Second Plays. A. A. Milne
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(weakly). Much.
BLUE PRINCE. Good day.
QUEEN (with an effort). Good day, kind gentleman.
[He goes out.
(The KING is just coming from the cottage, when he returns suddenly. The KING slips back again.)
BLUE PRINCE. Small piece left over. (He gives it to her. She looks hopelessly at him.) Good-bye.
[He goes.
QUEEN (throwing the piece down violently). Ugh! What a man!
KING (coming out). Well, well, my dear, we have discovered the winner.
QUEEN (from the heart). Detestable person!
KING. The rest of the competition is of course more in the nature of a formality—
QUEEN. Thank goodness.
KING. However, I think that it will prevent unnecessary discussion afterwards if we—Take care, here is another one. (He hurries back.)
Enter the RED PRINCE.
QUEEN (with not nearly so much conviction). Could you spare a crust of bread, sir, for a poor hungry old woman?
RED PRINCE. A crust of bread, madam? Certainly. As luck will have it, I have a crust on me. My last one, but—your need is greater than mine. Eat, I pray.
QUEEN. Th-thank you, sir.
RED PRINCE. Not at all. Come, eat. Let me have the pleasure of seeing you eating.
QUEEN. M-might I take it home with me, pretty gentleman?
RED PRINCE (firmly). No, no. I must see you eating. Come! I will take no denial.
QUEEN. Th-thank you, sir. (Hopefully) Won't you share it with me?
RED PRINCE. No, I insist on your having it all. I am in the mood to be generous. Oblige me by eating it now for I am in a hurry; yet I will not go until you have eaten. (She does her best.) You eat but slowly. (Sternly) Did you deceive me when you said you were hungry?
QUEEN. N-no. I'm very hungry. (She eats)
RED PRINCE. That's better. Now understand—however poor I am, I can always find a crust of bread for an old woman. Always! Remember this when next you are hungry. … You spoke? (She shakes her head and goes on eating.) Finished?
QUEEN (with great difficulty). Yes, thank you, pretty gentleman.
RED PRINCE. There's a piece on the ground there that you dropped. (She eats it in dumb agony) Finished?
QUEEN (huskily). Yes, thank you, pretty gentleman.
RED PRINCE. Then I will leave you, madam. Good morning.
[He goes out.
(The QUEEN rises in fury. The KING is about to come out of the cottage, when the YELLOW PRINCE enters. The QUEEN sits down again and mumbles something. It is certainly not an appeal for bread, but the YELLOW PRINCE is not to be denied.)
YELLOW PRINCE (gallantly). My poor woman, you are in distress. It pains me to see it, madam, it pains me terribly. Can it be that you are hungry? I thought so, I thought so. Give me the great pleasure, madam, of relieving your hunger. See (holding up his finger), my own poor meal. Take it! It is yours.
QUEEN (with difficulty). I am not hungry.
YELLOW PRINCE. Ah, madam, I see what it is. You do not wish to deprive me. You tell yourself, perchance, that it is not fitting that one in your station of life should partake of the meals of the highly born. You are not used, you say, to the food of Princes. Your rougher palate——
QUEEN (hopefully). Did you say food of princes?
YELLOW PRINCE. Where was I, madam? You interrupted me. No matter—eat. (She takes the scarf and unties the ribbon.) Ah, now I remember. I was saying that your rougher palate——
QUEEN (discovering the worst). No! No! Not bread!
YELLOW PRINCE. Bread, madam, the staff of life. Come, madam, will you not eat? (She tries desperately.) What can be more delightful than a crust of bread by the wayside?
(The QUEEN shrieks and falls back in a swoon. The KING rushes out to her.)
KING (to YELLOW PRINCE). Quick, quick, find the Princess.
YELLOW PRINCE. The Princess—find the Princess! (He goes vaguely off and we shall not see him again. But the WOODCUTTER and the PRINCESS do not need to be found. They are here.)
WOODCUTTER (to PRINCESS). Go to her, but don't show that you know me.
(He goes into the cottage, and the PRINCESS hastens to her father.)
PRINCESS. Father!
KING. Ah, my dear, you're just in time. Your mother——
PRINCESS. My mother?
KING. Yes, yes. A little plan of mine—of hers—your poor mother. Dear, dear!
PRINCESS. But what's the matter?
KING. She is suffering from a surfeit of bread, and——
(The WOODCUTTER comes up with a flagon of wine)
WOODCUTTER. Poor old woman! She has fainted from exhaustion. Let me give her some——
QUEEN (shrieking). No, no, not bread! I will not have any more bread.
WOODCUTTER. Drink this, my poor woman.
QUEEN (opening her eyes). Did you say drink? (She seizes the flagon and drinks)
PRINCESS. Oh, sir, you have saved my mother's life!
WOODCUTTER. Not at all.
KING. I thank you, my man, I thank you.
QUEEN. My deliverer! Tell me who you are!
PRINCESS. It is my mother, the Queen, who asks you.
WOODCUTTER (amazed, as well he may be). The Queen!
KING. Yes, yes. Certainly, the Queen.
WOODCUTTER (taking off his hat). Pardon, your Majesty. I am a woodcutter, who lives alone here, far away from courts.
QUEEN. Well, you've got more sense in your head than any of the Princes that I've seen lately. You'd better come to court.
PRINCESS (shyly). You will be very welcome, sir.
QUEEN. And you'd better marry the Princess.
KING. Isn't that perhaps going a little too far, dear?
QUEEN. Well, you wanted kindness of heart in your son-in-law, and you've got it. And he's got common sense too. (To WOODCUTTER) Tell me, what do you think of bread as—as a form of nourishment?
WOODCUTTER (cautiously). One can have too much of it.
QUEEN. Exactly my view. (To KING) There you are, you see.
KING. Well, if you insist. The great thing, of course, is that our darling child should be happy.
PRINCESS. I will do my best, father. (She takes the WOODCUTTER'S hand.)
KING. Then the marriage will take place this evening. (With a wave of his wand) Let the revels begin.
(They begin)
ACT II.—OLIVER'S ISLAND