Break-Up Club: A smart, funny novel about love and friendship. Lorelei Mathias
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were with Daniel’s friend Jonny – more commonly referred to as Jonny The Archetypal Public School Boy.
‘So I had some brilliant news today,’ Jonny was saying, placing some cocktail sausages onto his plate. ‘I made an offer on a little “pied-à-terre”…’ he said, raising his fingers into little animated quotation marks, ‘and amazingly it’s just been accepted!’
There was a general chorus of ‘Wow – that’s awesome!’ and ‘Well done!’ and ‘Where?’
‘Thanks!’ he beamed. ‘It’s in Victoria Park village. It’s all exposed brick, high ceilings, and it’s got this cool mezzanine level.’
As Jonny began to tell them more about his new flat, Holly felt herself zoning out. She stood up and went to open another wine bottle. Despite her best efforts, buying flats was still something she just couldn’t bring herself to feel excited about yet. She returned back to the circle just in time to hear Jonny deliver the sentence all homeowners used to make themselves feel better about stamp duty and a life devoted to choosing bathroom tiles: ‘No more throwing rent money down the drain for me now I’ve managed to buy!’ he beamed.
Holly cringed, realising that Jonny – chiselled and charming though he was – was now on the other side of a dotted line. The one separating those who had made it onto that most impossible of rites of passage, the first rung of the property ladder, and those that still hadn’t. The ones that were living in sweet denial of pensions, properties and prams… and most of all, the big ‘Three Oh’ that was hurtling towards them with relentless zeal.
‘So…’ Holly began, as she poured out more wine, ‘does no one else think it’s a bit odd… this whole “–uying” thing?’
Everyone looked confused.
‘You know. One day in your mid-twenties, out of nowhere, people start talking about “BUYING.” But they don’t say what. It’s like, now it’s okay to just say, “We’re buying”, and expect people to know what you mean. Has no one else noticed that?’
Everyone stared at her with a mixture of raised eyebrows and furrowed foreheads.
‘People are just being sensible, that’s all,’ Olivia said. ‘You know, trying to get some security for the future.’
‘And then,’ Holly went on, ‘three years later, the same thing happens. Only it rhymes. You just replace the “B” sound with a “TR” sound. Does no one think this is odd?’
‘Oh right, I get you,’ Bella said.
‘I mean, what’s next after that? Lying? Sighing?’
‘Crying?’ Bella suggested.
‘Dying,’ put in Harry, emptying the last drops of white wine into his glass, and then opening another bottle entirely on autopilot. ‘Or, D.I.Y.-ing. Whichever is worse, I guess.’
Olivia placed her empty glass onto the table a fraction too forcefully. ‘Well. I’m a long way off ANY of those things. My relationship of seven years has just flatlined, and nearly everything I own is currently residing in a small storage unit in Brent Cross. Mostly I think I’m going to be CRYING.’
As Olivia’s face coloured, Holly felt the tact police slam handcuffs around her wrists. ‘Shit, sorry, Liv. That was insensitive of me, prattling on like that. Sorry. Are you OK?’
Jonny edged closer to Olivia and draped a heavily triathloned forearm around her. Olivia turned to look into his eyes and smiled. ‘I’m fine Holly, don’t worry,’ she said, still looking into Jonny’s hazel eyes. ‘I was just winding you up.’
‘Anyway, I thought you were going to buy your mate’s flat, Liv?’
‘That’s the plan, but it’s not gone through yet. The solicitors are dragging their heels. Yawn.’
‘Oh dear. But anyway,’ Holly went on, ‘all I really meant was, we’re still young, and there’s plenty of time before we have to get all serious, isn’t there? It just came out a bit wonky. And if it helps, now that I’ve made an epic career fail, the only property I’m ever likely to be able to afford as a first-time buyer is a converted Portaloo.’
‘Hol, you’re all good now, you can leave it there…’ Olivia said.
‘I’m going to get another drink then. Can I get you one?’ Holly said, but Olivia was now engaged in an intense and prolonged session of eye contact with Jonny.
‘You OK?’ Harry asked, following Holly to the fridge.
She shook her head. ‘Not really.’
‘Lawrence?’
She paused for a moment. ‘How did you guess?’ she said, holding out her glass as Harry raided the fridge. ‘Booze me up please.’
He smiled and handed her a vodka and tonic.
‘Did you know that Bella and Liv have formed something they’re calling a “Break-up Club”? Liv keeps saying it’s just a joke, but I think it’s sort of become real, through necessity. Bella says they meet up, just the two of them, every Sunday night.’
‘The most depressing night of the week. Makes sense.’
Harry led them to an empty sofa and sat down at one end. Holly stretched out next to him, laying her head on him. It was one of her favourite places to sit – with her head resting in the nook of his shoulder.
‘What you thinking HolFace? You tempted to join the cult?’
‘Christ no! Although, if I’m honest, I do sometimes get this teeny-weeny feeling of doubt. But everyone gets that, don’t they? Who’s ever in a relationship they’re totally sure about all the time? I mean, that would be weird, right?’
‘I couldn’t be surer about Rachel and me.’
Oh yes, Rachel, she remembered, lifting her head off Harry’s shoulder. ‘Sshhh, show-off,’ she said, prodding him in the stomach.
‘Ow! Well, to be brutally honest, Hol, it sounds to me like you’ve heard the bell.’
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