Break-Up Club: A smart, funny novel about love and friendship. Lorelei Mathias
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SHIT choice of words,’ Holly said, quickly giving Bella a hug.
‘That’s OK,’ Bella said with forced stoicism. ‘I’ll try to remember what a hug from my mum would feel like. Seriously though, you’re never getting these babies back.’
‘OK. Word of advice though – DO NOT try to walk in them. No good can come from walking in them.’
Bella looked completely unfazed by this; clearly it had not been her intention to move from the sofa ever again. She glugged more wine.
‘So, do you want to tell me what happened?
Bella took a deep breath. ‘I’m so humiliated.’ Her eyes welled up. ‘I’ve started having flashbacks of the lowest low point.’
‘What was the lowest low point?’ Holly asked.
‘Well, the trouble was, the location of our break-up really wasn’t ideal. Although we’d started “the break-up chat” at his house, we both had this hideous Guildhell event in town that we had to get to. Which meant that we had to sort of, carry it on, en route? You know, while commuting together into town, on a cramped Tube carriage like normal, except that I’m bursting into tears every other second, wanting to kiss him one minute, and punch his lights out the next!’
‘No…’ Holly gasped.
‘Yes! And then to make it worse, there was one of those nice homeless guys on our carriage, giving it the whole “let me tell you a joke or sing you a song, in exchange for money or a cup of tea”, and I was like, jeez, now really isn’t the time! But then, once we’d made it to Covent Garden, I reached whole new levels of humiliation. I…’ Bella broke off, her eyes filling with tears.
‘What?’ Holly asked.
‘I begged him,’ she grunted inaudibly. Clearly the shame was such that Bella couldn’t bring herself to fully formulate the words.
‘What?’
Bella sighed. ‘I BEGGED him, Holly! In the STREET. I clung to him. With my ACTUAL arms. There I was, grasping his legs like a slobbering bloodhound.’ Her eyes clouded over at the memory. ‘I’m just always going to have this godforsaken image of me ON ALL FOURS. I can never go back there! The whole of Covent Garden is now a walk of pain to me!’ she sobbed ‘But then, soon it was clear he’d already started floating away from me, like a helium balloon drifting upwards and I was this devastated child grasping at the string. Yeah, I’ve lost him all right.’
‘God, that’s so sad,’ Holly said, pouring her another glass of wine. ‘But I don’t understand, where did this all come from? Did he give a reason?’
‘He said, “I think I need to be by myself at the moment. My course is just getting so demanding that I don’t think I can manage both my career and you,”’ she said, as though the words were still rotating round her brain on a loop. ‘Then he started banging on about “needing his focus” and how he “has to put his passion first” – and I was like, but I thought I was your passion and he said that yes I am but he loves me too much to be fully committed to his “ART”??’
‘What a cock.’
‘I know. Like my own course isn’t demanding?!’ she cried, then burst into tears some more. Holly folded her up in her arms and stroked her hair as she sobbed.
‘Arsehole,’ Bella sobbed.
‘Yes,’ Holly agreed. ‘Although, maybe this is just something he needs to do? Something he needs to get out of his system? Chances are, he’ll want you back, as soon as he realises he can’t function without you, and you’re his muse after all.’
‘That’s what I keep hoping. It’s like that saying, “if you love something, set it free”,’ Bella said, as a tear slid down her face and splashed into her wine. She picked up the glass and downed it regardless.
‘“And if it comes back, it’s yours forever!”’ Holly finished.
‘Although helium balloons don’t come back, do they?’ Bella said, her shoulders slumping.
Holly thought for a minute, then shook her head. She topped up Bella’s drink. ‘So, if it’s not too soon to say this, I’d like to impose a rule?’
‘A rule? Really? OK, hit me with it.’
Holly grinned. ‘No more self-involved actors for Bella! Seriously, your last three boyfriends have been thesps, and they have all caused you untold pain. I think you need to find someone a little more reliable, with a sturdy job.’
‘That’s a good rule. From now on, I’m going to activate my actor-radar, so I can always see them coming!’
‘Wait. You mean your RADAr…?’ Holly said, pronouncing it Raardar, and Bella snorted.
‘Yes! My RADAr!!!!’
After giggling raucously for a good minute, Holly took a tissue and began to mop up Bella’s face, feeling a bit like a grandma with a slobbery handkerchief.
Bella craned her neck to the mirror on the wall. ‘Oh god, look at the state of me! Ugh. Never mind the mascara streaks, why am I still getting so many bloody spots? I am twenty-seven. Give me wrinkles, not pimples, surely!?’
‘You’re gorgeous, don’t be silly,’ Holly said.
‘I’m serious though. I mean, look at this one, it’s like one of those conjoined twins. There’s another one brewing right next to it! Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this Vegan Pledge – maybe it’s a sign I’m suffering with malnutrition…’
‘But you’ve only been doing it for five days? Your skin is fine,’ Holly said, hoping she sounded convincing.
‘I think I’ll start painting eyeliner on top of them. I had a friend who did that once, to make them look like beauty spots.’
‘That’s always an option,’ Holly offered.
‘What am I saying? I’m never going out again anyway… it’s fine!’ Bella said, remembering her life was over, her eyes welling up.
‘Shall we watch the rest?’ Holly said.
They turned their attention back to the TV screen, where Samantha was frozen, in the middle of complaining about a chemical peel that had gone awry.
‘All right then. I do love this episode. There is still SO much wisdom in this show!’
‘I’ll just grab us another blanket. It’s feckin’ freezing in here.’
Holly pressed play on the DVD.
But now Bella was curled up in a ball on the sofa, fast asleep. She’d obviously worn herself out from crying, like children did when they were overtired. Holly grabbed a pint glass, filled it with tap water and put it beside Bella on the floor. She draped the extra blanket over her, planted a kiss on her cheek, and left her to sleep. Then she headed to her own room and drifted into a perfect, snore-free sleep filled with surreal dreams about an imaginary celestial lost-property bureau.
Waking at dawn to the sound of the reversing vehicle, she picked up the notepad on her bedside table. In her muddied state of consciousness she wrote down ‘The Helium Depot’. She had no idea why, but she rather liked the sound of it as she rolled over and went back to sleep.
A week later, Lawrence stood at Holly’s door, an olive green beanie grappling with his unruly curls. Holly leaned forward to kiss him on the lips.
He broke off halfway. ‘Look, I bought Georgia!’ he said as he unhooked himself from the enormous, unwieldy guitar case that was strapped to his back.
‘Who?’ Holly asked, looking around her.