The Last Kids on Earth and the Cosmic Beyond. Max Brallier
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he’s worked so hard on. He doesn’t worry about the imminent death.
So I have to worry about it for him. I grip his sweater and –
Overboard was the right decision.
There’s a gulp – and the great beast’s belly rumbles. The sled has been swallowed. Two seconds later and he would’ve swallowed us, too.
A monstrous roar cuts through the air.
‘C’mon!’ June shouts. She yanks me to my feet. Dirk pulls Quint from the snow, and we race out onto a wide street.
Snow whips through the air, like I’m inside a snow globe. It’s like when you have to get up in the middle of the night to pee but you can’t see anything. Only then, the worst-case scenario is you fall into an open toilet. Here the worst-case scenario is – y’know – death by monster.
Our bodies bounce. The snow-cracking CRUNCHES are deafening. The monster’s coming after us, but I only see its huge stomping legs.
‘Guys! We need to get to cover!’ I shout.
I’m using my Louisville Slicer like a cane, staggering forward while poking around. And that is not what the Louisville Slicer is for. It’s for battling monsters! It’s my ultimate weapon. I slayed Blarg with the Louisville Slicer! I battled Thrull with it! I sliced the lassos that held the King Wretch with it!
BLARG:
Big, brutal beast.
THRULL:
Man-monster! Undercover traitor monster!
KING WRETCH:
This dude gave me weird dream-visions and then his chest opened so Rezzoch could talk to me and, yeah, it was nuts.
THE LOUISVILLE SLICER:
My radical weapon.
It did damage to all these bad dudes.
I mean, that bat is basically my lightsaber!
CRUNCH!
The monster stomps grow louder. Up ahead, I see an opening – like the mouth of a cave . . . What the – where are we? I thought we were in the suburbs, but now we’ve stumbled upon some sort of cave situation?
‘Whoa, whoa,’ Dirk says. ‘Could be frost giants. Frost giants live in caves – learned that from Conan the Barbarian.’
June sighs. ‘Dudes, really? It’s not a cave! It’s the car wash!’
Another CRUNCH!
‘In we go!’ I say, and we race into the car wash tunnel.
Even inside, the cold is crippling. Quint’s teeth are chattering. We really need to upgrade our winter outfits – if we don’t, hypothermia might take us down before a monster –
RAWRRR!
The monster’s howl slices through the car wash, bouncing off the walls. ‘The big guy found us!’ June cries. It’s at the entrance.
The beast’s hot breath warms the air, turning the car wash tunnel into a humid haze.
Through the mist, I see the monster: a giant, one-armed beast with a single fistacular paw. One massive . . .
-MEATHOOK!-
This monster – Meathook – bends down. It peers into the car wash tunnel.
And that’s when I see there’s something on top of the beast. A figure wearing a dark cloak that snaps in the wind.
I gulp.
We carefully inch forward, peeking out around the tunnel’s corner. We watch the figure’s arm raise and clasp the cloak.
A hood is pulled back.
And then –
‘Whoa!’ I exclaim.
‘Oh my,’ Quint says.
June stammers, ‘It’s – it’s – it’s a person. A human!’
This is monumentally unexpected. This woman atop the monster is the first other human we’ve seen. Until we heard that radio broadcast, we didn’t even know other humans still existed!
June grabs my sleeve and twists it tight. Her eyes are high-beam wide.
‘Hold up, hold up!’ I say. ‘This human’s intentions may not be great. She is, y’know, riding a giant fanged beast!
June shakes her head. ‘You ride Rover! He’s a giant fanged beast!’
‘Maybe technically he’s a beast – but really he’s just a big fluffy monster-dog!’ I say. ‘This monster here looks like something out of a demon’s nightmare! Plus, it ate Quint’s sled!’
Quint is jittery beside me. I can almost hear the wheels in his brain spinning away with curiosity and excitement – clink, clink, clink.
And like that, he goes to make contact . . .
From the tunnel, we watch the human eye Quint. Then the monster tilts its head. Then –
HARRRUGH!
The monster raises its fist, and I can see what’s coming – Pancake Quint. ‘Crud!’ I scream as I race out to grab my friend.
‘I miscalculated!’ Quint cries out. ‘That human is a villainess!’
‘No kidding!’ I yell, pulling him across the snow. ‘And that monster’s a meathook!’
Meathook’s fist comes slamming down, snow erupting, throwing us back into the car wash.
The monster’s fist opens and it reaches into the tunnel. It swipes and thrashes. Luckily, the arm is not long enough to reach us.
And he’s not pleased about it.
But then –
Footsteps outside. Human footsteps. Suddenly –
POP! SIZZLE! An electrical hum. Harsh fluorescent overhead lights flash on.
‘THE