The Greatest Works of P. G. Wodehouse. P. G. Wodehouse
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of his.
The remarkable thing about the Great Picnic was its orderliness.; Considering that five hundred and fifty boys were ranging the country in a compact mass, there was wonderfully little damage done to property.; Wyatt’s genius did not stop short at organising the march.; In addition, he arranged a system of officers which effectually controlled the animal spirits of the rank and file.; The prompt and decisive way in which rioters were dealt with during the earlier stages of the business proved a wholesome lesson to others who would have wished to have gone and done likewise.; A spirit of martial law reigned over the Great Picnic.; And towards the end of the day fatigue kept the rowdy-minded quiet.
At Worfield the expedition lunched.; It was not a market-day, fortunately, or the confusion in the narrow streets would have been hopeless.; On ordinary days Worfield was more or less deserted.; It is astonishing that the resources of the little town were equal to satisfying the needs of the picnickers.; They descended on the place like an army of locusts.
Wyatt, as generalissimo of the expedition, walked into the “Grasshopper and Ant,” the leading inn of the town.
“Anything I can do for you, sir?” inquired the landlord politely.
“Yes, please,” said Wyatt, “I want lunch for five hundred and fifty.”
That was the supreme moment in mine host’s life.; It was his big subject of conversation ever afterwards.; He always told that as his best story, and he always ended with the words, “You could ha’ knocked me down with a feather!”
The first shock over, the staff of the “Grasshopper and Ant” bustled about.; Other inns were called upon for help.; Private citizens rallied round with bread, jam, and apples.; And the army lunched sumptuously.
In the early afternoon they rested, and as evening began to fall, the march home was started.
* * * * *
At the school, net practice was just coming to an end when, faintly, as the garrison of Lucknow heard the first skirl of the pipes of the relieving force, those on the grounds heard the strains of the school band and a murmur of many voices.; Presently the sounds grew more distinct, and up the Wrykyn road came marching the vanguard of the column, singing the school song.; They looked weary but cheerful.
As the army drew near to the school, it melted away little by little, each house claiming its representatives.; At the school gates only a handful were left.
Bob Jackson, walking back to Donaldson’s, met Wyatt at the gate, and gazed at him, speechless.
“Hullo,” said Wyatt, “been to the nets?; I wonder if there’s time for a ginger-beer before the shop shuts.”
CHAPTER XII
MIKE GETS HIS CHANCE
The headmaster was quite bland and business-like about it all.; There were no impassioned addresses from the dais.; He did not tell the school that it ought to be ashamed of itself.; Nor did he say that he should never have thought it of them.; Prayers on the Saturday morning were marked by no unusual features.; There was, indeed, a stir of excitement when he came to the edge of the dais, and cleared his throat as a preliminary to making an announcement.; Now for it, thought the school.
This was the announcement.
“There has been an outbreak of chicken-pox in the town.; All streets except the High Street will in consequence be out of bounds till further notice.”
He then gave the nod of dismissal.
The school streamed downstairs, marvelling.
The less astute of the picnickers, unmindful of the homely proverb about hallooing before leaving the wood, were openly exulting.; It seemed plain to them that the headmaster, baffled by the magnitude of the thing, had resolved to pursue the safe course of ignoring it altogether.; To lie low is always a shrewd piece of tactics, and there seemed no reason why the Head should not have decided on it in the present instance.
Neville-Smith was among these premature rejoicers.
“I say,” he chuckled, overtaking Wyatt in the cloisters, “this is all right, isn’t it!; He’s funked it.; I thought he would.; Finds the job too big to tackle.”
Wyatt was damping.
“My dear chap,” he said, “it’s not over yet by a long chalk.; It hasn’t started yet.”
“What do you mean?; Why didn’t he say anything about it in Hall, then?”
“Why should he?; Have you ever had tick at a shop?”
“Of course I have.; What do you mean?; Why?”
“Well, they didn’t send in the bill right away.; But it came all right.”
“Do you think he’s going to do something, then?”
“Rather.; You wait.”
Wyatt was right.
Between ten and eleven on Wednesdays and Saturdays old Bates, the school sergeant, used to copy out the names of those who were in extra lesson, and post them outside the school shop.; The school inspected the list during the quarter to eleven interval.
To-day, rushing to the shop for its midday bun, the school was aware of a vast sheet of paper where usually there was but a small one.; They surged round it.; Buns were forgotten.; What was it?
Then the meaning of the notice flashed upon them.; The headmaster had acted.; This bloated document was the extra lesson list, swollen with names as a stream swells with rain.; It was a comprehensive document.; It left out little.
“The following boys will go in to extra lesson this afternoon and next Wednesday,” it began.; And “the following boys” numbered four hundred.
“Bates must have got writer’s cramp,” said Clowes, as he read the huge scroll.
* * * * *
Wyatt met Mike after school, as they went back to the house.
“Seen the ‘extra’ list?” he remarked.; “None of the kids are in it, I notice.; Only the bigger fellows.; Rather a good thing.; I’m glad you got off.”
“Thanks,” said Mike, who was walking a little stiffly.; “I don’t know what you call getting off.; It seems to me you’re the chaps who got off.”
“How do you mean?”
“We got tanned,” said Mike ruefully.
“What!”
“Yes.; Everybody below the Upper Fourth.”
Wyatt roared with laughter.
“By Gad,” he said, “he is an old sportsman.; I never saw such a man.; He lowers all records.”
“Glad you think it funny.; You wouldn’t have if you’d been me.; I was one of the first to get it.; He was quite fresh.”
“Sting?”
“Should think it did.”
“Well, buck up.; Don’t break down.”
“I’m not breaking down,” said Mike indignantly.
“All right, I thought you weren’t.; Anyhow, you’re better off than I am.”
“An extra’s nothing much,” said Mike.
“It is when it happens to come on the same day as the M.C.C. match.”
“Oh, by Jove!; I forgot.; That’s next Wednesday, isn’t it?; You won’t be able to play!”
“No.”
“I say, what rot!”
“It