The Complete Works of Shakespeare. William Shakespeare
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Word of denial in thy labras here!
Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest!
Slen. By these gloves, then ’twas he.
Nym. Be avis’d, sir, and pass good humors. I will say “marry trap” with you, if you run the nuthook’s humor on me—that is the very note of it.
Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John?
Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
Evans. It is his five senses. Fie, what the ignorance is!
Bard. And being fap, sir, was (as they say) cashier’d; and so conclusions pass’d the careers.
Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too: but ’tis no matter; I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
Evans. So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
[Enter] Anne Page [with wine], Mistress Ford, Mistress Page.
Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in, we’ll drink within.
[Exit Anne Page.]
Slen. O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.
Page. How now, Mistress Ford?
Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met. By your leave, good mistress.
[Kisses her.]
Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.
[Exeunt all except Shallow, Slender, and Evans.]
Slen. I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here.
[Enter] Simple.
How now, Simple, where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you?
Sim. Book of Riddles? Why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?
Shal. Come, coz, come, coz, we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is as ’twere a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me?
Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be so, I shall do that that is reason.
Shal. Nay, but understand me.
Slen. So I do, sir.
Evans. Give ear to his motions: Master Slender, I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.
Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I pray you pardon me; he’s a Justice of Peace in his country, simple though I stand here.
Evans. But that is not the question: the question is concerning your marriage.
Shal. Ay, there’s the point, sir.
Evans. Marry, is it; the very point of it—to Mistress Anne Page.
Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.
Evans. But can you affection the oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth. Therefore precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?
Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
Slen. I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.
Evans. Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.
Shal. That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?
Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason.
Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?
Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another. I hope, upon familiarity will grow more content. But if you say, “Marry her,” I will marry her; that I am freely dissolv’d, and dissolutely.
Evans. It is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is in the ord ‘dissolutely.’ The ort is (according to our meaning) ‘resolutely.’ His meaning is good.
Shal. Ay—I think my cousin meant well.
Slen. Ay, or else I would I might be hang’d, la!
Shal. Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
[Enter Anne Page.]
Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!
Anne. The dinner is on the table. My father desires your worships’ company.
Shal. I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
Evans. ’Od’s plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.
[Exeunt Shallow and Evans.]
Anne. Will’t please your worship to come in, sir?
Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.
Anne. The dinner attends you, sir.
Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin Shallow. [Exit Simple.] A Justice of Peace sometime may be beholding to his friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead. But what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born.
Anne. I may not go in without your worship; they will not sit till you come.
Slen. I’ faith, I’ll eat nothing. I thank you as much as though I did.
Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in.
Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruis’d my shin th’ other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence (three veneys for a dish of stew’d prunes) and by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i’ th’ town?
Anne. I think there are, sir, I heard them talk’d of.
Slen. I love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England. You are afraid if you see the bear loose, are you not?
Anne. Ay indeed, sir.
Slen. That’s meat and drink to me, now. I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the chain; but (I warrant you) the women have so cried and shriek’d at it, that it pass’d. But women, indeed, cannot abide ’em, they are very ill- favor’d rough things.
[Enter Page.]
Page. Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.
Slen. I’ll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
Page.