The Complete Works of Shakespeare. William Shakespeare
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like [Herne], with huge horns on his head].
Page.
Well, let it not be doubted but he’ll come,
And in this shape when you have brought him thither,
What shall be done with him? What is your plot?
Mrs. Page.
That likewise have we thought upon, and thus:
Nan Page (my daughter) and my little son,
And three or four more of their growth, we’ll dress
Like urchins, ouphes, and fairies, green and white,
With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads,
And rattles in their hands. Upon a sudden,
As Falstaff, she, and I are newly met,
Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once
With some diffused song. Upon their sight,
We two in great amazedness will fly;
Then let them all encircle him about,
And fairy-like to pinch the unclean knight;
And ask him why, that hour of fairy revel,
In their so sacred paths he dares to tread
In shape profane.
[Mrs.] Ford.
And till he tell the truth,
Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound,
And burn him with their tapers.
Mrs. Page.
The truth being known,
We’ll all present ourselves; dis-horn the spirit,
And mock him home to Windsor.
Ford.
The children must
Be practic’d well to this, or they’ll nev’r do’t.
Evans. I will teach the children their behaviors; and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the knight with my taber.
Ford.
That will be excellent. I’ll go buy them vizards.
Mrs. Page.
My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies,
Finely attired in a robe of white.
Page.
That silk will I go buy.
[Aside.]
And in that time
Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away,
And marry her at Eton.—Go, send to Falstaff straight.
Ford.
Nay, I’ll to him again in name of [Brook];
He’ll tell me all his purpose. Sure he’ll come.
Mrs. Page.
Fear not you that. Go get us properties
And tricking for our fairies.
Evans. Let us about it. It is admirable pleasures and fery honest knaveries.
[Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans.]
Mrs. Page.
Go, Mistress Ford,
Send Quickly to Sir John, to know his mind.
[Exit Mrs. Ford.]
I’ll to the doctor, he hath my good will,
And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.
That Slender (though well landed) is an idiot;
And he my husband best of all affects.
The doctor is well money’d, and his friends
Potent at court. He, none but he, shall have her,
Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.
[Exit.]
¶
Scene V
Enter Host, Simple.
Host. What wouldst thou have, boor? What, thick- skin? Speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.
Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff from Master Slender.
Host. There’s his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed and truckle-bed; ’tis painted about with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go, knock and call; he’ll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee. Knock, I say.
Sim. There’s an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber. I’ll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come down. I come to speak with her indeed.
Host. Ha? a fat woman? The knight may be robb’d. I’ll call. Bully-knight! bully Sir John! speak from thy lungs military. Art thou there? It is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls.
Fal. [Above.] How now, mine host?
Host. Here’s a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are honorable. Fie, privacy? fie!
[Enter] Falstaff.
Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with me, but she’s gone.
Sim. Pray you, sir, was’t not the wise woman of Brainford?
Fal. Ay, marry, was it, mussel-shell, what would you with her?
Sim. My master, sir, my Master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go thorough the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguil’d him of a chain, had the chain or no.
Fal. I spake with the old woman about it.
Sim. And what says she, I pray, sir?
Fal. Marry, she says that the very same man that beguil’d Master Slender of his chain cozen’d him of it.
Sim. I would I could have spoken with the woman herself. I had other things to have spoken with her too from him.
Fal. What are they? let us know.
Host. Ay; come; quick.
[Sim.] I may not conceal them, sir.
Host. Conceal them, or thou diest.
Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne Page, to know if it were my master’s fortune to have her or no.
Fal. ’Tis, ’tis his fortune.
Sim. What, sir?
Fal. To have her, or no. Go; say the woman told me so.
Sim. May I be bold to say so, sir?
Fal. Ay, sir; like who more bold?
Sim. I thank your worship. I shall make my master glad with these tidings.
[Exit.]
Host. Thou [art] clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was there a wise woman