War/Peace. Matthew Vandenberg
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of clean, white paper, still as pale and transparent as a ghost – 'is where the real action takes place. This is where they have asked me to give my talk.'
'What talk?' Shaun asks. He's the only one in the room. He's sitting at the table in the room's center, sketching something onto the wood surface. 'Just putting my tag on the furniture. They're gonna wanna know I've been here.'
'So they've told you too?' I ask.
'Told me what?'
'That we're leaving.'
'We're what?!'
'We're leaving,' I say. 'We'll be returning in the morning but we're going to have to visit some people tonight.'
'Ha.' – Shaun shakes his head – 'So I'm Sarah Connor, marking some odd bit of furniture so that people will have something to remember me by.'
'What do you mean?' I say. 'You're not gonna die. It's safe after dark, especially in the south.'
'Who's not gonna die?' Chloe asks, walking into the room.
'Chloe,' I say, approaching the table. 'Could you call the others in please? I've got something to say.'
'Others!' Chloe yells. 'Living room, ASAP!'
'We're going out,' I say, smiling. 'And it's gonna be wild. Shaun, you can stay here if you like but you'll be stuck with the south-siders. Chloe, what do you say?'
'If you're going I'm going,' Chloe says. 'Where to?'
'I'll get to that,' I say.
Adrian walks into the room next, followed by Shelly, Jerri, and then the two new girls.
'Stacie, Monica, Shelly, and Jerri, you'll have the house to yourselves tonight,' I say.
'What's going on?' Shelly asks.
'We've got a job to do,' I say. I smile, look from person to person, then stretch my arms. 'It's a job I'm all too familiar with, coz I'm a north-sider through and through. But you guys' – I look at Shaun, then Chloe, then Adrian, as I stroll from one end of the table to the other – 'might have to learn a few things. Take a seat already, everyone.'
'Your on call, aren't you?' Chloe asks. 'Fuckin' call guy, even during the war.'
I nod.
'What?' Stacie asks.
'Ok, first of all: you south-siders, you'll just be staying here,' I say. 'So don't worry. You're receptionists, that's all. Should anyone walk into this joint overnight you'll meet them and greet them. That cool, Shell? Jerri? You can take turns so you'll all have a chance to get some rest. But we can't have no one at the entrance hall, in case someone important turns up.'
'Um . . . sure,' Shelly says. 'I'm not going to be sleeping much anyway.'
'Excellent,' I say. 'So this is how things are going to go down. Chloe, Shaun, Adrian, out there we have the power. We're the one's in charge. Shaun, Adrian, you both in on this?'
'Shaun's asleep dude,' Adrian says. 'But count me in.'
'Ha ha.' - I slam a fist down on the table – 'Shaun!'
'Wha . . . what!?'
'Are you gonna sleep here tonight, with the south-siders or are you going to come out with Adrian, Chloe and I?'
'You're all going? Well, yeah. Sure, dude.'
'Then listen up,' I say. ‘I’mma spell it out for all of you. This may come as a shock, but Big Brother, the voice we hear in our sleep, that annoying ring we always hear coming from our phones, he's a muthafuckin' pimp. That's right, Big Bro's a pimp, and we're a set of sluts.'
'That's disgusting,' Shelly says. 'Hey, you don't have to do everything Big Brother says, you know.'
'Whoa.' – I hold up a hand – 'Hell no,' I say. 'Girl, we're leaving the house tonight anyway, we could ditch the joint if we wanted to. But what you don't understand is that I'm a slut, Shelly. That's what I am. This is what I do, it's what I was doing before I got here and it's what I'll be doing after I leave. I'm a sensation-seeker**. I'm down with this. And word is that we got a bunch of clients, they're trapped in their homes, and they can't leave. So we gotta do house calls.'
'This sounds fuckin' awesome,' Chloe says.
'You're damn right it does,' I say. 'Now Chloe, I know you've had some experience. But Shaun, Adrian, do you have any idea how this works?'
'I know how to have sex,' Shaun says.
'Fine,' I say. 'But we ain't just doing house-calls. We're gonna come across south-siders on the streets, they'll be sitting in groups, talking, praying . . .' – I turn to Shelly – 'What is it you south-siders do in your down time?'
'Jackson!' Shelly says. 'Don't harass south-siders. Please.'
'No,' I say. 'Look: if any of them wanna come into this safe-house we're gonna bring 'em here, that's all. Adrian:' – I point at Adrian, as though having thrown a ball his way – 'you walk into a bar, the joint is crowded, dance-floor abuzz, you catch the eye of a girl sitting alone on a lounge, you stroll over to her and sit down next to her. She looks at you, then looks down, plays with her hair a little and then, chin-tipped, looks up at you***. She doesn't say a word. What do you do?'
'She wants you to move away,' Adrian says. 'I guess I'd get up . . .'
'Wrong,' I say. 'Chloe, what do you say?'
'I think she's interested,' Chloe says. 'You should at least say “hi”. I thought you was a Casanova, Adrian.'
'Dude only gets pussy coz he can drop his name,' Shaun says. 'Only coz he's famous. He doesn't have no social skills.'
'Hey!' Adrian says.
'Don't matter,' I say. 'It's hard to judge female body language, even for women. Especially when you're judging the body language of a south-side girl. But you always have to say something, anything. You need to start the conversation. A quiet person is not necessarily cold, she – or he – may just need to be put at ease#. Ask questions, break the ice. What school does she go to? Does she still go to school? Who is she out with? And you've got a brilliant conversation starter in the skies above, war 101. How has the war affected her? Has she got a home? Has she ever visited the north? This is the best time to pick-up because girls are looking for friends, companions, and in many cases something more. Guys are too. I'm straight but I don't discriminate, but I don't expect you guys to be that game just yet.'
'I'm cool,' Chloe says, shrugging.
'Of course you're cool,' Shaun remarks.
'Not just guys. Girls also,' Chloe says, grinning. 'You know that. Shelly knows that.'
'I don't want to hear anymore,' Shelly says. 'So we'll just be staying here?'
'That's right,' I say.
'Than can we go?' Jerri asks. 'I'd say that I don't want you lot going outside tonight, but you ain't gonna listen are you?'
Four girls leave the room.
'Are we gonna listen guys?' I ask.
'Let's get out of here,' Shaun says.
'Yeah,' Adrian agrees. 'Let's go.'
Chloe smiles.
'We move fast,' I say. 'And in more ways than one. We gotta be back here by daybreak, lest the pastors track us down. But another rule: spell out to the girl or the guy that you are not looking for a relationship. You want to help the person, befriend him or her, form a bond with him or her, and listen to him or her, but you also want to listen to and bond with others. Everyone is special, but you ain't exclusive. Should your mate become addicted to you then we might have a problem^. We all know that south-siders have an addictive personality, right guys?'
'Too true,' Adrian says.
'Let's go already,' Shaun says. 'It's dark. We gotta move.'
I smile: 'One last thing. We don't charge during time