Sex For Dummies. Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer
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though it’s not without any dangers. You need some sexual tension in your life, especially if you’re very busy, in order to motivate yourself to go out and find a partner. If you use up all of your sexual energy masturbating, especially if you do it so often that you have little or no time for any type of social life, then masturbation can wind up being a trap that can be hard to get out of. But if you’re in need of relief, then turning to masturbation can be a life-saver. I talk more about masturbation in Chapter 16.
Playing It Safe
If you’ve read this far, it should be pretty clear to you that engaging in sexual intercourse with someone of the opposite sex could lead to an unintended pregnancy. You can avoid that occurrence, but you have to be prepared. Knowing about condoms and birth control pills won’t help you if you’re in the heat of passion with someone else, especially if you’re both partially or fully undressed. Contraception isn’t difficult but it takes some planning. The most reliable methods of preventing pregnancy require a visit to a doctor or clinic. Others necessitate at least a trip to the drugstore. All of this has to happen before you’re anywhere near ready to have sex.
Deciding which contraceptive to use takes some thinking. And these days, because of sexually transmitted diseases, you may choose to use more than one, because not every birth control method protects against STIs or STDs. If you have no desire to cause a pregnancy, please read Chapter 7 carefully so that you’ll be prepared when the time comes to have sex. (And if you’re worried about STDs, please read Chapter 21 as well.)
Adjusting Over Time
We use the word sex to describe what two people do when aroused over their entire lifetime, but that doesn’t mean that sex remains constant. Young people, whose hormones are just kicking in, will feel the effect more intensely than older people. This lessening of sexual energy isn’t just because an older person has had sex thousands of more times than a young person, but also because of physical changes that everyone undergoes. But the more you know about those changes, the better you’ll be able to handle them so that your sex life can continue unabated until you reach 99. If you’re young and just starting your sexual journey, Chapter 8 is a good roadmap for what’s ahead. And if you’re at an age when you’re starting to hit some speed bumps on the journey, Chapters 19, 22, and 23 will help smooth out the ride.
Of course, your sex life can receive a negative impact in ways other than the normal aging process. The longer we live, the greater the odds that fate will throw us a curve or two. The onset of one disease or another can change the way you have sex. But again, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your sex life is over, only that some adjustments will be needed. Want to know what those adjustments are? Turn to Chapter 20.
Most young people find it hard to believe that their parents still have sex, no less their grandparents, but it’s true. Our looks may change, even our desires, but sex is an integral part of our humanity, and it remains so throughout our lives.
Are You Ready to Get Busy?
In a classic episode of Seinfeld, Elaine had a limited supply of the contraceptive sponge (the method of contraception she preferred but the production of which had stopped) and therefore had to decide whether or not a potential partner was “sponge worthy,” that is to say worthy of using one of her precious sponges to have sex with him. So how do you decide whether someone you’re considering having sex with is worthy of doing the deed with you? Here are some possible questions you may ask yourself. There are no right or wrong answers here, but if the overall tone of your answers skews toward the negative, then my advice is not to hop into bed with this person, at least not until you get to know this person a bit better.
What parts of me does this person activate? My head? My heart? My loins? Two out of three? One out of three?
Will I want to keep the lights off, so this person doesn’t see the parts of me I don’t like, or on, so I can see all of this other person?
I could use a shower. Will this person care? After getting undressed, will I care?
Where do I see us as a couple one month from now? Six months from now? Ten years from now?
If neither one of us has an orgasm, will I ever want to see this person again?
What will I think about myself in the morning?
Chapter 2
Tuning the Male Organ
IN THIS CHAPTER
For a man, the penis is the star of the show in the bedroom (or in the living room, on the kitchen floor, or even in the aisles, as long as the theater is empty!). But as with any star, what you see on-screen is only the final performance. Lots of other factors go into preparing for each scene. In this chapter, you’ll get the behind-the-scenes tour of the male anatomy and meet such important “extras” as the glands, tissues, and organs that allow the penis to stand tall and proud when the director yells, “Action!”
The Penis: Inside and Out
Sexual intercourse occurs whenever a man puts his penis into a woman’s vagina. When the penis is in its normal, flaccid state, this feat is difficult (though not impossible) for a man to accomplish. (The technical term is called stuffing.) However, when the penis becomes erect and hard, most men learn quite quickly the technique of inserting the penis into the vagina — sometimes too quickly (for more about that, see Chapter 22).
How a man gets an erection is relatively, ahem, straightforward. But to fully understand the process, you need to first examine a man’s basic apparatus: his penis. This section is all about how and why a man gets an erection.
The three sponges (No cleaning involved)
Basically, a penis is composed of three structures (see Figure 2-1), which are made of a spongelike material that can fill with blood.
The two corpus cavernosa contain the central arteries and lie on the top half of the penis. They are cylindrical tubes and are larger