Comedy of Marriage and Other Tales. Guy de Maupassant
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Gilberte!
GILBERTE [leaves Jean’s arm]
What is it, Auntie?
MME. DE RONCHARD
The coffee, my dear child.
GILBERTE [goes to the table]
I will give you some, Auntie.
MME. DE RONCHARD
Don’t soil your gown.
LÉON [comes up]
No, no, not to-day shall my sister serve coffee. The day of her marriage! No, indeed, I will take care of that. [To Mme. de Ronchard.] You know that I am a lawyer, my dear Aunt, and therefore can do everything.
MME. DE RONCHARD
Oh, I know your abilities, Léon, and I appreciate them —
LÉON [smiles, and gives his Aunt a cup of coffee]
You are too good.
MME. DE RONCHARD [taking cup, dryly]
For what they are worth.
LÉON [aside, turns to the table]
There she goes again – another little slap at me! That is never wanting. [offers a cup to Martinel.] You will take a small cup, won’t you, M. Martinel, and a nip of old brandy with it? I know your tastes. We will take good care of you.
MARTINEL
Thank you, Léon.
LÉON [to Petitpré]
Will you have a cup, father?
PETITPRÉ
I will, my son.
LÉON [to the newly married couple, seated L. and talking aside]
And you, you bridal pair there? [The couple, absorbed in each other, do not answer.] Oh, I suppose we must not bother you. [He sets cup down on the table].
PETITPRÉ [to Martinel]
You don’t smoke, I believe?
MARTINEL
Never, thank you.
MME. DE RONCHARD
You astonish me! My brother and Léon would not miss smoking each day for anything in the world. But what an abomination a cigar is!
PETITPRÉ
A delicious abomination, Clarisse.
LÉON [turns to Mme. de Ronchard]
Almost all abominations are delicious, Auntie; in fact many of them, to my personal knowledge, are exquisite.
MME. DE RONCHARD
You naughty fellow!
PETITPRÉ [takes Léon’s arm]
Come and smoke in the billiard-room, since your aunt objects to it here.
LÉON [to Petitpré]
The day when she will love anything except her spaniels —
PETITPRÉ
Hold your tongue and come along. [Exit C.]
MARTINEL [to Mme. de Ronchard]
This is the sort of marriage that I like – a marriage that, in this Paris of yours, you don’t have very often. After the wedding breakfast, which takes place directly after you come from the church, all the guests go home, even the maids of honor and the ushers. The married couple remain at home and dine with their parents or relatives. In the evening they play billiards or cards, just as on an ordinary night; the newly married couple entertain each other. [Gilberte and Jean rise, and hand in hand slowly retire C.] Then, before midnight, good night!
MME. DE RONCHARD [aside]
Which is altogether very bourgeois!
MARTINEL [sits R. upon the sofa beside Mme. de Ronchard]
As to newly married couples – instead of going on that absurd and traditional thing you call a honeymoon, it is far better for them to go at once to the apartment or house prepared for them. I dare say you will think my plan lacking in fashion and display, but I cannot help that. For myself, I must say that I like absence of all ostentation.
MME. DE RONCHARD
Your plan is not according to the customs of polite society, Monsieur.
MARTINEL
Polite society, indeed! Why, there are thirty-six different kinds of polite society. For instance, take Havre.
MME. DE RONCHARD [interrupts]
I know only ours. [Corrects herself.] That is, I mean to say, mine, which is the correct one.
MARTINEL
Oh, naturally, naturally! Nevertheless, simple as it may be, this marriage is an acknowledged fact, and I hope that you have taken into your good books my dear nephew, who, until now —
MME. DE RONCHARD
I can hardly help doing so since he is my brother’s son-in-law, and my niece’s husband.
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