Why Not Tonight. Susan Mallery
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they didn’t want me tagging along. Whenever I convinced them to play with me, it was sports and they always beat me. I got tired of being humiliated. My mom was the one who came up with the idea of paper airplanes. I was already doing origami, so it was an easy transition.”
She grinned at the memory. “They were woefully unprepared to be beaten by a girl and they didn’t take it well. After about a dozen rematches, they stopped trying to beat me and I was still shut out.”
“That must have hurt.”
“It did, but then a couple of girls moved in, so I cared less. Plus anytime the boys tried to tease me, I reminded them they’d been beaten by a girl and they wilted.”
“You’re scrappy.”
“I try.”
He stirred the cocoa into the pan. The smell of chocolate filled the kitchen and her mouth began to water.
“I’m drinking up your supply,” she said. “I should order you more.” Although she had no idea how much it would cost to buy a tin of cocoa from the former East Berlin. There went her meat budget for the month.
“I already have.” He poured the mixture into mugs, then handed her one. “It’s nicer when it’s shared.”
“Thank you.”
She looked up and saw he was watching her. For a second, their gazes tangled and refused to separate. She found herself leaning toward him, as if... As if...
He turned away and put down the pan, then passed her the bag of marshmallows. She took two and dropped them into her cocoa all the while telling herself not to be silly. Whatever she was feeling was obviously one-sided. Ronan wouldn’t be interested in her that way. He was worldly and famous and rich. She was just a girl who couldn’t find someone to love her and who tore up bits of paper and called it art. He was the real artist. Speaking of which...
“How did work go today?” she asked.
The energy in the room changed immediately. Ronan’s face tightened. She had a feeling that if he hadn’t already been sitting next to her at the island, he would have turned and walked out. She wondered if he still would.
For more than a minute, there was silence. Natalie told herself to keep quiet, to let him talk, but in the end, she couldn’t help blurting, “Do you know why you’re not working?”
He looked from his drink to her and back. “I take it you have a theory.”
“I do. Several, in fact, but the one I like the best is that you can’t work because you’ve closed your heart to your family. You’re like Elsa in the movie Frozen. You have to believe in love again.”
He turned toward her, his expression disbelieving. “Like Elsa?”
“In Frozen, yes. Have you seen it?”
“I know the song.”
She smiled. “Isn’t it great? And I love the movie. You should watch it sometime. You’ll see what I mean. If you would just...”
She paused, not sure what he should just do. It occurred to her, perhaps a tad late, that there were things about his life she didn’t know.
“Not that I’m an expert,” she added quietly.
“What do you know about my past?” he asked. “About my family?”
He didn’t seem to be challenging her. Rather he wanted to know how much she’d overheard, been told and figured out on her own.
“I know what your dad did. That he had an affair years ago and you’re the result. I know you thought you and Mathias were fraternal twins and then you found out you weren’t. I know he didn’t tell anyone that you knew, so the two of you had to deal with it by yourself.”
“That sums it up,” he told her, cupping his mug in both hands and watching the marshmallows melt. “My father is a difficult man. He’s gifted, cruel and selfish. Everything is about him. No one else matters. Not us, not his wife, Elaine—just him.”
He glanced at her. “As you said, I’m the result. I was born a few weeks after Mathias. For reasons I can’t explain or understand, when my birth mother gave me up, Elaine agreed to raise me as her own son. They told everyone Mathias and I were fraternal twins. That’s how we were raised and what we believed. Elaine never hinted otherwise.”
He kept saying Elaine. “You mean your mom.”
His gaze hardened. “She’s not my mother. She’s the woman who raised me.”
As far as Natalie was concerned, that was the same thing. “Okay,” she said slowly. “So your dad dumped this on you and then you had to deal on your own.” She hated to speak ill of someone she’d met for five seconds a year ago, but the man sounded like a butthead. Yes, he’d thought he was dying from a heart attack when he’d blurted out the truth, but what about after? Why hadn’t he gone back to his sons and explained things better? It made her furious to think about.
“I’m sorry it happened, but I’m glad you and Mathias moved here,” she said.
“I moved here. Mathias decided to come with me. I thought being somewhere else would help and it did for a while. Now, I don’t know.” He angled toward her.
“Everything is different. I’m not who I thought. I don’t know where I come from. Ceallach is so much worse than you’re imagining. I always thought I had Elaine to offset that. She’s misguided in her devotion to my father, but otherwise a decent person. Now there’s nothing in me but him.”
“You’ve never met your birth mother?”
“No.”
“Don’t you want to?”
“No. She dumped me and ran. I don’t need to meet her to know what she’s like.”
Natalie touched his arm. “Don’t say that. She was young and scared. You need to find out who she is and why she did what she did. That could change everything.”
“I know enough.”
“You’re stubborn. Just like Elsa.”
One corner of his mouth twitched. “You’re not going to let me wallow in this, are you?”
“I’m not going to stop you. I enjoy a good wallow as much as the next person. I’d just like to point out that, so far, it hasn’t helped very much. You should talk to someone.”
He drew back. “Like who?”
“You know, to a therapist. Someone who could give you perspective and help you brainstorm ways to handle this. You’re too brilliant not to be working. I’m guessing you don’t really need the money, but that’s not what’s important. Creating is who you are. Without that, I’m not sure you can be happy. I know I couldn’t be and I’m nowhere near as talented. You need to learn to open your heart, Ronan. Or you’re going to be trapped in your emotional ice kingdom forever.”
He groaned. “That’s another Frozen reference, isn’t it?”
She smiled. “Admit it. You find me totally charming.”
Figuring she’d pushed her luck about as far as she could, she lightly kissed his cheek, then rose and reached for her mug.
“Night, Ronan.”
He watched her go without speaking. When she reached the doorway, she turned back and he was still looking at her. For a second she hoped he would come after her, take her in his arms and give her a hearty kissing. Or maybe more. Instead he didn’t say anything and she was left with the uncomfortable sensation of wanting someone who probably didn’t see her that way at all.
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