Tears of the Renegade. Linda Howard
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toys that interested him intensely for a short while before they were discarded in favor of a new and more intriguing amusement. Could she really let herself become one of his toys? She’d known real love with Vance, a love that had endowed their physical union with a deep and satisfying richness. Having known that, how could she settle for anything less?
Her mind, her heart, the very core of her being—all said no. Her body, however, lying warm and quivering, yearning for the touch of his strong, lean hands, rebelled against the commonsense strictures of her mind. She was learning now how primitive and powerful desire could be, how disobedient the flesh could be to the demands of conscience. Her soft, feminine body had instinctively recognized the touch of a master, a man who knew far too many ways to bring pleasure to her.
She lay awake for several long, tormented hours, but at last her quietly indomitable will won out over her fevered, longing body. She was not now, never had been, and never would be, the type to indulge in a shallow affair, no matter how physically attractive a man was. If he wanted her company for something other than sex, then she would be happy to be his friend, but the thought of sex without love was abhorrent to her. Making love with Vance had been spiritual and emotional, as well as physical, and her knowledge of the heights had left her dissatisfied with the lower peaks that could be scaled without love.
Not once, during the dark hours, did she have any doubts about the nature of the relationship that Cord wanted with her. He’d told her bluntly that he wanted to make love to her; she sensed that he was always that honest about his desires. His honesty wasn’t the courageous openness of honor, but merely his lack of concern over what anyone else thought or had to say about him. He was already an outlaw; why worry about ruining his reputation further?
If only the forbidden weren’t always so enticing! Her mind darted and leaped around his image, held so clearly in her memory. He was wickedly attractive; even talking to him gave her the sense of playing with fire. She had to admit that Cord had certainly captured her imagination, but it was nothing more than that, surely, except for his obvious physical charm. The ways of the wicked have always held a fascination for those who walk the bright and narrow path of morality.
But that bright and narrow path was where she belonged, where life had placed her, where she was happy. The shadows where Cord Blackstone stood weren’t for her, no matter how intriguing the weary knowledge in his crystalline eyes.
She slept little, but woke feeling calm and rested. Her inner surety of self often masked such physical weaknesses as tiredness or minor illness; her features might be pale, but there was always a certain calmness that overlay any signs of strain. It was Sunday, so she dressed and drove her eight-year-old blue Audi over to Blackstone House to attend church with Imogene and Preston, as she had always done. To her relief, Preston didn’t mention that Cord had been at the party the night before; he was too interested in relating to Imogene the details of William Gage’s infant political career. Susan commented little, entering the conversation only when she was addressed directly. She sat quietly through the church service, accepted Imogene’s invitation to lunch, and maintained her mood of strong reserve all through the meal. Her in-laws didn’t try to draw her out of her relative quiet; they had learned to accept her occasional silences as they accepted her smiles. Susan didn’t run to a comforting shoulder to unburden herself whenever something troubled her; they might never know what made her deep blue eyes so pensive, and they didn’t ask.
They had just finished lunch and were moving into the den when Mrs. Robbins, the housekeeper, appeared with a visitor at her elbow. “Someone to see you, ma’am,” she told Imogene, and went about her business. Mrs. Robbins had been with the Blackstones for five years, but she had evidently not heard the rumors and wild tales that had circulated about Cord Blackstone, because there hadn’t been a flicker of recognition in the woman’s features as she admitted him.
Susan’s eyes swept over his face, and she surprised a look of irritation that drew his level brows together in a brief frown when he saw her. Then the frown was gone, and he crossed the room with his easy grace to kiss Imogene, bending down to touch his lips to her cool, ageless cheek. Once again that astonishing color pinkened Imogene’s face, though her voice was as controlled as always when she spoke. “Hello, Cord. We’ve just finished lunch, or I’d invite you to eat with us. Would you like something to drink?”
“Thank you. Whiskey, neat.” His mobile lips quirked at the iron-clad Southern manners that demanded she offer him food and drink, even when he knew that she despised him. Watching him, Susan surprised herself by reading exactly the thoughts that were only hinted at in his expression. She would have thought that Cord would be more difficult to read.
He chose one of the big, brown leather armchairs, and accepted the short, wide glass of amber liquid that Imogene extended to him, murmuring his thanks in a low voice. Totally at ease, he stretched his long legs out before him and sipped the whiskey.
The room was totally silent, except for the rhythmic ticking of the antique clock perched on the massive oak mantel. Cord seemed to be the only one who was comfortable with the silence. Preston was becoming increasingly red in the face, and Imogene fidgeted with her skirt before she caught herself and commanded her hands to lie calmly in her lap. Susan didn’t fidget, but she felt as if her heart were going to bruise itself against the cage of her ribs. How could he have this effect on her by simply walking into the room? It was insane!
He was dressed with fine disregard for the capricious March weather, wearing only impeccable black slacks, creased to a razor’s edge, and a thin blue silk shirt through which she could see his darkly tanned flesh and the curling black hair on his chest. Her eyes drank in the details of him, even as she tried not to look at him. For the first time, she noticed the small gold band that he wore on the little finger of his right hand, and she wondered if it was a woman’s wedding band. The thought jolted her. What woman had been so important to him that he would wear her ring?
Behind her, Preston had evidently reached the end of his patience. “Did you have a reason for coming here?” he asked bluntly.
A level brow rose in mocking query. “Do you have a reason for being so suspicious?”
Preston didn’t even notice the way his words had been turned back on him, but Susan did, and she lifted her head just a fraction of an inch, only a small movement, but one that signaled to people who knew her well that she wasn’t pleased. Preston and Imogene knew, and Preston gave her a look that was abruptly apologetic. He had opened his mouth to apologize aloud, a concession that Susan knew didn’t come easily to him, when Cord cut smoothly across him.
“Of course I have a reason for coming, and I’m glad that you’re smart enough to know that you aren’t going to like hearing it. I wouldn’t enjoy knowing that I have an idiot for a cousin.”
Cord was being deliberately argumentative, Susan realized, and her eyes narrowed just a tiny bit as she stared at him, but she didn’t say anything.
Again silence reigned, as Preston and Imogene seemed to stiffen, waiting. After a moment’s surprise, Susan realized that both of them seemed to know what Cord was getting at, and she looked from her in-laws back to Cord’s faintly amused expression. He let the quietness draw itself out until the room fairly reverberated with tension; then he negligently crossed one booted foot over the other.
With an air of idle musing, he said, “I know you’ve probably thought that I’ve spent the past few years bumming around the world, but I’ve been gainfully employed most of the time since I left Mississippi. I work for an oil company, as a sort of troubleshooter.” His pale eyes gleamed with amusement as he watched the parade of astonishment marching across the features of his cousin and aunt. He didn’t look at Susan at all.
“I…smooth things out for them,” he continued silkily. “I don’t have a title; I have contacts, and methods. I’m surprisingly good at my job, because I don’t take no for an answer.”
Imogene was the first to recover, and she favored Cord with a polite smile. “I appreciate that you’re very well suited for your job, but why are you telling us about it?”
“I just wanted you to understand my position. Look at it as