How to Read This Book

      What I really want to do is tell you what this book isn’t. But first, I know I have to tell you what it is. So, let me do that. This is a book that starts at an ending. To find a beginning.

      I use the word “untangling” for that.

      But—you might call it breaking up. Or ending a relationship. Or getting a divorce. Or one of nine million other things that label the end of our love stories. And you know, in simply writing that—that this book is about endings—I feel like I am doing you a complete disservice. Because that is most certainly not just what this book is about.

      And if you’re browsing through the shelves at some book store—or scanning this online—I don’t want you to think that this book isn’t for you just because you’re not in that place right now. You’re happy in your life—in your relationship—and so when you read what I just wrote, maybe you end up putting this book down. Take it off your list. Say, that’s not for me. Because, well, you don’t need to reflect on endings right now, right?

      Oh, love—wrong.

      Whether you’re facing an ending right now or not—I’ll bet you can at least admit that you’ve been through your fair share. Some of them you understand well, and others—they probably still tuck you into bed at night. Don’t they? With questions. With hurt. With unresolved feelings. Maybe—even with a little regret. And so that, coupled with the simple truth that all of us will face endings throughout our lifetimes—way more often than we’d like, and certainly more than we ever prepare ourselves for—is what brings me to my point.

      The ending is never the story. But the ending is often what leads us to the story.

      And so that is what this book is about.

      The story of what comes next.

      And about being stuck in the middle. And self-growth. And reflection. But it’s also a book about finding happiness. And looking back just long enough to move forward. It’s about learning from your experiences instead of just having them. And mostly—this is a book about how to discover who you are when you are with other people—and what you choose to do with that.

      So I’m just going to say this. To you. About how to read this book:

      If you’re facing an ending right now, then start at the beginning. And read it all the way through. Or—if you’re a few weeks or months in, and struggling with whether to call or whether it was your fault or whether they miss you—then skip directly to those chapters. And read them over and over and over. Underline words. Earmark pages. Use this book as a journal. A good friend. A guide. And you do it, love, until you know—and are confident in—the choice you want to make. For you. And lastly, if you’re in a committed relationship—then I encourage you to read this as both a reflection and a growth opportunity. Not because you think in any way that your current relationship is headed toward an end—but rather, because you accept that endings in love are inevitable. And you’ve had them. And you will probably have them again. Read this book because you want to explore yourself. And your past. And you are ready to start harnessing the incredible power of knowing who you are when you are with other people.

      So, read it however you need to read it. But I encourage you to read it.

      And I promise you, after you do, you’re going to be armed with some pretty valuable tools. And all of them—love, all of them—come in the form of self-awareness. You’re going to come out of reading this knowing a lot more about who you are. And how you respond to situations. And types of people. And why you pick the people you pick. And make the choices you do in love. You’re going to come out of this knowing a little more about what you want. And what you will and won’t accept. And what you expect from others. And how love changes you. And what endings and beginnings look like in your life.

      I hope I will make you laugh. And smile. And reflect. But mostly, think. And so maybe that’s the best place to stop for now. Right at the beginning.

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