’t quit playing football! It’s all I ever wanted to do.”
“You wanted to be a paleontologist.”
“That’s what I said. But inside—” he thumped his bare chest with his fist “—all I ever dreamed about, all I ever wanted to do was run like the wind and catch footballs. It was just so impossible for so long, I never let myself hope for it too much. But I made it happen. And I’m not going to give it up!”
Jewel felt her heart skip a beat. She hadn’t known. She hadn’t realized. If what Mac said was true, then he was facing a much greater crisis than she had imagined.
“Avoiding reality isn’t going to make it go away, Mac,” she said gently. “You have to face your demons.”
“Like you have?” Mac retorted.
Jewel’s face blanched. She turned her back on him and headed up the trail toward the mouth of the canyon.
“Jewel, wait,” Mac said as he hurried after her. He grabbed her arm to stop her. “If you’re going to insist on honesty from me, how about a little from you?”
“What is it you want to know? You know everything,” she said bitterly. “You’re the only one who does!”
He gave her an incredulous look. “You never told anyone else? What about your fiancé?”
She shook her head violently.
“Why the hell not?”
“I couldn’t tell Jerry. I just couldn’t!”
In days gone by he would have put an arm around her to offer her comfort. But things had changed somehow in the two weeks since they had met again. His eyes offered emotional support, instead. “God, Jewel. That’s a heavy burden to be carrying around all by yourself.”
“I’m managing all right.”
“What happened to Jerry What’s-his-name? Why did you call off the wedding?”
“I couldn’t…I wasn’t able…I could never…”
She saw the dawning comprehension in his eyes. “I don’t want or need your pity!” She tried to run from him in awkward, hobbling strides, but he quickly caught up to her and pulled her into his arms.
“Don’t run away,” he said, his arms closing tightly around her. “It doesn’t matter, Jewel. It’ll get better with time.”
She made a keening sound in her throat. “It’s been six years. I can’t forget what happened, Mac. I can’t get it out of my head. Jerry was so patient, but when he tried to make love to me, I couldn’t let him do it. I couldn’t!” Her throat ached. A hot tear spilled onto her cheek and a sob broke free.
She grasped Mac tight around the waist and pressed her face against his bare chest, sobbing as she never had on the day she had been attacked or at any time since then. She had been too numb with shock to cry six years ago. And she had been too full of guilt when she broke up with Jerry to allow herself the release of tears.
“Shh. Shh,” Mac crooned as he rocked her in his arms. “It’s all right. It doesn’t matter. Everything will be all right.”
She felt his lips against her hair, soothing, comforting, and then his hands on either side of her face as he raised it to kiss her tear-wet eyelids. He kissed her nose and her cheeks and finally her mouth. His lips were firm, yet gentle, against her own. She yielded to the insistent pressure of his mouth, her lips soft and damp beneath his. He kissed her again, his lips brushing across hers and sending a surprising frisson of desire skittering down her spine. Oh, Mac…
She pressed her lips back against his and heard a sharp intake of breath. She froze, then stepped back and stared up at him in confusion.
He opened his mouth to speak and shut it again, obviously upset and looking for a way to explain what had happened between them. She wondered if he had felt it, too, the wondrous stirring inside, the need to merge into one another. What if he did? Oh, God. It would ruin everything. She couldn’t…and he would never…She took another step back from him.
“Wait, Jewel. Don’t go,” he said, reaching out a hand to her. “We have to talk about this.”
“What is there to say?”
He took a step closer, and it took all her willpower not to run from him. She felt an equally driving need to press herself against him, which she resisted just as fiercely.
“I don’t want what just happened to spoil things between us,” he said, his voice anguished. “I could see you needed comfort, and I…I got a little carried away.”
“All right, Mac. If that’s the way you want it.” She would ruin everything if she pressed for more. He obviously wanted things to stay the same between them. He wanted them to be friends. That was probably for the best. What if she tried loving him and failed, as she had with Jerry? She would lose everything. She couldn’t bear that.
“What’s wrong, Jewel?”
She mentally and physically squared her shoulders. “I shouldn’t have fallen apart like that. I’ve spent a lot of time in counseling putting what happened six years ago behind me.”
“Have you?”
“I’m as over it as I’m ever going to get,” she conceded with a rueful twist of her mouth. “It doesn’t matter, Mac, really. I have the kids at camp. I have friends. I have a full life.”
“Without a man in it,” he said flatly. “Or children.”
She arched a brow. “Who says a woman needs a man in her life? And there are lots of children at Camp LittleHawk who need me.”
He held up his hands in surrender. “You win. I’m not going to argue the point.”
Jewel released a breath that became a sigh, glad the subject was closed. “We’d better get back to the house.”
He looked as though he wanted to continue the discussion, but she knew that wouldn’t help the situation. She decided levity was what was needed. “I hope you saved some energy, because I know for a fact Colt will be waiting for you when you get back to the house.”
Mac groaned. “I forgot. He’s going to throw me some passes.”
“I can always send him away.”
“I suppose I can catch a few passes and keep him happy.”
“And keep who happy?”
Mac grinned. “So I’m looking forward to it. Think what that’ll mean to you.”
She gave him a quizzical look. If Mac was up to catching passes, it meant he was getting well. If he was getting well, it meant he would be leaving soon. She wanted to hear him say it. Maybe then she could stop fantasizing about him. “What will it mean to me?” she asked.
Twin dimples appeared in his cheeks. “You get the shower first.”
Jewel laughed. It beat the heck out of crying.
CHAPTER FIVE
IF THERE WAS ONE THING COLT WHITELAW wanted more than he wanted to fly jets someday, it was to have Jennifer Wright look at him the way she looked at his best friend, Huckleberry Duncan. Jenny didn’t even care that Huck had a stupid name. When Huck was around, Jenny wouldn’t have noticed if Colt dropped dead at her feet. She only had eyes for Huck.