Boxen: Childhood Chronicles Before Narnia. Walter Hooper
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bored. There were Quicksteppe & Chutney who share a box. All eyes were directed upon the royal box, which as yet was empty. In the pit sat Green & Macgoullah, the later fortified with a gladstone bag of oranges. Presently the door of the Royal box opened & in walked the two kings followed by the Little Master walked in.
‘A good house Big,’ said the ’jah.
‘Boys!’ said the Frog suddenly.
‘Yes.’
‘Look at that Owl,’ said Big, despairingly indicating the opposite box which contained Puddiphat, & ‘who’s that woman?’
Meanwhile in the owl’s box another animated conversation was going on.
‘I say Puddles,’ said Phyllis, ‘Who’s that toad in the Royal Box?’
‘It’s a good job he didn’t hear you call him a toad. He’s the Little Master.’
During the dialogue the orchestra had begun to attack the overture with great vigour & spirit, but she continued in a loud tone.
‘Listen to that Puddles. Do you call that music?’
‘It is usually thought so.’
‘Hush’ came from various parts of the house, especially the pit. Phyllis leaned out of the box & blissfully unconscious that she was referred to said, ‘What on earth are the people in the pit making that noise for?’
‘I believe they’re annoyed at our talking,’ rejoined Puddiphat in a hurt tone. ‘Hullo, we’re getting to business.’ And indeed the curtain was rising on the first scene of the great opera. Big settled down to sleep, Puddiphat retired to the bar, & Macgoullah set in on his oranges. Goose annoyed everyone near him by humming out of tune: the boys settled down to a conversation which lasted till the drop scene fell on the impassioned strains of Marita’s great aria. The boys strolled out & across to Puddiphat’s box.
‘Good evening, Majesties.’
‘Puddiphat. Good evening Miss Legrange,’ said the rabbit.
‘What do you think of it Puddles?’ inquired the rajah.
‘Oh very good, excellent,’ said the Owl, ‘What I heard of it.’
‘Yes,’ said Phyllis, ‘he’s been out all the time.’
‘And what,’ said the ’jah turning to her, ‘did you think?’
‘To be frank, your Majesties, I thought it great rubbish.’
Just at this point the prelude to the 2nd act began & the boys returned to their own box. The second act was famous only for a chorus of prisoners which caused Puddiphat & his fair companion to yawn more than before. As the curtain fell, the manager sent an attendant to tell Goose that he must stop humming or else go out. Meanwhile the pit was talking also.
‘Well?’ said Polonius.
‘Ah it’s cod,’ said Macgoullah.
‘Cod!?’ cried the musical Green aghast, ‘I’d like to see you write it!’
‘I wouldn’t!’ said Macgoullah, ‘Try another orange?’
The curtain now rose upon the 3rd act. Meanwhile in the bar a different conversation was going on. It was occupied by two Prussians, Philip Glohenman & another.
‘The bird actually blackmailed me. And now he wants me to get him a cliqueship.’
‘Well,’ said the stranger, ‘get him one. Our object is to place the new Clique under an obligation to us.’
‘But my dear Dangle, do you think that I would trust to their mere gratitude?’
‘I suppose not, but you must conciliate him. In Turkey at Fortressa I overheard a conversation in an inn & it seems he’s been telling things to Goose.’
‘I might make a bargain –’
‘Yes.’
The dropscene fell some hours later on the 8th & last act of the opera & as the audience walked out no one thought less of the piece than Philip Glohenman. But he thought.
XI
H.M.S. Thrush had a great liking for the port of Marston on the Great Lake. Thither she wended her way immediately on her return from Floe. And so one evening Bar might have been seen talking to the manager of The Lake Inn.
‘Yes, Mr Bar?’
‘Can you tell me is there a Mr Orring staying here?’
‘Yes Mr Bar. Do you wish to see him?’
‘Yes.’
Bar followed the manager to a private sitting room. Here he found Mr Orring, an elderly lizard. The manager left them.
‘My dear Bar.’
‘’Evening. I come on business.’
‘You come on business?’
‘Yes. About your new Clique.’ He spoke curtly.
‘Ah!’
‘It appears you’ve quarrelled with Green.’
–“THE LITTLE BEAR WAS FURIOUS”–
‘Yes: he’s a most provoking bird.’
‘Well, you’ve got left!’
‘How!?’
‘Green and your Prussian friends & the others have undertaken to oppose tooth and nail any bill you bring in. Also they’re going to draw up a new bill leaving you out! A very good thing too. But d – n it all they’ve forgotten me as well!!’
The little bear was furious. He ruffled his well oiled fur, he flung things about the room. The lizard was despairingly calm. Presently he said, ‘Its all up Mr Bar. Its a hopeless job. My work has been useless.’
‘I told you that these Prussians would be the ruin of it!!’
‘Well this is no time for regrets. I will this evening start for Piscia, & live privately. I shall be practically ruined. I promised all in the League Cliqueships. I promised £400 compensation each if the plan failed.’
Bar was so genuinely distressed at the other’s fix that he forgot his own dissapointment.
‘Oh no Mr Orring. I for one would never touch a penny of it, & I am sure none of the others would. It was only ill luck. On the contrary we will all respect you for your effort & sympathise with your misfortune!’
‘It was not luck. It was my foolishness in quarelling with that bird. Of course I shall pay. It was my fault. Good evening.’
Bar went out more annoyed than he could say. But he saw the other would be better alone to think out a plan.
XII
The unhappy lizard’s position was indeed most unenviable. He was not originally rich when he had brought in the motion for the new clique, but he was a somewhat unscrupulous reptile and spent money like water in bribing here & there: doubtless he hoped to refind it when he became the new Little Master. Let it also be said for him that he thought the means justified his end. Then half way through, the foreigners threatened to back out & inform if they were [not] silenced with another