Wanting What She Can't Have. Yvonne Lindsay
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small body and inhaling the special baby scent of her hair and skin. So far, so good, she thought as they watched Catherine drive away. The older woman had been torn, clearly reluctant to leave Ruby behind, but Alexis had hastened to assure her that she was doing the right thing, for them all, but most of all for herself. She was already nervous enough about her upcoming surgery, she didn’t need the added worry of wondering how well Ruby would settle into her father’s home.
A light breeze lifted a tuft of Ruby’s fine auburn hair and brushed against Alexis’s cheek, the touch as soft and delicate as fingertips tracing lightly across her skin. A sudden pang for Bree cut her to the quick. The realization that she would never see her friend again, never share a bottle of wine and silly laughter over happy remembrances. Never again squabble over who was the more handsome out of the Hemsworth brothers.
Her hold on the baby in her arms, the child her friend never got to see outside of a sonogram, tightened and Ruby squawked in protest.
“I’m sorry, precious girl,” Alexis murmured into the baby’s soft fuzz of hair.
She fought back the burn of tears that threatened to cascade down her face and made a silent vow. I will look after your daughter, Bree, I promise. And I will love her and care for her and keep you alive in her heart forever.
Stepping back indoors, Alexis noticed that Raoul was nowhere to be seen inside the house. A good thing perhaps? Alexis couldn’t be certain. She popped Ruby on the floor with a few of the toys that Catherine had brought over with the baby and sat down with her. She seemed a placid enough child now, although Alexis knew from Ruby’s grandmother that she’d been very ill and demanding as a newborn. Understandable, given her start in life, she rationalized as she watched the little girl reach for a multicolored teddy and pull it to her, cuddling it as she popped her thumb in her mouth. Her big blue eyes stared back solemnly at Alexis.
Somewhere in the house a door slammed shut and Ruby and Alexis both jumped. Alexis laughed softly.
“Goodness,” she said rolling onto her belly on the floor and tickling the baby on one of her delightfully pudgy feet. “That was loud, wasn’t it?”
She was rewarded with a shy smile that exposed four perfect pearl-like teeth and she felt her heart twist in response. While Ruby’s coloring was exactly that of her mother’s, her smile was all Raoul.
“You’re going to be quite the heartbreaker, aren’t you, young lady?”
The baby’s chin began to wrinkle and her lower lip to quiver. Her thumb fell from her mouth and she let rip with a wail, her blue eyes filling with tears as she stared past Alexis.
“Oh, dear, was it something I said?”
Alexis pushed herself up into a sitting position and pulled the baby into her lap, rubbing her back in an attempt to soothe her but to no avail. A prickle of awareness up her spine made her realize they were no longer alone.
She swiveled her head and saw Raoul standing there behind them, frozen to the spot. His usually tan face was a sickly shade of gray.
“What’s wrong with her? Why’s she crying?” he demanded, his voice harsh and setting Ruby to cry even harder.
“Raoul, are you okay?” she asked, lithely getting to her feet and holding the baby against her.
His eyes were clamped on Ruby who buried her face into Alexis’s chest and continued to cry.
“I’m fine,” he said tightly, looking anything but. “Why’s she crying like that?”
“I assume it’s because she got a bit of a fright when you came into the room. Plus, this is all strange to her, isn’t it? Being here, missing Catherine, having me around.”
He nodded. “Please, can’t you do something to calm her?”
Alexis gave him a rueful smile. “I’m doing my best,” she said, jiggling Ruby gently. “Perhaps you could soften your tone a little?”
He made a dismissive gesture with one hand. “I’d prefer you keep the child confined to her room while I’m in the house.”
“But this is her home. You are kidding me, right?” Alexis said incredulously.
His eyes dragged from Ruby’s sobbing form to Alexis’s face.
“No. I’m not.”
He turned to walk out of the living room, but Alexis would have none of it.
“Stop right there,” she said with as much authority as she could muster. “You act like Ruby is an unwanted stranger here. She’s your daughter for goodness’ sake.”
Raoul turned around slowly. “It wasn’t my wish for her to come here and her presence is disruptive. As her nanny, your role is to confine your skills and your opinions to her care and her care alone. Is that understood?”
Alexis didn’t recognize the man in front of her. Sure, he mostly looked like the same Raoul Benoit she’d been introduced to shortly before he married her best friend, and he sounded the same. Her body certainly still had the same response to his presence, that unsettling thrill of awareness that buzzed along her nerve endings whenever she was near him. But the words... They weren’t the words of a bereaved husband or a caring father. And he did care—whether he wanted to admit it or not. So why was he trying so hard to distance himself from Ruby?
“Is that understood?” he repeated. “Your charge is distressed. I suggest you do whatever it is that you need to do to calm her and do it quickly.”
He tried to sound aloof but she could see the lines of strain around his eyes. It pulled at his heart to hear his little girl cry. She knew it as sure as she knew the reflection of her own face in the mirror each morning.
“Here, you take her for me and I’ll go and get her dinner ready. It’s time for her evening meal, anyway.”
He took a rapid step back and looked as her as if she’d suggested he tip vinegar into a barrel of his finest wine.
“Are you telling me you’re incapable of fulfilling your duties as a nanny?”
“No,” she said as patiently as she could. “Of course not. I thought you might like to hold your daughter to distract her, while I prepare her something to eat before her bath.”
“I don’t pay you to hand the baby over to me, Alexis,” he said bluntly before spinning around and leaving the room as silently as he’d entered it.
Ruby lifted her little head to peer around Alexis carefully, putting her thumb firmly back in her mouth when she was satisfied her father had departed.
“Well, that didn’t go quite as well as I expected,” Alexis said softly to the little girl. “I thought your grandmother might be exaggerating when she said that your daddy didn’t have anything to do with you. Looks like we have our work cut out for us, hmm?”
She kissed the top of Ruby’s head and, adjusting her a little higher on her hip, took her through to the kitchen. Grabbing a paper towel, she moistened it under the faucet and gently wiped tear tracks from two chubby little cheeks. Ruby clearly wasn’t a fan of paper towels and Alexis made a mental note to search out the muslin squares she’d seen amongst the baby’s things in the nursery. She popped Ruby into her high chair and gave her a plain cookie to chew on—who said you couldn’t start dinner with dessert every now and again?—while she scanned Catherine’s comprehensive notes on Ruby’s diet and sleeping times. The baby was still napping twice in a day and, after a 250 ml bottle at bedtime, pretty much slept through the night except for when she was cutting a tooth.
It all looked very straightforward. Alexis sighed and looked at the little girl. How could Raoul not want to be a part of her care? The very idea was almost impossible to contemplate. If she hadn’t heard him just a few moments ago she would have denied that he could possibly be so cold.
But was he really cold? There’d been something flickering in his hazel eyes that she hadn’t quite been