Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 7 - 9. Derek Landy
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where magic comes from, find himself working in the sewers?”
“It’s nothing,” Walden said. “Just a few books. It means nothing. Please. If you don’t want to rob me, why are you here? What do you want with me?”
“I’ve been asking them the same question,” Serpine said.
“Walden,” said Skulduggery, sitting on the couch opposite him, “we’re not from here.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, we’re not from this world.”
“I don’t... I don’t understand...”
Serpine shrugged. “It’s true. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. They’re not from here.”
Walden blinked at Skulduggery. “Then... then you’re... you’re aliens?”
Before Skulduggery could reply, words spilled from Walden’s mouth. “Oh, I knew it! I knew it! I knew we couldn’t be alone in the universe! When I was a kid, they laughed at me but I knew there was something more to life, more than this world and this level of magic and the day-to-day grind of living, and here you are, sitting across from me, a real-live alien being! Do you have a flying saucer? Could you take me up in it?”
Skulduggery didn’t answer right away. “Uh...” he said.
Valkyrie stepped forward. “We’re not aliens. We’re from a parallel dimension.”
Walden’s face fell. “Oh.”
“But look,” Skulduggery said. He tapped his collarbones and his face flowed away. “I’m a skeleton.”
Walden nodded, unimpressed. “Right. So why are you here, then? I have a lot of work to do.”
“We need your help.”
“Why?”
“We can’t tell you.”
“Well, that’s just wonderful.”
“Will you help us?”
“If I help you, will you leave?”
“Yes.”
“Then I would really like to help you. But I won’t if it’s going to get me into trouble.”
“There’ll be no trouble.”
“But you answer me a question first. Who is that?”
Serpine arched an eyebrow. “Me?”
Walden nodded. “I know you from somewhere. I know your face. But I’m not good with faces. Who are you?”
“They’ve called me a great many things over the years, but my name is Nefarian Serpine.”
Walden’s face went slack. “The traitor.”
“Yep, that’s one of the things they called me.”
Walden stood up so quickly he knocked his chair over. His voice rose in volume. “I can’t talk to you. I can’t talk to him. I can’t associate with him. Do you know what would happen to me if the Sense-Wardens found this moment in my mind? I’d be arrested. I’d be tortured!”
“That’s not going to happen,” Skulduggery said calmly.
“You don’t know that!” Walden said, panicking. “I’m doomed. I’m dead. They’re going to arrest me!”
“Walden,” Skulduggery said, “sit down. Take a deep breath.”
“I can’t! I can’t breathe!”
“There’s no need to panic. The sooner you help us, the sooner we’ll be out of here.”
“Go!” he shouted. “Leave! Leave before I call the City Mages!”
“First we need to talk.”
Walden covered his face with his hands. “Please,” he said. “Please leave me alone.”
“In a minute. Walden, we have an emergency back in our dimension, and you’re the only one who can help us.”
“Why me?”
“I’ll be honest with you – it would probably be best if you didn’t know. We’re trying to minimise the effect this will have on you.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Just remember. We need you to remember a moment in your life. It’s not a happy memory, Walden. It was the day your mother was killed.”
“What? What has that got to do with anything?”
“It would take too long to explain. The man who killed her, he said something to you, didn’t he? After he’d done it?”
Walden stared. “How did you know?”
“You need to tell us what he said.”
“But I don’t understand what—”
There was a loud knocking on the door. “Walden D’Essai,” came the voice. “Open up immediately. Open up in the name of Mevolent.”
Walden went pale. “Oh, no,” he whispered.
“Hello,” Walden said. “Is something wrong?”
“Reports of a disturbance,” the City Mage said. “Shouts, and whatnot.”
“Coming from here? Really? I... I’m sorry, Mage, I don’t know what to say. I haven’t heard anything.”
“A man shouting,” the City Mage said. He looked bored. “Were you shouting, sir?”
“Shouting?”
“Shouting. Did you raise your voice, sir? Did you cry out in alarm? Were you shouting?”
“Shouting,” Walden said, considering the word. “No, I’m sorry. It wasn’t me. It might have been the wind.”
“You’re saying the wind was shouting, sir? Why would the wind shout? What would it have to shout about?”
“I’m not really sure...”
“Me neither, sir, but it was your suggestion. Up until you suggested it, the thought had never entered my mind that it might have been the wind that was shouting instead of a person. Instead of a person like you, sir.”
“Well, I just meant the wind may have sounded like it was shouting.”
“Oh, I see, sir. Well, that is infinitely more plausible, I’ll admit. Do you have anyone in the house with you? Maybe someone who can corroborate what you’re saying?”
“No, I’m sorry. I live alone.”
“So do I, sir, but you don’t hear me shouting about it, now do you?”
“No, City Mage.”
The conversation lulled. Behind the door, Skulduggery adjusted his position slightly.
“Sir,” the City Mage said, “I could call in the Sense-Wardens and I could get them to rummage around in your brain to find out if you were shouting or if it was,