The Prosperity & Wealth Bible. Kahlil Gibran
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and high-minded a man may be, if he wears the mask of an unattractive and unpleasant Personality he is placed at a disadvantage, and drives away people whom he might benefit and who would be glad to love him if they could see behind his unattractive mask.
Nor are we speaking of one’s personal physical appearance when we speak of unattractive and attractive masks. While one’s physical appearance goes a good way in some cases, there is a charm of Personality that far transcends that fleeting appearance. There are many persons having beautiful faces and forms whose personality is far from charming, and who repel rather than attract. And there are others whose faces are homely and whose forms are far from shapely, who have, nevertheless, that “winning way about them” that attracts others to them. There are people whom we are always glad to see, and whose charm of manner makes us forget that they are not beautiful, in fact, even their homely faces seem to become transfigured when we are in their presence. That is what we meant by Personality, in the same way in which we are now using it. It bears a very close relationship to “Personal Magnetism,” of which we spoke of in our preceding lesson.
One of the first things that should be cultivated by those wishing to develop the Charm of Personality is a mental atmosphere of Cheerfulness. There is nothing so invigorating as the presence of a cheerful person — nothing so dispiriting as one of those Human Wet Blankets that cast a chill over everyone and everything with whom they come in contact. Think of your acquaintances and you will find that you will naturally place them in two classes — the Cheerful ones and the Gloomy ones. Sunny Jim is always preferred to Gloomy Gus — the one you will welcome, and the other you will fly from. The Japanese understand this law of Personality, and one of the first things that they teach their children is to preserve a cheerful, sunny exterior, no matter if their hearts are breaking. With them it is considered one of the most flagrant offenses against good form to carry their sorrows, grief and pain into the presence of others. They reserve that side of their life for the privacy of their own chamber — to the outside world they present always a happy, sunny smile. And in this they are wise, for a number of reasons (1) that they may induce a more buoyant and positive state of mind in themselves; (2) that they may attract cheerful persons and things to them by the Law of Attraction; and (3) that they may present an attractive Personality to others, and thereby be welcome and congenial associates and participants in the work of life. There is little welcome or help for the Gloomy Gus tribe in everyday business life — they are avoided as a pestilence — everyone has troubles enough of his own without those of other people added thereto. Remember the old lines:
Laugh and the world laughs with you;
Weep and you weep alone.
For this sad old earth is in need of mirth,
And has troubles enough of its own.
So cultivate the Smile that Won’t Come Off. It is a valuable asset of Personality. Not the silly, idiotic grin, but the Smile that means something — the Real Thing. And such a smile comes from within, and is more than skin deep. If you want a Verbal Pattern upon which to model the mental state that will produce this outward appearance of Personality, here it is: “Bright, Cheerful and Happy.” Frame it and hang it in a prominent place in your Mental Art Gallery. Commit it to memory and Visualize it, so that you may be able to see it before you like an illuminated electric sign — “BRIGHT, CHEERFUL AND HAPPY.” — then endeavor to materialize the idea into reality within your mind. Think it out — act it out — and it will become real to you. Then will you have Something Worthwhile in the shape of Personality? This may seem simple and childish to you — but if you will work it out into actuality, it will be worth thousands of dollars to you, no matter what walk of life you may be in.
Another valuable bit of Personality is that of Self-Respect. If you have real Self-Respect it will manifest itself in your outward demeanor and appearance. If you don’t have it, you had better start in and cultivate the appearance of Self-Respect, and then Remember that you are a Man, or a Woman, as the case may be, and not a poor, crawling Worm on the Dust of a Human Door Mat. Face the world firmly and fearlessly, keeping your eyes well to the front. Hold up your head! There is nothing like a stiff backbone and a raised head for meeting the world. The man with bent head seems to apologize for living and being on the earth — and the world is apt to take such at their own valuation. An erect head enables one to walk past the dragons at the door of Success. A writer gives the following good advice on this subject: “Hold your ear lobes directly over your shoulders, so that a plumb line hung from the ears describes the line of your body. Be sure also not to carry the head either to the right or left, but vertical. Many men make the mistake, especially while waiting for a customer to finish some important piece of business, of leaning the head to the right or left. This indicates weakness. A study of men discloses the fact that the strong men never tilt the head. Their heads sit perfectly straight on strong necks. Their shoulders, held easily, yet firmly, in position, are inspiring in their strength — indicating poise. Every line of the body, in other words, denotes the thought of the bearer.” The value of this advice lies not only in the fact that it gives to you the “appearance” of Self-Respect (no trifling matter, by the way), but also that it tends to cultivate a corresponding mental state within you. For just as “Thought takes form in Action,” so do Actions develop mental states — it is a rule that works both ways. So think Self-Respect and act Self-Respect. Let the “I Am” within you manifest itself. Don’t crawl — don’t cringe — don’t grovel — but do be a Real Human Being.
Another bit of Personality worth cultivating is the Art of Taking an Interest in Others. Many people go through the world so wrapped up in their own affairs that they convey the impression of being “apart” and aloof from others with whom they come in contact. This mental state manifests in a most unpleasant form of Personality. Such people are not only regarded as “cold” and lacking heart and soul, but they also give others the impression of selfishness and hardness, and the public is apt to let such a person alone — to leave him to his own selfish moods and mental states. Such a one never becomes popular — never becomes a good mixer among men. Taking an Interest in Others is an art that well repays the student of Success to cultivate it. Of course one must always keep the main chance before him and not allow his own interests to suffer by reason of his interest in others — that goes without saying, for unreasonable altruism is just as one sided as undue selfishness. But there is a middle course. You will find something of interest in every person with whom you come in contact, and if you will but turn your attention to that interest it will manifest itself in such a way that the person will be conscious of it, will appreciate it, and will be glad to respond by taking an interest in you. This is not deceit, or time serving, or flattery — it is the Law of Compensation working on the mental plane — you get what you give. If you will stop and think a moment you will find that the people whose Personality seems the most attractive to you are the people who seem to Take an Interest in your own personality.
This Taking an Interest in Others manifests itself in many ways, one of which is in making you a Good Listener. Now, we do not mean that you should allow yourself to be made a dumping ground for all the talk of all the people with whom you come in contact — if you do this you will have time for nothing else. You must use ordinary judgment and tact in regulating the time you give to others, depending upon the person and the particular circumstances of the case. What we do mean is that while you’re listening you should Listen Well. There is no subtler compliment that one person can pay to another than Listening Well to him or her. To Listen Well is to Listen with Interest. And that is something that cannot be very well taught in a book. Perhaps the best way to express the idea is to say, “Listen as you Would be Listened unto.” The Golden Rule may be applied to many things and ideas, with benefit and good results. The man who listens well is well thought of by those to whom he listens. In this connection we are always reminded of the old story of Carlyle, who, as everyone knows, was reputed to be a crusty, crabby old chap, prone to sarcastic remarks and brusque treatment of those with whom he engaged in conversation. The tale goes that one day a man called upon Carlyle — and the man understood the Art of Listening Well. He so turned the conversations as to get Carlyle started on a subject dear to his heart — and then he kept quiet and Listened Well. Carlyle talked “a straight streak” for several hours, and grew quite enthusiastic over his topic. When at last the visitor arose to depart, he was forced