Stars and Stripes

      Every Fourth of July, Stanley Lambchop dreamed of being in the local Independence Day parade – that is, until the year that his bulletin board fell on him in the middle of the night and flattened him.

      ‘Can’t I be Abraham Lincoln?’ Stanley pleaded. Moments before the parade was about to begin, he found himself sitting in the centre of the Grammar Society float, with his legs rolled up tightly to his chest.

      ‘I cannot tell a lie,’ intoned his father, George Lambchop. He towered over Stanley majestically in a white wig and ponytail. ‘I think you look patriotic.’

      ‘Oh, George,’ blushed Stanley’s mother, Harriet Lambchop, who was wearing an old-fashioned blue gown and a ribbon in her hair. ‘You are such a good father . . . of our country. George Washington!’

      Stanley’s father winked. ‘No, Betsy Ross. It is you who deserves our gratitude for giving birth to such a fine flag.’ He gestured grandly down towards Stanley, and Mrs Lambchop curtsied with a giggle.

      ‘How many times do I have to tell you,’ interrupted Stanley, ‘I don’t want to be the –’

      His younger brother, Arthur, appeared from the other side of the float. Arthur had stretched a pale bathing cap over his head and had fringed it with strands from an old grey mop. ‘It’s not too late to be my kite, Stanley!’ He peered down at Stanley from over his tiny spectacles and patted his huge belly, which was actually a pillow stuffed under his shirt.

      ‘I beg your pardon, Mr Benjamin Franklin,’ their father said, shaking his head gravely. ‘I cannot allow your brother to be struck by lightning.’

      ‘Aw,’ said Arthur. ‘Even if it means discovering electricity?’

      Suddenly, a nearby brass band launched into a bouncy rendition of ‘America the Beautiful’. The float lurched forwards.

      ‘The parade is starting!’ Stanley’s mother squealed. She picked up a wooden pole and poked it at Stanley. ‘Stanley, get up! You have to wave!’

      ‘Can’t I just wave with my hands,’ Stanley said, ‘like everyone else?’

      ‘No!’ his family shouted.

      Stanley let out a sigh, grabbed on to the top of the pole, and slowly unfurled his body.

      His mother had spent days sewing his costume. Thirteen red and white stripes ran down to his toes, while a square of blue with white stars covered half of his chest. He began swishing back and forth, as if he were fluttering in the breeze.

      ‘Check out the Stars and Stripes!’ yelled someone.

      ‘Hey, flag boy!’ someone yelled. ‘Smile!’

      A local television crew ran up and hopped alongside the float. Everywhere Stanley looked, people were pointing their fingers at him.

      Being flat had given Stanley the opportunity to do things most people never dreamed of. He had travelled around the world by airmail. He could slide under doors, slip between bars, and fold himself into origami ninja throwing stars. He had served as a cape used by the great matador Carmen del Junco in Mexico and performed with the acrobatic twins known as the Flying Chinese Wonders in Beijing.