Josephine Cox Sunday Times Bestsellers Collection. Josephine Cox
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was glad that Adam had chosen to tell the truth. ‘It’s been such a burden all this time,’ she admitted now. ‘But I gave my promise, d’you see? I gave my promise and I could never break it.’
Adam reassured her. ‘You didn’t break it,’ he reminded her. ‘It was me who thought Mary should be told. I’ve always thought it was her right to know.’
Lucy smiled. ‘So you thought you’d tittle-tattle while I was laid up, did you?’
‘I’m not sorry the truth is out,’ he said stoutly. ‘I’m only sorry if I’ve upset you.’
Lucy sighed. ‘You did right, my old friend. You did right.’ She turned to address Ben, who had been mesmerised by the whole story. ‘What do you think of my darling Barney?’ she asked. ‘Do you think he was right in what he did?’
Lucy was testing him. In Ben she had seen something akin to Barney, but she needed reassuring.
Ben considered her question, and when he gave his answer, he gave it with a sense of wonder. ‘In all my life, I’ve never heard of such a man,’ he said. ‘What he did was incredible. For the sake of his loved ones, he belittled and punished himself beyond endurance. I understand now what the inscription means. “He made the greatest sacrifice of all.” ’
Lucy asked him another question. ‘In those circumstances, would you have done the same?’
Ben smiled inwardly. Already, because of what Adam had told of Lucy’s strength of character, and because he had witnessed it for himself from the moment they met, Ben knew he was being tested, and he suspected her view of him would hinge on the kind of answer he gave.
‘Well, young man?’ As was her way, Lucy grew impatient.
Ben considered the question again, and when he answered it was as straight an answer as he could give. ‘Any man would be prepared to do whatever was in his power to protect his loved ones,’ he told her, ‘but like a grain of sand or a drop of rain, each man is different. A man will be judged on his merit. Barney Davidson is the kind of man every other man would want to be, but I’m not Barney, nor could I ever be. All the same, I would hope that, given the same circumstances, I might find the courage and fortitude to do what he did. Other than that, I can’t say.’
There was a moment while they reflected on his words, before Mary asked of her mother, ‘What happened to my father? How did it end?’
Lucy gave a whimsical smile. ‘It ended the way we always thought it might end,’ she said. ‘It was the most beautiful summer’s evening. We were sitting in the garden watching the sun go down, when Barney turned to me and told me how much he had come to love me … but that he could never love me in the same way that he loved Vicky. She had been his life, while I had become his life, that’s what he said.’
Lucy thought about Barney’s words, just as she had done on that memorable night. ‘I often wondered about that,’ she said. ‘I thought it a strange thing for him to say, and for a time I couldn’t understand his meaning.’
Looking up at Mary, she took hold of her hand. ‘After a while, I did understand. What he meant was that he and Vicky had grown together, learned together and knew each other’s very thoughts …’
She paused. ‘With me it was different. When Barney and I met, I simply became part of the family that was already Barney’s; I was an outsider coming in. But then suddenly it was just the two of us, and we learned to know and love each other. Like Ben said just now, he could not be Barney … any more than I could be Vicky. We’re all different and we touch each other’s lives in different ways. But love is love, no matter which way you look at it.
‘Thank you,’ she said gravely, and he knew he had passed the test. ‘Love is love, and that’s what we had, me and Barney. We had such love to share, just talking and laughing and simply being together. And if I never have another day of contentment, I had more happiness in those years with Barney, than most women have in a lifetime.’
Suddenly, Lucy shivered. ‘I’m tired now, my darling,’ she told her daughter. ‘Take me back to my bed?’
Mary took her upstairs and when Lucy was made comfortable, the young woman asked, ‘Did you ever hear from Vicky, or the family?’
Lucy shook her head. ‘No, never.’ Fearing that Mary had too many questions to which she might not have the answers, Lucy told her, ‘For reasons I hope you now understand, Barney did not want them to know about you.’
‘So I have two brothers and a sister I may never see?’ Though Mary had been deeply touched by the story of her father, she felt cheated somehow, filled with all kinds of regrets, regrets that she had never known him, and regrets that she was never told the truth. But now she knew it all, and it was as though a cloud was lifted from over her head. But what of the rest of her family?
‘Will I ever meet them – Thomas and Ronnie, and my sister Susie?’
Lucy was not ready for this. ‘Leave me now, love,’ she said. ‘Let me sleep.’
Quietly, Mary left. Tomorrow, when her mother was rested, she would ask again. And she would keep on asking, until Lucy agreed to reunite her with the family she had never known.
It was much later that Adam tapped on Lucy’s bedroom door to check on her. Ben had gone home and Mary was in bed. Lucy herself was sitting up in bed, awake but at peace with herself.
‘Ben is so much like Barney,’ Lucy murmured. She had Barney strong in her mind tonight.
‘Tell me something,’ Adam asked. ‘Do you think you will ever contact Vicky?’
‘I made a promise never to tell them,’ she sighed. ‘You made that same promise.’
‘I know, and I’ve always regretted it. I kept it when Barney was alive, and I’ve kept it all these years. I didn’t even mention it when informing Mr Maitland of his death, as Barney requested in his last hours. But I’ve never felt comfortable about it, Lucy. I think they have a right to know why he did what he did, the same as Mary had a right to know. God only knows how they have suffered all these years.’
When she remained silent, he asked her again. ‘Will you tell them, Lucy? Will you contact Vicky?’
Unable to answer such a momentous question, Lucy thought fleetingly of her daughter and Ben, and her heart was glad. There was magic happening between those two.
‘I love you, Lucy.’ Adam’s voice was so close to her ear, she felt his warm breath against her skin.
‘I know.’ She turned to smile on him. ‘I’ve always known.’
‘You never said.’
‘Because there would have been no point and I might have hurt your feelings. You see, I didn’t love you back.’
‘Do you love me back now?’
‘I think so.’ She turned away. ‘You realise I could never love you in the same way I loved Barney?’
‘Will you marry me?’
‘We’re too long in the tooth for that nonsense,’ she laughed. But secretly she felt quite excited. She had had two children by two very different men – one full of darkness and one full of light – and yet had never been married. Maybe that was the next experience that Fate had in store for her.
For now, the moment passed and they were quiet again.
‘When you get in touch with Vicky,’ Adam persisted, ‘will you tell her what Barney did for them?’ Taking Lucy by the shoulders, he turned her round to face him. ‘I know Leonard Maitland gave you his address. You can get in touch if you want to,’ he said. ‘They won’t have moved from the farm.’
Lucy patted the tip of her nose in a gesture of secrecy. ‘I might – and I might not.’ Her smile grew mischievous. ‘But that’s another story altogether, don’t you