Brains Confounded by the Ode of Abū Shādūf Expounded. Yūsuf al-Shirbīnī
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يطعم من أطعمه حتّى تكتفوا من الطعام والملاعق على حالها فصار هذا يُلْقِم هذا بملعقته والآخر يفعل مع الآخر مثل ما فعل معه حتّى اكتفوا جميعًا قال فتعجّب الملك من حيلة هذا الأجرود وقوّة شيطنته وشدّة فراسته وأمر له بِصِلَةٍ وأخلع على الوزير
It is said that the most quick-witted and devilishly clever of men are those who have no beard at all. Anyone associating with them must be on guard, because of their great intelligence, breadth of knowledge, and finesse. Thus it happened that a certain king once asked his minister, “Who are the most devilishly clever and quick-witted of men?” and the minister answered, “Those who have no beard.” “I want you,” said the king, “to demonstrate the truth of that for me.” Said the minister, “You must prepare some food and make spoons for the food, each spoon three cubits in length, and order people to come and eat. When the people have come and sat down, order them to eat with nothing but those spoons and tell them that no one may touch the spoon except by the handle and that he may eat in no other way. Then watch what happens.” The king did as the minister instructed him, and the people came for the food. When they sat down, he ordered that they eat only with the spoons and told them that no one should touch any part of the spoon but the handle, as described. They wanted to eat but could not, and they wanted to leave, but the king stopped them and ordered them to sit. One of them would fill the spoon and try to put what was in it in his mouth, but it would miss his mouth and stick out over his shoulder, and no one knew what to do. While they were thus engaged, a man with no beard entered. “How is it that you are not eating the food?” he asked, so they told him the problem. “That’s easy,” he said, “I will show you a stratagem that will allow you to eat without disobeying the king’s command: each one of you will feed the man sitting opposite him, and that man likewise will feed the one who feeds him. That way you will eat your fill with the spoons as they are.” So this man started feeding morsels to that one and likewise that man to this one till all had eaten their fill. The king was amazed at the beardless man’s stratagem and the force of his cunning and his great insight and ordered that he be given a gift and bestowed a robe of honor on the minister.
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(ووقف رجل أجرود بين يدي بعض الملوك) يشكو خصمه فقال له الملك إنّي متعجّب من شكواك يعني إنّك أجرود لا يغلب عليك أحد فقال له العفو يا ملك إن كان في وجهي بعض شعرات فإنّ خصمي أملس لا شعر بوجهه قال فضحك الملك وأنصفه من خصمه وأمر له بصلة
And once a beardless man stood before a certain king and brought a complaint against an opponent. The king said to him, “I am amazed at your complaint. After all, you are beardless, and no one should be able to get the better of you.” “Pardon, O king,” replied the man, “but my face has the odd hair, while my opponent is completely smooth, without a single hair on his face!” The king laughed and gave the man his due against his opponent and ordered that he be given a gift.
The Origins of His Good Fortune in His Early Days and How Fate Came to Turn Against Him
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(وأمّا سبب سعادته في ابتداء أمره وكيف مال عليه الدهر) فعلى أقوال أحدها إنّه لمّا نشأ وصار له من العمر عشر سنين كان في قوّة وشهامة ومعرفة في رعي الغنم والنطّ في الغيط والمشي في الحرّ حافي عريان وكان يشيل الجلّة الخضراء على رأسه من الغيط إلى داره في أسرع زمن حتّى أنّ الرطوبة المتحلّلة منها كانت تسيل على وجهه وربّما عطش فشرب منها وربّما عمّ ما يسيل منها بقيّة جسده كما هو عادة أولاد الأرياف وكان يمكث الشهر والشهرين لا يغسل له وجهًا إلّا أن صادفه رشاش بول عجلة أو بقرة وهو سارح إلى الغيط أو مروّح فيمعكه بيده فيكون قائمًا مقام الماء لغسل وجهه وكان مع هذه النظافة الفشرويّة لا يغفل عن ضرب الأولاد ولعب الكورة حول الحارات والنطّ على المزابل والأجران ولعب الدارة * والطبلة والزُّمّاره * والعياط والغاره * وضرب الكلاب * والسخام والهباب * حتّى أنّه من دون رفاقته صار يومه بيومين * وشهره بشهرين * كما قال فيه شاعر القريتين * شع [وافر]
As for the origins of the poet’s good fortune in his early days and how fate came to turn against him, accounts differ. One says that, when he was grown and had reached ten years of age, he was strong, lusty, and well versed in pasturing flocks, gamboling in fields, and walking barefoot and naked in the heat, and that he would haul wet manure on his head from the field to his house in the shortest time imaginable, so that the liquid released would run over his face, and from this, if he ever got thirsty, he would drink; and sometimes what ran down from it would cover the rest of his body, as is typically the case among country boys. And he would go for a month or even two without giving his face a wash, unless he should happen to get doused in urine by a calf or a cow as he was on his way to or from the fields, in which case he would rub it in with his hand, using it in place of water to wash his face. Despite this fatuous cleanliness, he never passed up an opportunity to beat up the other children, play ball around the village quarters, gambol on the dung heaps and threshing floors, play at dārah and on the drums and zummārah, making a tumult and wild sounds, and beating the hounds, and other crud and crap, to the point that he was the one among his companions who knew best how to make two days of every one and of every month two. As the Bard of the Two Villages9 put it:
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| أَبُو شَادُوفِ مِنْ يَوْمُو مُجَعْمِصْ | شَبِيهُ ٱلْجَرْوِ يِتْنَطَّطْ بِقُوَّهْ |
| وَيَسْرَحْ غَيْطْ أَبُو مَعْرَهْ يُجَمِّعْ | مِنَ ٱلجلَّه ٱلطَّرِيَّهْ فِي ٱلْقُرُوَّهْ |
| وَهُوْ عُرْيَانْ وَشَايِلْ فَوْقَ رَاسُو |