Tara - The Journey To One's Self. Anjana Gill
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my first induction with him had come to an end. At first I was a little sad, for in actual fact I no longer wanted to leave this place. It was a long time since I had felt as good as I did here with Guruji. But at least I had a lot of things to think about now! I bid farewell by also folding my hands and bowing slightly. Once more I looked into this loving countenance. Guruji gave me a smile and then I stepped onto the pier.
After a few steps I turned around to waive goodbye to Guruji. But what did I see! At the end of the pier I saw the ferry boat and not the raft! I rubbed my eyes. It had to be a mirage. My head began to spin. Although I opened my eyes, closed them, and then reopened them, there was no change: the raft was gone !
I looked at my watch. I couldn’t believe it: it was 4 pm. That was the exact time I had stepped onto the ferry, or rather the raft. Where had the time I had spent with Guruji gone to? Was everything only a dream? That couldn’t be. Guruji, the sun-filled light, the exciting talk. I knew I hadn’t dreamt it all. The whole thing was more than strange: where was the raft and where had the time gone? Questions upon questions. At first I was dismayed; but then I remembered the loving words of the wise Indian: “I’m there for you. You can come back again whenever you want!” When I thought of these sentences, the peaceful warm feeling swept through me once again. And then I knew I could trust Guruji and needn’t be afraid.
Immediately I felt light and elated. Guruji’s words swirled around inside my head and I only wanted one thing: to get home and think about everything in peace and quiet.
The next few days were very strenuous. Things were very hectic at the company and I had little time to reflect on the exciting conversation. There were never ending problems with developing the collection. Nothing went smoothly. Anna tried to help me wherever possible but I had to do most things myself. After all, I was responsible for everything in the end.
Bit by bit the feelings and thoughts I had had subsided and the usual stress and the usual thinking patterns took over once again. Time to reflect – yes, but when? Pause to think, enjoy the simple things in life. Basically it sounds like a good thing, but reality is different. Very different. I can’t allow myself any mistakes. Business life today is like swimming around a shark-infested pool. You get eaten quicker than you can say fish finger.
So there you go: “daily routine consumes the very fabric of our souls!” That’s just how it is.
A pity really, the peace and quiet had done me good. For a brief moment I felt happy again, really happy.
Guruji had asked me what made me happy. To be honest, I didn’t know. Not really.
I like my job. I like my flat. I like my friends. Actually my life is okay.
If only I didn’t feel this sense of emptiness so often. The feeling of that can’t be all, was that everything? And then I’m always on the lookout, searching for the sense in life. Yes that was it. That’s what Guruji had meant. Once more, it did me good to take a step back from my stressful life and pause for a moment to reflect. Seven days had now already passed since that magical encounter. I felt a yearning. A longing for Guruji’s warmth. A yearning for his wisdom.
I picked up a fashion magazine to distract myself and redirect my thoughts back to the new collection. I really couldn’t allow myself any daydreams at the moment. There was enough to do without that. But no matter what I did, my thoughts kept wandering off. When was I happy? I was happy when I had bought that fantastic suit recently. Or during my last holiday on the beach, grilling at that rustic beach restaurant, that was also a time when I was really happy. In actual fact, these were only moments. But after all, such moments of happiness did exist in my life and they were a real source of energy for me. Such moments provide the strength and energy for what comes next.
I continued to thumb through my fashion magazine and suddenly came across a report on India and the sentence:
The greatest meaning in life comes from
recognising oneself as a soul
and striving to unite with
the divine source.
(Swami Vivekananda)
It was a sign! It could only be a sign!
For a moment I had the feeling that Guruji was there in the room with me.
I had to go to him. It was an absolute must!
And I had to do it immediately!
For the first time in my life, I left everything else standing. Regardless of my responsibilities.
For once, my strong sense of duty would simply have to take a back seat. I wanted and needed to see Guruji again.
I quickly drove down to the river and walked along the riverbank till I reached the ferry landing pier. But there was nothing there. No ferry and certainly no raft. I was swept up by an endless sadness. Where could I find Guruji? Where should I start to look for him? I stayed there for awhile, staring out emptily and trying to think what to do. Then I suddenly noticed the ferry was landing at the pier. As if in a trance, without thinking, I went down the pier and stepped onto the ferry, and gave a cry of happiness: Guruji was there! I was back on the raft. How was that possible? Was it magic?
But at that moment I didn’t care at all. The main thing was that my wise Indian friend was back.
Guruji smiled at me full of love and this time I felt all the space around me filled with his peace and quiet and love.
I sat down again on the empty yellow cushion, my cushion, and Guruji handed me a cup of the fragrant ginger tea:
“I’m happy to see you, Tara.”
I looked into his lotus eyes and my heart jumped for joy.
“And now”, began Guruji, “ we will set off on a journey together, a journey of discovery into the most hidden nooks and crannies of your spirit. You will learn to free yourself of opinions, prejudices, and fixed mindsets which you have burdened yourself with throughout the course of your life. Your old baggage will be thrown away. We will start as if we knew nothing.”
“Guruji, you asked me when I am really happy. I know it now. When I’m here. Yes, when I’m here on your raft with you, then I’m really happy.” I looked at him affectionately.
“That is good. Now you already have an idea of what deep happiness is.
This kind of happiness is something you can always carry around in you. This happiness comes from your soul, Tara. All you have to do is tune into your soul!”
“What is the soul exactly?”, I asked hesitantly, for in all honesty I didn’t really know.
“In Western civilisation the common wisdom is that a human is body and has a soul. That’s not quite right. On the contrary: It’s exactly the other way around.
A human being is soul and has a body.
The essence of us humans is our soul. Our body is only our tool. Our body is more or less the vehicle which transports us through our life.
A child is born – it is one with its soul. But then along comes society. Material things begin to gain importance. Just like the skin layers of an onion, they wrap themselves around the human being and preoccupy his conscious spirit, his powers of reason – house, possessions, wealth. The soul, the unconscious spirit, is in danger of suffocating under these layers.
A human being lives like a captive in his own body. He who only loves his body, loves his own prison. But we are not only defined by our body. We are boundless. The secret of happiness is to not limit oneself and to develop an awareness of one’s own soul.”
I hung on every word that came from his lips and wanted to let them flow through me.
All our egoistic motives,
all our personal desires obstruct
a clear and true view of our